My entire past makes me uncomfortable. “What do you want to know?” I ask, already moving away from him toward the chair.
“What did your father do for a living?”
I cock my head to the left. That’s not the question I expected. “My father, well, he was a humanitarian. An extremely wealthy one, but you’d never know it. He cared deeply about people, including the sinners. He thought the system was unjust and was fairly vocal about it. While he had some wonderful supporters, he also had a boatload of enemies. He never discussed his actual line of work with me, and I was too young and naive to think much about it,” I say. “Why do you care about my father?”
“I’m trying to put all the pieces together,” he says. He shrugs as he pulls off his shirt and throws on a black T-shirt. He begins making something for dinner, and the smells are intoxicating. My stomach rumbles.
“Are you hungry?” he asks as he puts something on the plates.
“Yes, actually I’m starved.” That’s something I haven’t said in a while.
He sets the table and motions for me to sit down. He sits, bows his head, and says grace. It puzzles me.
“Where’d you learn that?”
“My mother taught me when I was young. I always give thanks for what I have because the next minute it can be gone.”
“Makes sense. She must’ve been a good mom.” I pause while chewing and look at him.
“She was.” His eyes never leave his plate.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“No, but didn’t you say you had a brother?” he asks, changing the subject.
The steak and potatoes with cheese rock my world. “Is this a special occasion or something because I haven’t eaten like this in ages…?”
He shrugs and raises his eyebrows while shoveling in another bite.
I take my sweet time answering his question because I’m too busy stuffing my face. Zeus props his head on my shoulder, so I cut off a piece of steak and sneak it to him when Cole looks down at his food.
“Your brother?”
“Oh, Keegan. He left shortly after my mother remarried. As kids, we were extremely close, but one day, he was gone. I haven’t heard from him since.”
Evening brings darkness so Cole flicks on the light. He leans back with his arms behind his head, fully relaxed. It’s wild to have a normal conversation. We should’ve started this way, getting to know each other, but instead, we do everything backward.
“Your face is beautiful—”
“What?”
“Has healed beautifully. Geez, I can’t even finish a sentence.” He slides a sideways grin at me, his eyes sparkling in mischief.
I’m not sure if he’s teasing me or not, but his comment makes me blush, and I refuse to look up from my plate.
“Well, that’s good to know. I haven’t checked, too afraid to see my reflection,” I mumble, placing the last bite into my mouth. It’s so uncomfortable to eat while he stares. “This definitely hit the spot. Thank you.”
I put my fork on my plate and sit back for a minute, soaking in his face. He’s not smiling anymore like I thought he would be. Instead, he looks pained. His eyes are distant, his lips pursed, as if seeing a mirage in the desert.
“Something wrong?” A familiar feeling grips me. It’s fear. It consumes me at times, creeps up my throat, and constricts my airway. “Cole…”
He snaps to attention. “I have to tell you something.” He looks everywhere but at me, avoiding my stare.
The walls start collapsing. I have to remind myself to breathe. Inhale. Exhale. “What? Tell me.”
“I got orders yesterday. I leave tomorrow.” My stomach drops. I’m about to interrupt when he lifts his hand to stop me. “Don’t worry. Bruno will be with you while I’m gone. The important part’s coming.” He pulls a crinkled piece of paper out of his pocket. Despite the folds, I see a stamp embedded into it and a photograph. He slides it across the table.
I crinkle my forehead, confused. On the paper is a written order to hunt down Keegan Hamilton—my brother. The photograph is black and white, but it’s definitely him. He looks older, more mature, and filled out.
“What are you telling me?”
“He’s gotten into some trouble with the commander. I don’t know exactly what he did, but it’s bad. Real bad. Do you know anything about this?” Cole leans forward, pulling the order back.
I’m shocked. “No, no. I know nothing. I haven’t seen him since he left us. Please don’t bring him here. Cole, you can’t bring him to this terrible place.”
Cole drops the hand with the orders in it and looks me in the eyes. “Lexi, he’s already here.” I can hear the conflict in his voice, like he didn’t want to break this news to me.
“How can he possibly be here?” I start to panic. Keegan’s been here all along? The weight of the situation dawns on me like an anvil attached to my beating heart. “I don’t care what’s he’s done. He’s still my brother! Where is he? I have to see him.” I’m shaking with anger and disbelief. “Does he know I’m here? Why didn’t he come see me?” I stand up, nearly pushing the table over. A million thoughts trample through my brain.
He shrugs his shoulders. “I have no idea if he’s aware you’re here.” He stands and takes a step toward me. “I don’t know what to do.”
“What are you saying?”
Cole’s calm voice can’t conceal the panic within his eyes. “We’ve been ordered to take him to the commander.”
I step back. Searing emotional pain darts from my throat to my chest and into my soul. Everything blurs. I put my hand against the wall to hold myself up.
“Don’t you dare, I’ll hate you—I’ll never forgive you if you hurt him.” My insides scream as his eyes plead with me to give him a solution.
“Then please tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do because I don’t know. I have orders that I have to follow. If I follow them, I’ll lose you. If I don’t, I’ll be executed and then you’ll lose me. Either way, I’m screwed and so are you. Damn it, you’ve complicated everything.” His voice is anguished.
“How can you say that?”
He collapses into the chair. “I never planned on falling for you. You were just an assignment. But it just sort of happened and now look where I am. Stuck between two walls that won’t budge either way. I’m trapped by you and my obligations as a guard.”
“Wait a minute. When you say you’ve fallen for me, do you mean—”
“You’re all I think about. My mind is constantly consumed by you and it scares the crap out of me.”
“No! No, you can’t! It’s forbidden. They’ll kill you!”
“Don’t you think I know that? I didn’t choose this. I didn’t mean for this to happen—it just did.” He blows out a hard breath and seems to steady himself before continuing. “Everything about you sucks me in. No matter how hard I try to hate you or be disgusted, the opposite happens. You’re like my magnet. You pull me in, but when I get too close, it takes everything I have to remain at a safe distance.”
“You can’t. It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other. Nothing can happen. Ever!”