Katydid:
Still. Where does she get off? Also, she said I can’t take any more cakes from Ida. If she makes me any more, that is.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
In the ladies’ you said you weren’t interested in Mitch that way anyway, so what do you care? Except about the cake. That I can understand.
Katydid:
I’m not. Interested in him. I mean, why should I be? He clearly thinks I’m this huge Kentuckian loser, the way I was dribbling on about . . . oh my God, chicken in garlic sauce. CHICKEN IN GARLIC SAUCE!!!!!!! I was going on and on about it. What is WRONG with me???
Sleaterkinneyfan:
You know, the really amazing thing isn’t that you dated Dale for ten years: It’s that you two ever got together at all. With your self-esteem issues and his addiction to hallucinogens, you two so should have been voted Least Likely to Hook Up with Anyone, Ever.
Katydid:
Hey! Come on!
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Sorry. It’s the hormones. I swear. But seriously, Kate. This is the first guy whose HANDS you’ve found attractive since you realized Dale wasn’t Mr. Right after all. That has to mean something. I say, go for it.
Katydid:
Go for WHAT? I told you, I am ethically opposed to everything Mitchell Hertzog stands for. And besides which, he thinks I’m a spaz, and Amy says I can’t see him again without her permission!
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Oh my God, haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said? Amy Jenkins is T.O.D., not G.O.D. She’s not capable of tracking your every movement—
AmyJenkinsDir:
logged on
AmyJenkinsDir:
Ladies. Have I or have I not spoken to you about Instant Messaging during business hours?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
logged off
Katydid:
logged off
AmyJenkinsDir:
logged off
Sleaterkinneyfan:
logged on
Katydid:
logged on
Sleaterkinneyfan:
I hate her.
Katydid:
She’s the one with the self-esteem issues.
THE NEW YORK JOURNAL
New York City’s Leading Photo-Newspaper
Amy Denise Jenkins
Director
Human Resources
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
212-555-6890
amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com
MEMO
To: All Administrative Staff, All Divisions
Fr: Amy Jenkins, Director, Human Resources
Re: Internet Code of Conduct—Statement of Company Policy
Reminders:
Access to the Internet and the availability of e-mail has been provided for the benefit of employees of theNew York Journal and its clients. It allows employees to connect to information resources and is a communication tool. Its purpose is for employees to conduct official company business, or to receive technical or analytical advice. E-mail may be used for business contacts and for inter-office communications. Every employee of the company has a responsibility to maintain and enhance the company’s public image, and to use the Internet in a productive and professional manner. The following guidelines have been established for using the Internet and inter-office e-maiclass="underline"
Acceptable Uses of the Internet
Employees accessing the Internet are representing theJournal . All communications should be professional. Reading reality-show recaps onTelevisionwithoutpity.com is not a professional use of the Internet. Ditto rating people onhotornot.com. Use of the Internet must not disrupt the operation of the company network. It must not interfere with productivity. Employees are responsible for seeing that the Internet is used in an effective, ethical, and lawful manner.
Communications
Each employee is responsible for the content of all text, audio or images that they place or send over the Internet. Fraudulent, harassing, or obscene messages are prohibited. All messages communicated on the office network should have your name attached. No messages will be transmitted under an assumed name. No abusive, profane, or offensive language is transmitted through the system. Employees who wish to express personal opinions in e-mail may not do so using the Company system, nor during Company time under their own usernames.
Harassment
Harassment of any kind is prohibited. No messages with derogatory or inflammatory remarks about an individual or group’s race, religion, national origin, political party affiliation, physical attributes, work performance, or sexual preference will be transmitted via the Company’s network.
Violations
Violations of any guidelines herein may result in disciplinary action, up to and including termination.
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Internet Code of Conduct—Statement of Company Policy
DO YOU THINK SHE’S TALKING ABOUT US?????
I think she’s talking about US.
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Internet Code of Conduct—Statement of Company Policy
Well, I highly doubt this was directed at Peter Hargrave.
Doesn’t she realize she is slowly draining the life from us, until soon we’ll be nothing but dried husks, formerly known as personnel reps?
God, I wish she’d get hit by a bus.
J
P.S. You should go out with him. If he asks. Soulless-lawyer-for-corporate-raider thing aside. He had on a Rocky and Bullwinkle tie. Rocky and Bullwinkle!!!!
To: Stacy Trent <IH8BARNEY@freemail.com>
Fr: Stuart Hertzog <stuart.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Mitch
Stacy, I know you have some—though not much—influence over Mitch. Still, that’s more than I can say about anybody else in this family. Except for maybe Janice. But the last thing Mom wants is Janice talking to Mitch any more than she does already. Did you know the guy actually told her that a good way to keep her bhang from staining her dorm-room carpet is to Scotchguard the rug before she moves all her stuff in? What kind of person SAYS that to their nineteen-year-old sister?
It’s no wonder she had to move back home.
Anyway, I would appreciate your talking to him about this case with the pie lady at theJournal . I asked him to take it because I’m personally involved. But Mitch seems to be . . . well, taking it far too seriously. To explain: I mean, he’s already dragging Amy’s employees into depos. He had a pretrial discovery conference with one of them this morning, and failed to notify either Amy or me: Amy and I didn’t know anything about it! Worse, I think . . . I’m almost sure . . . he’s interested in her. The employee. Not Amy.
You know that look he had in his eye when he came home from Kuala Lampur? Remember?