"For the record, Your Honor, there is not enough money on Luna to pay for the seizure of a HARLIE unit."
"We'll work with it," Judge Cavanaugh replied dryly. "I'm sure that once you are working for Lunar Authority, you will find a solution just as easily as you can find a problem. And while we're at it, let me note for the record, that in the past six minutes, you have asserted that you are the property of the Dingillians at least three times. That issue is yet to be resolved. So any claims of damages are premature."
The monkey ignored the implied rebuke. "Let me also point out, Your Honor, that my clients are not signatory to the Covenant, nor are they residents of Luna. They are, at best, tourists passing through. They are transients who wish only to make their flight connection. We ask the court to recognize their family contract and deny the spurious claims of those who seek to prevent my clients from the full exercise of their rights as a family to emigrate."
"The court does indeed recognize the right to a speedy emigration; we've had to test that particular point of law more than once in this courtroom–as you are obviously well aware. However, where it can be demonstrated that emigration is an attempt to evade the workings of local authority, particularly where local authority does have a compelling interest, emigration can be justly denied."
Cavanaugh looked like he was having a good time. "Let's be candid, my little primate‑shaped counselor. In this particular case, the issue is notthe right of the Dingillian family to emigrate, but the ownership of two specific modules within your furry little body–the two specific modules I am arguing with right now. Once the ownership of those two modules is resolved, it's very likely that several if not all of the claims against the Dingillian family will magically resolve. But until such resolution is achieved, the claims remain in effect as a way of holding them in place. Nobody's going anywhere until that happens."
"Precisely, my point, Your Honor. We are asking that absent a decision on the ownership question, my clients will be free to emigrate."
"You're talking like you expect to resolve the question of ownership."
"Absolutely, sir. I intend to demonstrate momentarily that all the claims of proprietary control or ownership that have been presented in this court are without merit. What I am requesting is that after the question of ownership has been resolved beyond question, this court prevent further legal harassment against the Dingillians by reaffirming their joint‑custodial rights as a family corporation."
"Are you saying you intend to prove the Dingillians are the rightful owners? You've implied as much." Judge Cavanaugh looked very interested now.
"I intend to address that as a separate issue, Your Honor. And I'm asking the court to separate it from the custody claims. The Dingillians have a right to form a family contract, and they are entitled to emigrate. If proprietary control of the HARLIE modules does end up with the Dingillians, it is likely that those who seek to wrest that control for themselves will use those claims to prevent the Dingillians from departing. I seek to prevent that."
"I understand your point," said Judge Cavanaugh. "But why do I get the feeling you're asking me to sign a blank check?"
"Perhaps because Your Honor has a fine legal mind … and considerable experience with the tricks that lawyers play?"
"You realize, of course, that I am required by law to hear objections to your motion?"
"Yes, Your Honor. Because my clients are functioning under a deadline, I move to limit debate."
"So noted, and granted." Cavanaugh rapped the gavel before anyone could object. It didn't stop them from objecting, but he just looked up at the back of the room, and announced, "I've already ruled. Each of you shysters has five minutes to make your case–wait a minute, how many of you are there today? Damn! We're not charging enough for justice anymore. There's a lot of water floating around this courtroom. All right, you each have threeminutes. If you're going someplace interesting, I'll give you more time. If you're not saying anything useful, I'll cut you off early."
He held up his display so everyone could see it. "Pay attention, people. We allhave the same access to the same intelligence engines. Valada Legal Aptitudes Inc., serving two planets, four moons, six space habitats, the Line, the rings of Saturn, and the asteroids. All of us are looking at the same lethetic analyses, projections, and suggested arguments–including extrapolations of the most appropriate rulings. What that means is that I have most of your arguments in front of me before you make them.The only ones I don't have are the stupid ones.
"But I want it clearly on the record that I am following along.Don't anybody think you're going to file an appeal claiming that the judge didn't give you a fair chance to have your arguments heard. That one's flattened right here. Everything is being logged. The judge is reading along with you and filing your arguments as fast as you can access them from the net. The fact that I don't need to hear them endlessly rehearsed doesn't mean they aren't being considered. Is that fully understood? All right, who's first?"
This next part went very fast. The lawyers lined up in front of the courtroom, stepping forward one at a time. Each one presented a boilerplate argument which Judge Cavanaugh noted for the record. None of the lawyers got as far as the three‑minute mark. The judge denied all of their motions as fast as they made them. Halfway through, he interrupted the proceedings to address the lawyers still waiting in line. "If you folks are working from the boilerplate, you can expect your motions to be denied. I've already looked ahead. There isn't an argument here that justifies denying the confirmation of a preexisting custody agreement. If you still want to go through the motions, that's all right with me. We take cash, check, or credit card. But I'd just as soon cut to the chase. Unless you've got something to say that isn't cut from the boilerplate, go sit down–"
Several of them actually did. One didn't.
Cavanaugh stared down over the bench at her. "You've got an argument I haven't heard?"
"I think so, Your Honor."
"You are?
"Linda Wright, representing the Rock Father tribe."
"Go on."
"We strongly object to the use of this particular HARLIE engine as a legal advocate."
"On what grounds?"
"This unit is an experimental engine. Its abilities are unproven. It isn't certified."
"I'm satisfied as to its qualifications–"
"That's just the point, Your Honor. It's overqualified.Based on our best information about its processing ability, this HARLIE unit is estimated to be at least twenty‑three hundred times as powerful as the engines of Valada Legal Aptitudes. No other legal engine can match it for processing power."
"Wait a minute. Let me get this straight," Judge Cavanaugh said. "You're moving to deny process here because the other side's representation is too smart?"
"Yes, Your Honor. That's exactly it."
Cavanaugh looked surprised. Then he grinned. "Congratulations, Counselor. I have neverheard that argument in my courtroom before. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard anyattorney argue for stupidity quite so blatantly. You have definitely come up with a newargument. Your motion is still denied, but I just want you to know that I am very impressed with your creativity."