Keep your chin up, and send everything to be dry-cleaned . . . at Mom’s expense, of course.
Mitch
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Dolly Vargas <dolly.vargas@thenyjournal.com>
Re: You
Darling, it was SO sweet of you to pretend to be Skiboy’s girlfriend yesterday. You really are an INVALUABLE little roomie. I can’t imagine what I ever did without you.
Now, I’m going to have a late night tonight—the fall shows, don’t you know—so if you wouldn’t mind just letting Skiboy in when he shows up—it will probably be around nine—I’d love you forever. He’s had some entanglement with his landlord—I don’t know what, I try not to pay attention when he talks, he’s so dull. But those shoulders! Oh!
He promises not to be any trouble. And no need to worry about Peter, he’s got his golf lesson at Chelsea Piers tonight, so we won’t be seeing him until Wednesday at the earliest.
Ciao!
XXXOOO
Dolly
To: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Dale Carter <imnotmakinganymoresandwiches@freemail.com>
Re: Lunch
Okay, so I know I owe you an apology for that whole thing today at the restaurant. I’m really sorry. In fact, I’m so sorry, I already wrote a song about it. It’s called “Chicken a la Kate.” Will you PLEASE come to our gig tonight so you can hear me sing it? We’ll be playing over at Bryant Park, for one of the designers for the fall fashion runway shows. It’s our first official gig with our new label.
And in spite of what Scroggs thinks, we are not sellouts to be playing at a fashion show. I mean, isn’t that what life is, really? A fashion show?
So was that guy I poured chicken on really your lawyer? Or is he like your new boyfriend? Because it looked to me like he likes you as more than just, you know, somebody he’s lawyering for.
Dale
To: Dale Carter <imnotmakinganymoresandwiches@freemail.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Chicken
Client. The people lawyers do their “lawyering” for are called clients. And that is what I am to Mitch Hertzog. His client. That’s all.
But Dale, you seriously have to give up on the whole trying-to-get-me-back thing. Because I’m not coming back. I’m not saying I don’t still love you—there’s a part of me that will probably always love you. But during this time I’ve spent away from you, I’ve realized something, and that’s that I’m notin love with you anymore. I don’t think I have been for some time.
And it’s not just because you won’t make a commitment. It’s because I realize now you and I have completely different values and goals in life. I mean, really, Dale, what am I going to do when you and the band go on tour? Follow you around the country? I’m not a groupie. That wouldn’t make me happy. What makes me happy is helping people.
And don’t say that YOU need my help and that that should be enough for me. I’m not talking about looking after someone’s bowling shoes or keeping the apartment stocked with coffee filters. I’m talking about helping people to make career and life choices. I know it may not seem like it sometimes, but ultimately, when things are going the way they should, that’s what I do here at theJournal . And I really really love it.
But even you have to admit that my job and your job are totally incompatible. I mean, how many rock stars have you seen onBehind the Music who are married to human resource representatives? Not even one.
So Dale, please, please, please move on. I’m not coming back, not ever, and I know that, in time, you’ll see this is for the best.
Love,
Kate
Journal of Kate Mackenzie
According to Professor Wingblade, all human beings have worth and dignity. But I wonder if he would still feel that way if he met the T.O.D. I mean, she really is reprehensible. A little while ago, when we met up here in the outer office of Hertzog Webber and Doyle, she took one look at me and was like, “Well, it’s about time you dressed like a professional.” Right in front of the receptionist and Stuart and everything!
Thank God Mitch wasn’t here yet. But still. I guess she thinks we can ALL afford to raid TSE anytime we want. Maybe if I were making seventy grand a year like her, and not forty, like me, I could. But on my salary, it’s Ann Taylor Loft or nothing.
And she’s been so mean to poor Mrs. Lopez! I have to admit, I was kind of surprised to see her here—in Mitch’s office, I mean. I guess I forgot this whole thing revolves around her, and not the T.O.D. She does have a way of making everything be about her—the T.O.D., I mean.
Like when Mrs. Lopez was all happy to see me and offered me a slice of carrot cake from this pan she’d brought along, the T.O.D. gave me the dirtiest look for actually taking it. The cake, I mean. Maybe she was just jealous because Mrs. Lopez didn’t offerher cake. . . . Probably she’ll turn it into a whole big thing about how I’ve let the department down or something by siding with staff instead of management. I bet I’ll be playing trust games from now until the end of time.
I don’t care, though. This cake is heaven. If only I could make something as good for dessert when I go over to Mitch’s. Mrs. L gave me the recipe. And they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. . . .
He has on a Wonder Woman tie today. I love Wonder Woman. SHE would never let a tyrannical office despot make her feel guilty for eating cake.
What’s really weird is, when he showed up, Mrs. Lopez gave HIM cake, too. Not Stuart. She didn’t offer STUART one. But she did his brother.
Which means Mrs. Lopez’s whole thing about Stuart (whatever it is) isn’t because of a Hertzog FAMILY trait.
Why I should find this so comforting, I hardly know. But for some reason, the fact that Mrs. Lopez likes Mitch makes me not feel so bad about liking him, too.
Oops, here comes his assistant. I guess it’s my turn.
Ida Lopez’s Carrot Cake
Preheat oven to 350° F. Butter and flour two 9-inch cake pans.
Sift together and set aside:
2 cups flour
2 ½ teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
In a separate bowl, combine one cup canola oil and 1 ½ cups sugar. To the oil/sugar mixture add three eggs and the dry ingredients. Then add:
1 cup unsweetened apple sauce
3/4 cups grated California carrots (squeeze out the juice using cheesecloth)
1 cup walnuts
Mix on low speed until just incorporated (do not overmix). Divide batter between the two cake pans. Bake for 40 to 50 minutes. Give pans a quarter turn every 15 minutes.
To make the frosting, cream together 13 oz. cream cheese (room temperature), 5 oz. butter (room temperature). 1 ½ cups confectioners’ sugar, and 1 tablespoon lemon juice.
Deposition of Kathleen Mackenzie
in case of Ida D. Lopez/United Staff
Association of NYJ. Local 6884
vs.
The New York Journal
held at the offices of