Aiden watched me curiously. “I saw Seth entering the main part of Deity Island and you weren’t with him. I figured you’d be here.”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “I just knew you’d be in one of the training rooms even though you were told to take it easy.”
Whenever he was dealing with something, he hit the mats. I was the same way, which reminded me of the night I’d accosted him after learning my mom’s true fate. I turned away, running my fingers down the center of the bag.
“How are you feeling—your ribs and lip?”
Both were sore, but I’d felt worse. “Good.”
“Have you written the letter for me to give to Laadan?” he asked after a few moments.
My shoulders slumped. “No. I don’t know what to say.” It’s not like I hadn’t thought about it, but what do you say to a man you’d believed dead—a father you’d never met?
“Just tell him how you feel, Alex.”
I laughed. “I don’t know if he wants to know all of that.”
“He would.” Aiden paused, and the silence stretched out between us. “You’ve seemed… out of it lately.”
I still felt out of it. “It’s the cold.”
“You looked like you were going to faint in Marcus’ office and, let’s face it, there is no reason why you couldn’t have taken Jackson down yesterday… or at least moved out of the way. You’ve been looking exhausted, Alex.”
Sighing, I faced him. He was slouched against the wall, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “So what are you doing here?” I asked, seeking to take the focus off me.
Aiden’s expression was knowing. “Watching you.”
Warmth fluttered in my chest. “Really? That’s not creepy or anything.”
A teeny tiny smile appeared. “Well, I’m on duty.”
I glanced around the room. “Do you think there’re daimons in here?”
“I’m not hunting right now.” A lock of wavy, dark brown hair fell into his gray eyes as he tipped his head to the side. “I’ve been given a new assignment.”
“Do tell.”
“Along with my hunting, I’m guarding you.”
I blinked and then I laughed so hard my ribs hurt. “Gods, it must suck to be you.”
His brows furrowed. “Why would you think that?”
“You just can’t get rid of me, can you?” I turned back to the bag, eyeing it for a weak spot. “I mean, not that you want to, but you keep getting saddled with me.”
“I don’t consider it being saddledwith you. Why would you think that?”
I closed my eyes, wondering why I’d even said that. “So, Linard also has a new assignment?”
“Yes. You didn’t answer my question.”
And I wasn’t going to. “Did Marcus ask you to do this?”
“Yes, he did. When you’re not with Seth, it will either be Linard, Leon, or myself keeping watch. There’s a good chance that whoever meant you harm—”
“Minister Telly,” I added, balling up my fist.
“Whoevermeant you harm in the Catskills will try something here. Then there are the furies.”
I punched the bag, immediately wincing as it pulled the sore muscles over my ribs. Should’ve wrapped them first. Stupid. “You guys can’t fight the furies.”
“If they show up, we will try.”
Shaking my hand, I took a step back. “You’ll die trying. Those things—well, you saw what they are capable of. If they come just step out of the way.”
“What?” Disbelief colored his tone.
“I don’t want to see people die for no reason.”
“Die for no reason?”
“You know they’ll just keep coming back, and I don’t want someone to die when it all seems… inevitable.”
The breath that he sucked in was sharp, audible in the small room. “Are you saying you believe your death is inevitable, Alex?”
I pushed the punching bag again. “I don’t know what I’m saying. Just forget it.”
“Something… something is different about you.”
A desire to flee the room filled me, but I faced him instead. I glanced down at my palms. The marks were still there. Why did I keep checking on them like they’d go away or something? “So much has happened, Aiden. I’m not the same person.”
“You were the same person the day you found out about your father,” he said, eyes turning the color of a thundercloud.
Anger began low in my stomach, humming through my veins. “That has nothing to do with this.”
Aiden pushed off the wall, hands coming out of his pockets. “What is this?”
“Everything!” My fingers dug into my palms. “What’s the point in all of this? Let’s just think hypothetically here for a second, okay? Say Telly or whoever doesn’t manage to send me into servitude or kill me and the furies don’t end up tearing me apart, I’m still going to turn eighteen. I’m still going to Awaken. So what’s the point? Maybe I should leave.” I stalked to where I’d dropped my bag. “Maybe Lucian will let me go to Ireland or something. I’d like to visit there before I be—”
Aiden grabbed my upper arm, turning me so that I faced him. “You said you had to stay at the Covenant so you could graduate, because you needed to be a Sentinel more than anyone else in the room.” His voice dropped low as his eyes searched mine intently. “You were passionate about this. Has that changed?”
I yanked on my arm, but he held on. “Maybe.”
The tips of Aiden’s cheekbones flushed. “So you’re giving up?”
“I don’t think it’s giving up. Call it… accepting reality.” I smiled, but it felt icky.
“That is such bull, Alex.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I’d argued to stay at the Covenant so I could become a Sentinel. And I knew, deep down, I still wanted to become one for my mom, for me, but I wasn’t sure it was what I needed anymore. Or what I could agree with if I was honest with myself. After seeing those servants slaughtered on the floor and no one cared… no one came to help them.
I wasn’t sure I could be a part of any of this.
“You’ve never been one to wallow in self-pity when the odds are stacked against you.”
My jaw snapped. “I’m not wallowing in self-pity, Aiden.”
“Really?” he said so softly. “Just like you aren’t settling for Seth?”
Oh, good gods, not what I wanted to hear. “I’m not settling.” Liar, whispered an evil voice in my head. “I don’t want to talk about Seth.”
He looked away for a second and then settled on me again. “I cannot believe you’ve forgiven him for what… for what he did to you.”
“That wasn’t his fault, Aiden. Seth didn’t give me the brew. He didn’t force—”
“He still knew better!”
“I’m not talking to you about this.” I started to back away.
The hand beside him clenched. “So you are still… with him?”
Part of me wondered what had happened to the Aiden who held me in his arms when I’d told him about my father. That version had been easier to deal with. Then again, obviously I wasn’t behaving like the person I was before either. And a part of me liked the way he said “him”—as if the very name made him want to punch something. “Define ‘with,’ Aiden.”
He stared.
I tipped my head up. “Do you mean am I hanging out with him or are we just friends? Or did you mean to ask if we’re sleeping together?”