Sleaterkinneyfan:
Katie, you are not a heinous judge of character. Your problem is that you—
AmyJenkinsDir:
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AmyJenkinsDir:
Pardon me for interrupting, ladies, but is there or is there not a departmental ban on Instant Messaging during office hours? Ms. Sadler, please get me the blue form on the new hire in Arts. Miss Mackenzie, I need to see you in my office right away.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
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Katydid:
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AmyJenkinsDir:
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Sleaterkinneyfan:
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Katydid:
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Sleaterkinneyfan:
THE TYRANNICAL OFFICE DESPOT MUST DIE
Katydid:
Her home life must be very unsatisfactory.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
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Katydid:
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30’s East Rent Stabilized
A Steal! Studio $1100. No
Fee. Call Ron 718-555-7757
Yo! It’s Ron. Leave a message.
(Tone)
Um, hi, Ron? Hi, this is Kate, Kate Mackenzie. I’m calling about the apartment. The rent-stabilized studio in the East Thirties? Yeah. Please give me a call about it. I can come to look at it any time. Really. Like in five minutes, if you want. Just, you know. Call me. I’ll be at 212-555-6891 until five, then you can reach me at 212-555-1324. And thanks. Call anytime. Really.
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie,
Wipe the seatie!
This message brought to you by
The Human Resources Division of theNew York Journal
THE NEW YORK JOURNAL
New York City’s Leading Photo-Newspaper
Features Division
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
Human Resources Division
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019
We, the undersigned, of the Features Department of theNew York Journal, are hereby returning this sign, found in the restrooms on our division’s floor. While we realize that this sign is the Human Resources Division’s humorous way of dealing with the complaints of untidiness in the restrooms at 216 W. 57th Street, we find the sign offensive for the following reasons:
We in the Features Department do not “tinkle.” We urinate.
We in the Features Department do not refer to ourselves, or anyone else, as “sweetie.” (exception: Dolly Vargas has on occasion referred to people as sweeties, but not in reference to their hygienic practices)
We in the Features Department do not refer to toilet seats as “seaties.”
A more appropriate step toward maintaining an appropriate standard of cleanliness in our restrooms might be more frequent spot checks by the custodial staff.
Please do not hang signs like these in our restrooms EVER again.
Sincerely,
George Sanchez
Melissa Fuller-Trent
Nadine Wilcock-Salerno
Dolly Vargas
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Amy’s Toilet Signs
Oh, my God, the Features Dept. returned those signs the T.O.D. made housekeeping hang in all the toilet stalls! Too funny! Want to be there when I tell her? Amy, I mean.
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Amy’s Toilet Signs
OF COURSE I want to be there. You know how disappointed she’ll be when she finds out. She says she hung signs like this all through her sorority house, and that the girls loved them. This is gonna be so good. . . .
New York Journal Employee Incident Report
Name/Title of Reporter:
Carl Hopkins, Security Officer
Date/Time of Incident:
Wednesday, 1:30 p.m.
Place of Incident:
NY JournalSenior Staff Dining Room
Persons Involved in Incident:
Stuart Hertzog, legal counsel to theNY Journal, 35
Ida Lopez, Craft Food Services dessert cart operator,NY Journal, 64
Nature of Incident:
S. Hertzog asked I. Lopez for more pie.
I. Lopez said No more pie.
S. Hertzog said But I see the pie right there, give me some.
I. Lopez said No more pie for you.
S. Hertzog said Why not?
I. Lopez said You know good and well why.
S. Hertzog summoned Security.
Security gave him pie.
Follow-up:
Incident recorded, sent to A. Jenkins in Human Resources.
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Amy Jenkins <amy.jenkins@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Ida Lopez
Kate—
Thanks for your input re: Be a Sweetie/Wipe the Seatie. However, as I’m sure you’ve seen by now, we have a more pressing concern than the Features Department’s objections to my lavatory signs.
We’ve had another complaint about Ida Lopez, the dessert-cart operator in the senior-staff dining room. It appears the situation is getting worse. Today she categorically refused to give Stuart Hertzog, of Hertzog Webster and Doyle, the paper’s legal counsel, a piece of key lime pie. As you know, desserts in the senior-staff dining room are supposed to be unlimited. When questioned as to her reason behind refusing pie to Mr. Hertzog, Ms. Lopez replied, “He knows good and well.”
Mr. Hertzog, of course, hasn’t got the slightest idea what she is talking about. He has never set eyes on the woman before today.
As Ms. Lopez is currently on disciplinary probation from her last, similar violation, I believe we can begin moving forward with termination paperwork. Therefore, please discontinue work on her disciplinary warning letter for last week’s infraction and begin termination proceedings. Ms. Lopez should be informed no later than today at five o’clock that her services will no longer be required here at theJournal . Please see that Security escorts her to her locker and that she cleans it out thoroughly. Security is not to allow her out of their sight until her keys and employee ID have been confiscated, and she has left the building.
I have been informed by Food Craft Services management that Ida Lopez is inexplicably popular with junior members of the staff. Therefore it would be best if this case were not discussed outside the confines of the department. Please remember that personnel matters are confidential.
I will expect Ms. Lopez’s termination paperwork on my desk no later than 3 p.m. today.
Amy
Amy Denise Jenkins
Director
Human Resources
The New York Journal
216 W. 57th Street
New York, NY 10019