You might want to rethink the suicide-by-cab thing. Just FYI.
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: He’s the real deal
Sure, that’s what they all say. Excuse me if I take this opportunity to barf some more. Oh, hold on, the doorman is buzzing. Flowers being delivered from Skiboy for Dolly, no doubt.
Hey, do you have to tip flower delivery guys?
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Flower Delivery
Yes, you have to tip them. Two or three bucks, at least. Hasn’t anyone ever sent you flowers before?
And how do you know they’re from Skiboy? Maybe they’re from the great Peter Hargrave himself. Call me and describe them, as Craig hasn’t sent me flowers since we got married, and I’ve forgotten what they look like.
East Side Floral Company
“Say it with Flowers”
1125 York Avenue • New York New York, 10028.
To: Kate Mackenzie care of Dolly Vargas. 610 East End Avenue, Penthouse A.
Forgive me?
Mitch
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Flower Delivery
Roses. Two dozen of them. Pink ones.
From Mitch.
Like I’m just supposed to forget he got me fired.
Still. It’s sweet of him. Considering I barfed on his shoes and all.
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: Flower Delivery
So are you going to have dinner with him, or not?
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Dinner
Like a few flowers are going to make everything okay? I am so not having dinner with him.
Please.
No way.
Kate
To: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Hi
Hi, Mitch. I tried calling your office just now, but your assistant says you’re out. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.
Thanks also for helping me last night . . . that is, Jen told me you helped. I don’t actually remember it very well, except the part where I heaved on your shoes. Sorry about that. Every time you come near me you seem to get sprayed with something, don’t you? Like I’m Mount St. Helens or something.
Anyway, if the offer for dinner still stands, I’ll take you up on it.
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Mitchell Hertzog <mitchell.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Hi
Of course the offer for dinner still stands. Seven okay? Glad you liked the flowers. Don’t worry about the shoes. I didn’t like them much anyway.
Mitch
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Me
I’m going.
WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?????
Kate
To: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Fr: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Re: You
I so knew it.
Wear a skirt.
And remember, though he may be a cute wheelchair-basketball-playing lawyer with barf on his shoes, you still don’t know where he’s been. Don’t forget to use a condom, Miss “I’ve Only Been with One Other Man My Whole Life.”
J
To: Jen Sadler <jennifer.sadler@thenyjournal.com>
Fr: Kate Mackenzie <katydid@freemail.com>
Re: Me
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!
Kate
Journal of Kate Mackenzie
What am I doing? I mean, why am I obsessing over what to wear tonight to Mitch’s? I shouldn’t even be GOING to Mitch’s. I have no job, no place to live, I’m on the rebound, relationship-wise. This guy has been nothing but trouble, and besides which, the two of us have nothing in common, except a mutual appreciation for Mrs. Lopez’s brownies and the Travel Channel. I mean, he’s a LAWYER.
Should I wear control-top panties, or not? You know they leave those lines . . . but if I don’t wear them, my belly pooches out.
Oh my God, I can’t even believe I’m obsessing over this.
Do I have time to whip up one of Mrs. Lopez’s recipes? No . . . I can’t make a bundt cake AND blow out my hair. . . . DAMN!!!!!!!!!
D’Agostino Supermarkets #6
1507 York Avenue
New York, NY 10021
Reg 2 Time: 18:02
Cashier 411
Name: Dolores
1 lb. tiger prawn $17.99 2 artichokes $02.99 4 lemons $02.00 1 Irish butter $05.99 1 Fettucine $03.99 1 French bread $01.99 1 El Rey Cho Bar $02.52 1 pd coffee $06.99 1 garlic $00.59 4 pears $02.00 Subtotal $47.05 Tax $03.88 Total $50.93
Charge
Mitchell Hertzog
xxxx-xxx-xxxx-xxxx
Thank you for shopping at D’Agostino
Welcome to CVS
Reg 1 Time: 18:22
1 pk Lady Bic Disp Razors $2.99 1 L’eggs Con. Top $1.49 1 pk Trojan Ribbed $7.99 1 Almay Pressed Powder $7.99 Subtotal $19.49 Tax $1.61 Total $20.09
Charge
Kathleen Mackenzie
xxxx-xxx-xxxx-xxxx
Thank you for shopping
at CVS
To: Stacy Trent <IH8BARNEY@freemail.com>
Fr: Margaret Hertzog <margaret.hertzog@hwd.com>
Re: Your brother
Stacy, I tried to phone, but no one picked up. Either you are all out, or your au pair is on the phone with her Swedish boyfriend again, and not picking up. I really suggest you get her a separate line. And I do hope you are deducting the cost of these calls she’s constantly making to this boy from her weekly paycheck.
Anyway, I just received an extremely distressing phone call from your brother Stuart. He says you are being most uncooperative regarding the wedding plans. I understand that the week of June 21 is the only time in the foreseeable future the two of them can both be away from their jobs, and that—although Jason promised them use of your yard for an outdoor ceremony on Midsummer’s Day—there seems to be some problem with—and I am finding this hard to believe, but Stuart swears he heard it directly from you—your coven?