Please. I don’t even own a bicycle.
OFFICE WORK, FT/PT weekdays.
Pleasant environment to do a variety of work. Some customer contact, strong Excel & Word a must. Salary DOE. Fax resume & salary requirements to:
212-555-4052
I can’t believe I went to college so I could file.
ACTIVISM JOBS FOR THE ENVIRONMENT — NYPIRG is now hiring students and grads for an urgent campaign to protect our air & water in NYC. F/T and P/T positions are avail immed earn $300–$1000/week w/oppty for advancement and benefits. EOE. Call Angie: (212) 555-PIRG (x7474)
Or knock on doors.
Fundraising/Devmt EOE MFDVSO. THE LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL & TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY CENTER Seeking exp'd counselors. Post-op transgenders preferred. Qualified applicants should fax cover letter stating sal history & desired pos: 212-555-2657
Great. The only way I’d qualify for this one is if I turn into a she-male.
ELECTRICIAN Expd Mechanic w/ following skills: Plan-install-wiring for installation of panels, fixtures, outlets, comm’l air conditioning & refrigeration, low voltage wiring, intercoms, security & fire alarm systems, motor controls & installing motors, fans & pumps. $1000+ week. Fx res: 212-555-1460
WHY didn’t I become an electrician?????
HEALTH FOOD HELP—PT/FT
Produce workers/Deli Juice Bar Person & Cashier wtd. Health Food Store Exp. Required. No Phone Calls. Please apply at Yoga Yogurt, 229 W. 13th St (btw 7th & 8th Ave)
Food service. Might as well move back to Kentucky and ask if I can have my old job at Rax Roast Beef.
LIFEGUARDS Wanted—
Free conditioning & training for great summer lifeguard jobs at NYC beaches and pools. Employment after successful completion of training course, final test and background check. By date of hire must be 16+. Call 212-555-7880 EOE
Ha! I WISH!
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Kate
Hi, Jen. I tried to call, but all I got was your voice mail.
Have you heard from Kate this morning? How’s she doing? I e-mailed her, but I haven’t heard back.
Let me know if you’ve heard anything.
Mitch
To: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Kate
She’s fine. Ornery, but fine.
I don’t think it will come as too much of a shock to you if I tell you that you are not one of her favorite people this morning, either. She doesn’t seem to remember too much about what happened last night. How are your shoes, anyway?
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Kate
My shoes are fine. And it’s great to hear that Kate’s all right. Not so great, you know, that she hates my guts, but I can’t say I blame her.
Listen, do you have access to Kate’s computer at work? I was wondering if you’d be willing to commit a little white-collar crime for me. Nothing major, just check Kate’s e-mail IN box and see if that note from Amy Jenkins—the one telling Kate to quit writing the warning letter to Ida Lopez—is still there. Could you do that for me, and let me know? I’d appreciate it.
Mitch
To: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Kate
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but Kate’s workstation has been cleared, and her computer’s hard drive replaced. Amy got in here first thing after lunch yesterday and made sure the place was denuded of any sign that Kate Mackenzie ever worked here. Her files have been confiscated as well. My guess is, they’ve already met their fate with the office shredder. Amy is pretty thorough in her ruthless quest for total domination over the HR division of this company.
So unless Kate printed out a copy of her e-mail from Amy and took it home—which is exceedingly doubtful, knowing Kate, who likes to keep her work and home life separate—I’m sorry to say it’s gone, never to be seen again.
Nice try, though, Romeo.
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Kate
I’m not giving up that easily. Give me the name and number of your IT guy, will you, Jen? Thanks.
Mitch
To: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Tim Grabowski <timothy.grabowski@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Kate
Got your message. Just tried calling but I got your voicemail.
Anyway, in answer to your question, the only way I could read Amy Jenkins’s e-mail is through her computer. All of our e-mail is sent through a POP server. The mail program automatically downloads mail from the server to the sender’s hard disk, then it erases them from the server, so the only way to get to the sent e-mail is to go onto the hard drive of the computer from which it was sent.
Which, unless you’ve got a key to Amy’s office, is going to be next to impossible.
Wish I could be more help. Kate’s a cute kid, and we’re all just crushed over what’s happened. If you talk to her, tell her that the nextFarscape marathon is at Raj’s. She’ll know what I mean.
Tim
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Tim Grabowski <timothy.grabowski@thenyjournal.com>
Re: You
Hey, what’s up with you and Dylan McDermott? You two an item yet, or what? I hope so. That guy is seriously easy on the eyes. But what’s with the Superfriends ties? Hermès is so much classier.
Still, he seems to really like you. At least he really wants to help you get your job back, which is the same thing, practically. Got a message from him.
Invite me to the wedding?
Miss ya.
Tim
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Mitch
What is going on with Mitch and IT? Tim just said Mitch had been in touch with him. Come on. Spill. You know you can’t keep a secret.
Kate
P.S. On my way to get a paper, I nearly got hit by a cab, and I didn’t even care. Seriously. It was like, Oh, look, this cab is about to hit me. But I wasn’t scared or anything. Because what would it matter if I died? Without my job, I have nothing to contribute to society anyway. I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD.
I was saved from the brink of death at the last minute by a Chinese food delivery man who pulled me back onto the curb. But still.
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Mitch
That taxicab story is horrifying, but it is not going to induce me to tell you what Mitch wanted.
He made me promise not to tell.
But I swear to you, Kate, this guy’s only got what’s best for you in mind. He’s the real deal.