Chapter Twenty-Four
Nathan
The week passed by in a blur of hot summer days spent out at the plantation working on a new gazebo with my uncle and hot summer nights spent under the stars with Monroe.
Working with my uncle was good for me. It was hard physical labor, and I wasn’t the kind of guy who liked to sit on his ass and do nothing. Besides, there wasn’t much time to think about shit when you were on a hot roof nailing tarpaper down.
There was no time to remember that night, to think about the stuff I should have done differently. The mistakes I’d made, the choices that had brought me to where I was.
Of course, Trevor was with me, but that was okay. I needed him there even if it was only in my head.
But it was those hot summer nights that I looked forward to, because it was those hot summer nights that made me forget everything but a girl with dark, silky hair and a mouth that I could spend hours kissing. Seriously, the girl could kiss, and over the last week, we’d had a lot of practice. A lot.
Sure, there might have been a bit of touching—okay, I knew that most of her was as soft and sweet as her mouth—but nothing else. And I was cool with that.
Monroe was different from any girl I had ever met, and I’d be a liar if I told you I hadn’t thought about what it would be like to be with her. To hold her and look in her eyes when I was inside her.
But what we had was more than just the physical stuff. We talked for hours about pretty much everything. Music. Books. Family.
She told me about her brother. About the kind of kid he’d been, and for me, to be the guy she was willing to share all that stuff with was huge.
I felt like the king of the world, and for a while there, I felt like nothing could touch me. That’s what this girl did for me.
But being a king and flying high meant that the fall could be epic. And in my case, epic didn’t even come close.
It was Friday afternoon, and I’d come to town with my uncle to pick up a few things at the hardware store. We were nearly done with the gazebo but had run out of plywood trim for the base, and we needed to buy more paint.
Once we stored everything in the back of his truck, my uncle ran to the bank, and I walked a block down to the convenience store to grab us a couple of Cokes.
The girl behind the counter was someone I recognized, but I couldn’t think of her name. Candy…Candace maybe? She was a year behind me in school, and I tried not to stare as she tugged her top down so that her boobs were nearly falling out. It was kinda hard not to. They were massive.
“Hey, Nathan. How’s your summer going? I mean, I know it’s probably hard and everything…and…”
I shrugged. “It’s going.”
I tossed a pack of gum on the counter to go along with my Cokes.
“I heard you and Rachel broke up.”
I nodded but didn’t answer. I didn’t know the girl, not really, and it’s not like we’d ever had a conversation before, so why the hell was she chatting me up about Rachel?
“I hear Trevor’s the same. Not really improving. That’s gotta be weird, you know? It’s almost like he’s stuck or something.”
Annoyed, I ran my hand through my hair and rolled my shoulders. “I really don’t know.”
And it’s none of your business.
The bell jingled behind me so I knew I wasn’t the only one in the store anymore. I cleared my throat, a “let’s get the freaking show on the road” kind of sound, but this girl was dense.
She rang up my order. “So, are you and Mrs. Blackwell’s granddaughter like, you know, dating?”
Jesus. I handed over a five-dollar bill. I gave a noncommittal nod that she could take whatever way she wanted. Was she ever going to shut up?
“That’s gotta suck,” she said.
My head shot up, not really understanding her angle or her need to talk about my social life. “Why the hell do you care?” I said sharply.
Surprise widened her eyes and she stammered like an idiot. “You know, uh, because she doesn’t live around here. I mean, she’s going back to wherever it is she’s from, isn’t she? New York, I think someone said? And well, if you guys are together, then you won’t really be together anymore and…”
Right.
“Thanks for pointing that out.”
It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every damn night for at least a week. Monroe’s parents were coming in a few days and then…well, then she was going home and I had no idea how I was going to survive without her.
Pissed off, I grabbed my stuff from the counter and turned around without answering.
I turned around and nearly ran over Trevor’s mom.
Holy. Shit. I wasn’t ready for this.
She was even thinner than when I’d seen her at the hospital, and trust me, Trevor’s mom was already skinny; she didn’t need to lose weight. The purple dress she wore looked like it was two sizes too big.
Her eyes were sunken, kind of like the skin around them was too thin and bruised, and I glanced away because there’s no way I could look into them. Jesus, it felt like someone had just punched me in the gut.
I couldn’t see her pain. Not now.
My chest made this weird whooshing sound, like air had just been let out of a tire.
I think my heart stopped. Or maybe it was just the weird sensation of my stomach rolling end over end before falling all the way to the floor.
My fingertips started to tingle, and black dots flickered before my eyes.
“Nate, you don’t look so good.” Brenda Lewis watched me closely, her thin lips trembling, her hands running up and down her thighs nervously.
I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say a damn thing, because my tongue was stuck at the back of my throat and those spots flickering in front of my eyes made it hard to concentrate.
“Shit,” I said, shaking my head to try and stop the roaring in my ears. What the hell was wrong with me? “I’m sorry,” I managed to say, though I wasn’t sure she heard me. Or maybe the words had only echoed inside my head.
“Come with me,” she said.
She touched me, her hand strangely cool and smooth on my skin, and I let her lead me out of the store.
I don’t think my heart slowed down until we walked a few feet and stopped near a bench cemented into the sidewalk underneath an oak tree.
The shade wasn’t dark enough and I wished that it were nighttime, because the shadows were thicker, easier to hide inside.
I didn’t know what to do, so I popped open my Coke and took a sip, my eyes on the sidewalk, on the cracks that spread out like spidery fingers. The square I looked at was fractured. It was broken and in bad need of repair. Kind of like me.
Kind of like Trevor.
“Nate,” she said softly. “Look at me.”
I can’t.
But I did.
“I’ve been calling your cell all morning.”
What?
That bad feeling was back in a big way, and for a minute, I thought I was going to puke.
“Mrs. Lewis,” I said weakly.
“It’s Brenda,” she answered gently. “It’s always been Brenda.”
I nodded and blew out a long, shuddering breath. I was so afraid to speak. To ask the question that hovered on the tip of my tongue.
“I forgot my cell at home,” I said instead.
She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, shivering as if she was cold. It was hot as hell, nearly 100 degrees, and yet I was the same. I felt like I’d been dipped into a bucket of ice.
“Your uncle told me you were in the store. I ran into him at the bank.”
My heart spiked, pounding so fast and furious that, for a second, I was dizzy. I felt as if I’d just played the toughest football game of my life. As if I’d run every single play myself. Given everything that I had and it wasn’t enough.