Sincerely,
Penny Croft
Assistant to Peter Hargrave
Founder and CEO of
The New York Journal
To: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Stuart Hertzog <stuart.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Ida Lopez
I just received a phone call from Amy. She is extremely upset. She said she just discovered that you’d scheduled a pretrial discovery conference with one of her staff members.
You deposed one of Amy’s employees this morning without checking with me first? After I specifically asked you to keep me informed on the status of the case, you went ahead and saw one of Amy’s employees behind my back?
Don’t think this is the last you’re going to hear about this.
Stuart Hertzog, Senior Partner
Hertzog Webber and Doyle, Attorneys at Law
444 Madison Avenue, Suite 1505
New York, NY 10022
212-555-7900
To: Stuart Hertzog <stuart.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Ida Lopez
Stuie, you need to relax. You’re going to have a coronary if you keep carrying on this way over every little thing I do. I can give you some breathing exercises I learned from a yogi when I was in India, if you want.
You asked me to take this case for you, and I did. But if you want me to win it in my usual stellar manner, you’re going to have to let me do things my own way.
What’s the big deal, anyway? So I talked to one of your fiancée’s employees without you—or Amy—being in attendance. What, the world is going to end now?
Oh, and when you speak to Dad about me, be sure to bring up—one more time—the thing about how I totaled your Beamer in the tenth grade. Because I really don’t think you’ve run that one into the ground yet.
Give my love to Mom, too, when you speak to her. Which I assume you’re going to do as soon as Dad doesn’t pick up. You know he never answers his cell when he’s on the green.
Mitch
To: Stacy Trent <IH8BARNEY@Freemail.com>
Fr: Margaret Hertzog <margaret.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Your Brother
Stacy, I received a very disturbing phone call from your eldest brother just now. Apparently, Mitchell is up to his old tricks. He is giving Stuart a very hard time about his fiancée. (You did hear that Stuart is engaged? Janice says you told her. God knows no one in this family ever tells ME anything, but why should they, as I’m only their mother? But anyway, Stuart’s marrying that nice Amy Jenkins he brought to your house for Thanksgiving.)
In any case, Stacy, as the only one in the family who has ever had a modicum of influence over Mitchell, I’m asking you—no, telling you—to please try to do something about Mitchell’s attitude. He has upset his brother very, very much. And after everything we’ve been through this year with Janice—did you know she dyed her hairgreen ? And is insisting we call her Sean? As if there were anything wrong with the name we gave her—I am very much looking forward to planning this wedding between Stuart and Amy. If anything should happen to put it in jeopardy, I’ll probably have to be institutionalized. Please don’t allow Mitchell to rob me of the single joy I have left in life.
With love,
Mom
Dear Katie,
Hello! I wanted to say thank you so much for all you have done for me. I know it is not your fault I was fired. So I baked this bundt cake for you. I hope you like it. I have enclosed the recipe. Since I know girls your age don’t bake anymore, I tried to make it simple for you. I think if you try making this cake for any man, he will marry you in a second flat. But not that ex-boyfriend of yours, he is no good for you.
All my love,
Ida
1 pkge instant chocolate fudge pudding mix
½ cup cooking oil
4 eggs
½ cup sour cream
½ cup warm water
1 12-oz pkge chocolate chips, semisweet
1 pkge dark chocolate fudge or devil’s food cake mix (not with pudding added)
Grease and flour a bundt or angel food cake pan (use cocoa instead of flour to avoid white coating on cake).
Mix everything together except eggs and chips. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well. Fold in chips. Put in greased and floured bundt or angel food cake pan. Bake at 350°F for one hour. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes. Carefully insert a knife around the edge of the pan to loosen cake. Remove from pan and cool completely. Serve drizzled with melted dark chocolate or covered with powdered sugar.
Serves 12.
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Cake
CAKE! Ida left me cake!
Come have some!
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Cake
Um, I think that is the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Why do you get all the luck?
Oh no, here comes Reception . . . It’s amazing how they can smell cake from seemingly miles away. They’re like cadaver dogs, or something. Only they sniff out dessert.
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Cake
THEY ATE ALL MY CAKE!!!!!!!!!
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Amy Jenkins <amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Ida Lopez
Please forward I. Lopez’s personnel file and all of its contents to me.
Please note that in the future, you are NOT to meet with Mitchell Hertzog, or anyone involved in the Lopez case, without myself present as well.
Please also note that as an employee of this corporation, you are forbidden from accepting gifts and/or food items from current or former clients. It is simply a matter of ethics, Kate. Kindly refuse Mrs. Lopez’s cakes in the future.
Amy Denise Jenkins
Director
Human Resources
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
212-555-6890
amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com
This e-mail is intended only for the use of the individual to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged and confidential. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you have received this transmission in error; any review, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this transmission is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by reply e-mail and delete this message and all of its attachments.
Katydid:
Get this! Even if he didn’t think I was a complete spaz and asked me out, I couldn’t go. The T.O.D. says I can’t meet with Mitchell Hertzog again unless she’s present!!!!
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Please. The T.O.D. can’t even find last year’s salary-increase recommendations. You really think she’s going to know if you’re seeing some guy?