While we waited, Douglas sat down on the edge of the bed. "We've got a bunch more stuff to talk about, Chigger."
" I'm listening."
"We have to decide on a colony bid."
" Do you think we can still get one?"
"Now, more than ever. There might not be any starships leaving Luna for a while. If civilization on Earth really has collapsed, Luna's going to seize everything. The Board of Authority is already in emergency session. So the last few brightliners are trying to get out of here as fast as they can get their stores loaded. They're taking on almost anyone who wants to leave. At least, that's what the agents are telling me. I've got open applications on file for all of us. We can just about go anywhere we want. I have the list–"
" Where do you want to go?"I whispered hoarsely.
"That's just it," he said. "What I want– wanted–doesn't matter anymore." He was having a hard time explaining this, but he pushed on anyway. "When we were talking before, we were talking that it would be four of us. So it was sort of understood that we would be choosing a place that would be fine for Mickey and me. And that you and Bobby would just have to go along with it. Mickey and I were talking about … you know, that colony where people like us would be the majority. My only hesitation was that it wasn't fair to make that kind of a decision for you and Bobby, but Mickey said you could get rechanneled–that's what he did to get his college scholarship–and you really wouldn't miss anything. He said he never did. But I didn't think it was fair then, and I still don't think it's fair now. And it doesn't matter anymore, because if Mickey isn't going with us, there's no point in us going there anyway … " He didn't have anything else to add to that, he just sat there waiting for me to respond.
My voice was going fast. I took another drink of water and managed to get the words out. "We have to go someplace where we'll all be happy. I won't go anywhere that makes you angry or sad, Douglas. I like seeing you smile."
The corners of his mouth twitched at that–and then he did smile. "Yeah," he said. "I noticed I was doing a lot more smiling." He patted my hand. "Okay. We'll talk about the colonies tomorrow."
" Why not now?"
"Because there's something else we have to do first. If you're up to it. Do you want to see Mom and Dad?"
" Huh?"
"I told you they were here. They came to see you in the hospital. Don't you remember?"
" I thought I hallucinated that."
"Well, that explains it. I was wondering why you hadn't said anything about them. The judge has a restraining order on them. They can't approach any of us without our permission. They were in the back of the courtroom–on opposite sides–but I guess you didn't see them. They asked to see us tonight. I said it depended on how you felt. What do you want to do, Charles?"
I took a breath. Part of me didn't want to see them, didn't want to have anything to do either of them ever again. But part of me missed them terribly.
"I feel I should tell you–" Douglas looked uncomfortable again. "They're trying to have Judge Griffith's ruling set aside. Their argument is that she wasn't being impartial. Her tribe has a financial alliance with Mickey's tribe. And because Mickey caught us on Luna, they're arguing that she was just helping to kidnap us. Now how do you think Mom and Dad put those pieces together?"
" Fat Senor Doctor Hidalgo?"
"Probably. So, do you want to see them or not?"
" I kinda miss 'em."
"They haven't changed. Well–that's not true. They're both real sorry about everything."
" It's a little late for sorry. Besides, you know what Mom always says, 'Sorry is bullshit. Don't do it in the first place.'"
"Yeah, Mom always had a way with words. All right, I've asked you. I've kept my promise. I'll tell them you don't want to see them."
" No. I do."
He looked surprised.
" Both at once."
"You sure?"
" Yeah."
"The doctor said not to stress yourself–"
" After everything we've been through, seeing Mom and Dad will not be stressful."
MOM AND DAD
Mom looked tired. Dad looked exhausted. I wondered what they'd been through. Probably hell. We'd disappeared off the Line, we'd been on a cargo pod heading toward Luna for three days, they hadn't known which one or where it was coming down. We'd crashed somewhere into Luna, no one knew where, and all that anyone could tell them was that if we were still alive, we were hiking naked across an airless, barren, desolate, empty, unpopulated, ugly, frozen and heat‑blasted landscape. And then when they did hear of us, first it was a false alarm and we were still missing–and then we were down with ammonia poisoning and in the custody of a bounty hunter.
All things considered, they were taking it very well. They passed Bobby back and forth between them, hugging him and making a big fuss over how big he'd gotten and how strong he was here on the moon, until finally Douglas got annoyed and told Bobby to stop showing off, lifting tables and chairs with one hand.
After the greetings, after everybody had settled themselves, Mom spoke first. "I'm sorry that I slapped you, Charles. That was wrong. I knew it was wrong even as I did it, but I was so hurt and angry and … and … never mind, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it."
And she still hadn't said it. What she could have said, should have said, before we ever got on the outbound elevator. I felt the disappointment growing, festering again. Why couldn't she just say it? Why couldn't she just look me straight in the eye, and say, "I love you, Charles." And at the same time, I already knew that if I asked her why she never said it, Mom would just blink in puzzlement, and say, "But I do. You shouldn't have to ask. You should just know."
Yeah, I should just know. But I still wanted to hear it anyway.
She was right, though. Sorry was bullshit. It didn't change anything. Seeing her now, hearing her apologize, didn't change anything at all. It just made me feel worse. Because I had expected something more than she was able to give. That was my fault, I guess. I had brought my expectations into the room.
Dad was different. He handed me a memory card. "I brought you something. The Coltrane Suite.And some other recordings I know you like. Dvorak #9. Copland #3. Barber's Adagio for Strings.Russo's Three Pieces for Blues Band and Orchestra.Hoenig's Departure from the Northern Wasteland.Marin Alsop conducting the BBC Philharmonie in Saint‑Saлns' "Organ" Symphony.And a whole bunch of other stuff. I didn't know if you had copies with you."
" Thank you, Dad."I turned the card over and over in my hands. It looked remarkably innocent. Hell, it looked just like the memory cards we'd plugged into the monkey. And look what trouble those had gotten us into. Maybe these would help get us out of some of that trouble.
I started by trying to clear my throat. That triggered a spasm of coughing, and both Mom and Dad leapt for the water pitcher. "Thank you. I have something to say to everyone. Douglas, please come sit over here. Bobby too."I waited till everyone was settled. Bobby parked himself in Mom's lap, Douglas sat opposite Dad.