Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: He who?
What are you talking—OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
What is he DOING here?????????? Why is he going into AMY’s office?????????
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Mitchell Hertzog
I don’t know what he’s doing here—talking to the T.O.D. about the case, probably. But this is your big chance to show him you aren’t the world’s greatest spaz. Get up and go make some copies, or something. Shake that booty you’ve worked into such perfect shape running up and down the stairs to my apartment. Thank GOD you wore a skirt today. . . .
GO FILE SOMETHING!!!!!!!!! He’s coming out of her office . . .
Go!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Mitchell Hertzog
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Tim Grabowksi <timothy.grabowski@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Mitchell Hertzog
Jen, my spies tell me that Stuart Hertzog’s brother is in the Human Resources offices at THIS VERY MOMENT. Also, that he was somehow involved in the incident in the lobby not too long ago, involving Kate Mackenzie and her ex. We have a bet going here in Computers that he’s going to ask Kate out, because there is nothing more appealing to a heterosexual male (or so I’m told) than a woman who needs rescuing. And if there was ever a woman who needs rescuing, it’s Kate.
So. Dish. What’s the verdict? Don’t let me down, darlin’, I got a fifty riding on this. . . .
Tim
To: Tim Grabowksi <timothy.grabowski@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Mitchell Hertzog
Could you be more gay? Actually, he apparently came in to have a little powwow with the T.O.D. She looks pretty upset about it, so it must have been about Ida Lopez. You know she’s been getting grief about that from the 25th floor. In fact, she’s on the phone right now, probably to her fiancé, complaining about his brother’s cavalier attitude.
Mitchell just came out of her office and bumped into Kate, who was on her way to the copier. They are exchanging pleasantries.
Will that win you your fifty? Wait, were you for or against?
ComputerGuy:
SPILL! What’re they saying now?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Tim! Is that you?
ComputerGuy:
Who else would it be? No time for pleasantries. Of course I couldn’t be more gay. I AM gay. Now what are they talking about? Has he asked her out yet?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Oh my God. You computer people have no life. Okay, wait, let me just lean over here a little. . . .
She’s apologizing for the lobby scene. He’s saying, “You mean guys don’t show up in your lobby bearing roses and singing love ballads to you every day?”
ComputerGuy:
Ooooooooooooo. Is it true he’s over six feet tall and has a full head of hair?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Yes. And I should add, he’s quite buff. For a lawyer.
ComputerGuy:
WHY ARE ALL THE GOOD ONES STRAIGHT?????????
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Now Kate’s laughing. Oh, God, she’s nervous as hell. She keeps tossing her hair.
ComputerGuy:
Hair tossing is good. What now?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Shit! Kate’s 4:30 appointment just walked in. Dolly Vargas.
ComputerGuy:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Oh, yes. Like a heat-seeking missile, Dolly’s already got Mitchell in her sights . . . she’s centering on him . . . oh yes, and going in for the kill.
ComputerGuy:
Abort! Abort! Don’t just sit on your ass, Sadler! DO something!
Sleaterkinneyfan:
What am I supposed to do, Tim? Dolly’s the Style Editor. She’s wearing stiletto boots with a freaking Prada leather trenchcoat, and knowing Dolly, I can’t promise you she has anything on underneath it.
The guy is going down. . . .
ComputerGuy:
Our fair Kate will prevail! Because she is modest and cares about others. . . . Aw, hell, because Dolly’s pushing 40 and starting to look it.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Wrong! He’s leaving. With Dolly.
ComputerGuy:
No!!!!!!!! Has a date with our fair Kate been secured?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Ew, Dolly’s taking his arm. She is escorting him to elevators!
ComputerGuy:
HAS DATE BEEN SECURED?
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Can’t let you know till after Kate’s meeting with Dolly. . . . No . . . wait . . . Kate’s looking this way. She’s signaling. . . .
ComputerGuy:
WHAT?????? DON’T LEAVE US HANGING HERE.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Negative. That’s a negative. He did not ask her out. Repeat. He did not ask her out.
ComputerGuy:
The horror. Oh, the horror.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Hey, we tried, okay? We’ll get him next time, champ.
ComputerGuy:
Next time? I can’t go through this again. Oh, God, I need a Campari.
I am actually moist beneath the pits.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Dolly is returning from elevators. She has a sly, cat-who-swallowed-canary look on her face. . . .
ComputerGuy:
Are you surprised? We all know she swallows.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
Ew! This conversation is over.
Sleaterkinneyfan:
logged off
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Dolly Vargas <dolly.vargas@thenyjournal.com>
Re: You
Katie, sweetie, it was LOVELY seeing you this afternoon. I didn’t know you were friends with Mitch Hertzog. Isn’t he a lamb? He helped me out of the most horrendous jam with one of my exes. . . . I met him at a benefit for heart disease. Mitch, not the ex. Hertzog Senior’s a longtime Heart Association benefactor . . . although more, I think, because he’s hoping to benefit from the research himself more than because he actually wants to help others. Mitch is the black sheep of the family—amajor disappointment to his parents, from what I understand. You know, he worked for a few years as a public defender. He tried very hard to give all manner of horrible people the vigorous defense they so badly needed but could not afford. Something about giving back to the community.
Still, in spite of that little lapse in judgment, he’s yummy. SO unlike his loathsome older brother. Did I tell you Stuart Hertzog once nearly got into a fistfight with a city councilwoman at a Trent (of the Park Avenue Trents, darling—Stuart and Mitchell’s sister is married to one) fundraiser? A FISTFIGHT, darling . . . something about the New York City school system, I can’t remember what. I think Stuart felt like, since he didn’t have kids, why should he pay so much in taxes for upkeep of the public school system? So the councilwoman told him because the schools were educating today’s children to be tomorrow’s doctors, and didn’t he think he’d need healthcare in his old age, and Stuart said over his dead body would he ever go to a doctor who’d received a public-school education. Well, you can see why she wanted to hit him).