Maybe Nate hadn’t heard. Maybe my brain was so screwed up that I thought I said something when, in fact, it was just the ghost of a whisper in my ear.
I turned the key all the way and revved Matlock a bit as I glanced into the rearview mirror and then into the side mirror. I looked everywhere but at the guy beside me, because inside, I was counting. I was counting and trying like hell to focus.
One. Two. Three. Over and over again.
It was a good minute or so before I felt calm enough to glance his way, but when I did, my heart nearly popped out of my chest.
His dark eyes were on me. And they knew. They knew. They knew something bad had happened. Something worse than bad. Something unforgivable.
We stared at each other for a long time, so long that my eyes began to burn and I was afraid I was going to cry.
Wow. That would be epic.
“I can’t talk about it,” I said, grateful that the lump in my throat loosened.
Nate’s eyes never left mine, and I shivered when he spoke, so soft and low that I don’t think I actually heard him—I think that I read his lips. “Okay.”
A long shuddering breath escaped me, and I put the car into gear.
“I don’t want to go home yet,” I said, staring ahead. My palms were sweaty, and even though it was hot as sin, I was shivering.
“Just drive.”
I pulled out into the road and asked, “Where?”
Nate didn’t answer. He pointed when he wanted me to turn right or left, and within ten minutes, we were on the outskirts of town. I didn’t say anything because I honestly didn’t care where we went as long as I didn’t have to go back to Oak Run Plantation. I couldn’t explain the feeling that pressed into my chest any more than I could explain the need to be with Nate.
And that’s what this was, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to be alone. Not now. Not tonight. Already images and sounds were crowding my brain, and it was all I could do to keep the stupid car on the road.
I didn’t want to remember. Jesus, I didn’t want to go back there.
“Take this right,” Nate said, leaning closer as he gazed into the distance.
The sun was starting to set over the trees that lined the road, and for a moment, my eyes were blind as I navigated the turn. When the sun disappeared momentarily, I noticed a huge sign that looked like it was a hundred years old or something. Faded letters spread across it, broken in places. Damaged and worn. Kind of like me.
Twin Oaks Drive-In.
“Keep going,” Nate urged.
A rusted gate was off to the side, and I snuck a look at him as I slowly drove up a large hill. His eyes were focused ahead, and I couldn’t tell if he was nervous or pissed off or…or just nothing.
We crested the hill, and I saw a large screen, or rather the shell of what used to be a large screen, across a huge field littered with broken electrical or stereo hook-ups. This was an ancient drive-in, kind of like the one from that movie my mom liked to watch, Grease.
And it was deserted.
With the sun falling behind the tops of the trees that seemed to be everywhere, it was also kind of creepy.
“So why are we here?” I asked.
“Just keep driving. Take the path to the right.”
He should know by now that I didn’t like being told what to do, but considering the shitty night he’d had so far, I was willing to let this slide. “We aren’t doing anything illegal, are we? Like is this trespassing or something?”
Nate shook his head and pointed. Trees surrounded the entire area like a blanket, and what used to be a food stand was missing its roof and all of its windows. Chipped paint dressed the doors and crumbling façade, and the shadows were long near the entrance.
I followed the path, noticing the worn grooves from tires, and didn’t stop even when we entered the woods, though I did slow down.
“Up there,” Nate said.
I glanced ahead and saw that the trees thinned. I also saw what looked like fire throwing shadows through the branches, and as we drove into a clearing, I spied several vehicles.
My heart thudded.
I saw about twenty kids hanging around the fire, drinking, laughing, jostling around. They looked like they were having a good time. Like nothing was wrong and everything was right.
I pulled in beside a huge, mud-splattered SUV because there was nowhere else to park and then cut the engine.
“Are those your friends?”
Nate nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t really want to be here, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him.
“Is your girlfriend there?” I asked instead.
“No.”
The tightness in my chest eased a bit, but it only managed to irritate me. Why was I so concerned about his girlfriend? It’s not like this—us—was anything. This was just…I rapped my fingers along the top of the steering wheel, frustrated and pissed off and not really knowing why.
This was nothing. Nate was nothing. I was nothing.
We were caught up in nothing. Together.
“Come on, let’s go.”
Nate had his door open and was out of the car before I could say anything, and for a second, I thought of driving away. Of leaving him here and just driving into the night. Going somewhere far where I didn’t have to think about Nathan or Trevor or Malcolm, or any of the mistakes we’d made to get to where we were.
“Are you coming?”
He poked his head inside the car, and though there was still this sort of sadness around his eyes, there was also something else. I thought that maybe that something else looked good on him. Maybe I was the reason that something else was there.
My mouth was dry and I tried to swallow. “Why are we here?” I managed to say.
He stared at me for so long without speaking that I felt my cheeks flush hot, and I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. That something else in his eyes touched me inside, and for just this one moment, it felt better than the nothing that was usually there.
He closed his door, and I watched him walk around the front of the car until he was beside mine. Carefully he yanked it open and moved aside so that I had room to move.
“You said you didn’t want to go home yet.” He paused. “I don’t want to go home yet either.”
Nate offered me his hand, and before I could stop myself, I took it. His warmth seeped into my cold fingers and his thumb pressed against the inside of my wrist.
My breath caught as I stared down at his hands.
His fingers were long and tapered, and I noticed a cool leather bracelet around his wrist. It looked old and weathered, as if he’d worn it for a long time. It meant something to him. Was it a gift from his girlfriend?
His thumb moved once more, his pad a little rough against my skin. The world tipped a little off center, and for one crazy second, time seemed to stop.
“Let’s go,” he said roughly, his thumb circling around until eventually he let go and turned toward the fire. “We won’t stay late. Only until…”
“Until what?” I asked, taking the few steps needed until I was beside him.
Nate glanced down at me, his expression unreadable, but I saw the way his pulse pounded at the base of his neck. I saw it and felt it.
“Nate?”
“Maybe, for a little while, we can both forget.”
Okay.
That was good enough for me.
Chapter Ten
Nathan
I didn’t know if bringing Monroe out here was a good idea—heck, I didn’t know if me being here was a good idea—but it sure felt right.
Though I suppose if my parents or uncle or even Mrs. Blackwell knew that I’d brought Monroe to a bush party, they wouldn’t exactly be thrilled. But the party was low key and none of the hardcore guys were out yet. It was way too early. They didn’t usually hit a party until after midnight, and I planned to be long gone by then.