I wasn’t sure what to do and, honestly, was about to take off, when she turned around so fast, she nearly fell.
Feeling weird about all of this, I took a step back.
She sniffled loudly. “Nathan’s a good guy.” Her voice broke and she wiped her hand under her nose, shoulders hunched as she looked at me from behind her raccoon-like eyes.
I didn’t know what to say so I stayed silent.
“I miss him, you know? But it’s over between us.” She wrapped her arms around her body and shook her head. “I think it was over before that night.”
I didn’t get it. “Why are you telling me this?”
Rachel smiled, a sad sort of smile that never reached her eyes. She shrugged. “I don’t know why.” She looked down at the ground. “He was going to break up with me that night. Bailey told me. So I kept feeding him beers whenever I got the chance. Anything to keep him from telling me we were over.”
When she glanced back at me, I saw the same pain in her eyes that I saw in Nathan’s.
“I’m just as much to blame as Nathan is for what happened that night.”
“Maybe you should tell him that,” I whispered.
She shoved her hands behind her back and sighed. “Maybe.” She paused. “I hear you’re heading back to New York City tomorrow.”
I nodded.
“Nathan’s a good guy. I’m glad he found some kind of peace with you.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled, not really knowing how to respond to that. So I kept it simple. “Have a good…night,” I managed to say.
Abruptly I turned and plowed through the trees until I made it back to the clearing. I spied Brent almost immediately, there near the edge with his girl, and I ran to him.
“Can I borrow your car?”
Brent glanced up, his mouth still on the girl’s neck, a slow grin on his face as he licked her once and then turned to me. “You and Nate want some alone time?”
I nodded, not in the mood to play games, as I held out my hand.
He reached into his front pockets and then tossed the keys to me. “I’ll get a ride with someone.”
“Thanks.”
In seconds, I was back with Nathan, and I guess I looked wild or crazy or, I don’t know how I looked, but he waved off football buddy and grabbed my hand.
“Are you all right?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
No.
“Can we get out of here?”
Nathan stared down at the keys in my hand. “Are you sure about this?”
I reached up and kissed his mouth, this boy who I loved so much, and I whispered, “I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
His dark eyes fell to my lips and he nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I repeated, pulling him after me as we disappeared into the dark.
Chapter Thirty-One
Nathan
The ride back to my place didn’t take long. Five minutes maybe. But it was a long five minutes.
A long five minutes filled with a lot of thoughts I wasn’t so sure I should be thinking about.
First off, Monroe looked so freaking hot tonight that I’d barely been able to keep my hands off her. That little top she wore had Brent’s eyes bugging out of his head when he’d first laid eyes on her.
I couldn’t blame the guy. He was human, after all, but still. I’d never felt this possessive of a girl before, and when I caught Chad checking her out—elbowing the guys on the team to do the same—I could have easily gone all caveman on them, but I didn’t think Monroe would like that kind of shit.
But the thing that made all of this so much harder was the fact that this was our last night together, and though I tried to keep my thoughts PG, it hadn’t exactly worked.
I thought about her in that little bikini she’d worn when I had taken her to Baker’s Landing. I thought of how she’d felt all slippery and wet. How her pupils dilated when she kissed me and she made these sounds in her throat when I kissed her back.
She was so beautiful. So damn perfect.
And I didn’t know what to do with that. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I deserved her, I was over that shit. But I loved this girl—I loved her more than I thought it was possible to love a girl. And here we were, counting down our last minutes together, and I suppose I should have been happy to just cuddle and talk, but man, all I could think about was getting her alone. In my room.
Naked.
“We’re here.”
Yanked from my thoughts, I glanced at my house. A house that was in darkness.
A house that was empty.
She cut the engine and turned to me. “I had to get out of there,” she said suddenly.
“I know.” I tried to make things light, but when she turned to me, there were tears in her eyes. What the hell?
“Hey,” I whispered, unbuckling my seat belt as she did the same and scooted over onto my lap. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head as if she was trying to decide what to say, and then she spoke so softly I had to listen hard in order to hear her.
“I talked to Rachel.”
“Rachel,” I repeated.
I tried to keep it together. To keep it cool. But the truth was, there was a lot that Rachel could tell Monroe if she wanted to screw my night up. A lot. Shit. This had to be a guy’s worst nightmare. No one wanted their ex-girlfriend gossiping about sex stuff to the new girlfriend.
“She seems really messed up.”
I nodded. Messed up was an understatement. I’d known Rachel for a long time, and she was way more messed up than anyone knew. There were a lot of family issues—mainly with her stepfather—and she smoked too much weed and drank more than she should. I wasn’t sure if she was ever going to be the carefree fun girl I started dating in ninth grade.
“What did she want?” I asked hesitantly.
“I’m not sure,” Monroe said. “But I think she was checking to make sure I was treating you right.”
Huh.
Monroe was quiet for a few moments, her forehead furrowed as if she was thinking really hard.
“She’s going to need someone this year. I mean, I won’t be upset if you are the one she leans on.”
“So let me get this straight. You’re giving me permission to hang out with my ex-girlfriend.”
Her eyebrow rose. “Just hang out. You know, if you want to, because I think she needs someone right now.”
God, I loved this girl.
“But no touching,” she continued.
I grabbed her chin. I stared into her eyes so she had to see me—had to know how I felt. “I don’t want to touch anyone but you, Monroe. There is no one else for me.” I shrugged. “There just isn’t.”
“Let’s go inside.”
I knew what she was asking. What she wanted. And it’s not like I hadn’t thought about it every night for the past few weeks. It’s not like I hadn’t dreamed of being with her. Of watching her breathe and move. Of knowing what it felt like to be inside her.
But…this wasn’t just any girl. “Are you sure, Monroe?”
Her lips slid across mine until her mouth was against my ear. “Yes.”
The house was in darkness but she didn’t care.
“Where’s your bedroom?”
I grabbed Monroe’s hand and led her down the hall. My room was at the back of the house, and I shoved the door open, following Monroe inside.
“Is there a light?” she asked, her voice light like a whisper on the wind.
I crossed to my bed and turned on the lamp. Its glow was muted, which was nice, and I watched the shadows that danced across her face.
She twirled a piece of hair between her fingers and I knew her well enough now to know that she was nervous. Hell, so was I. I’d never had sex with someone who I was in love with, and it mattered so much more on so many levels.