Bruno shows up to do some more training before work, and I go through with it, but I’m lifeless and possess no fire.
“I think it’s time we call it quits,” he says while unwrapping his hands. “Are you okay?”
I don’t feel like answering. I pick myself off the floor and grumble while heading to the bathroom to shower. I barely have the strength to stand there and let the water wash over me. Nothing brings me joy, pleasure, or even a hint of reprieve. All I can think about is our argument and his words—his words that stung like flaming darts aimed directly at my heart. I can only imagine what he’ll think when he reads my letter, if he reads it at all.
I step out of the shower, towel off, and put on the same beat-up pair of scrubs. They smell of body odor and sweat. But there’s no reason to be self-conscious now that he’s gone. And to make matters worse, I might lose my brother before I even get to see him again.
Just as I slide my feet into my tattered slippers, the siren blares like an evil witch waiting to ambush me. The thought of going back to work makes me want to hurl.
Bruno bursts into my room, panting and shoving his guns into his holsters. “We’ve gotta run. Now!” He slides his key and opens my door into the hallway.
After a moment of confusion, I follow him.
“There’s no time to explain… I’ve been called out and the building’s being evacuated.”
As if proving his point, a group of people push past me, shoving me into the cement wall. Bruno wraps his thick hand around my bicep and drags me along behind him. My feet barely touch the floor as he rips me through the crowd, weaving this way and that. When we reach the last floor, I feel the building shudder violently.
“Another car bombing,” someone says while holding their shirt over their mouth.
“Outta my way,” another replies.
They spill into the courtyard, coughing and covering their mouths. A layer of dirt and dust covers everything, almost like a snowy day, except more gruesome. That’s when I see the bodies lying in the street. The dark-red blood streams like ribbons through the grayness.
Another blast sends people ducking for cover. The mass sways to its knees in search of anything or anyone to hide under. Silence. Another layer of blown particles gives us a mummy-like appearance. Gray hair, gray skin, gray clothing, and the constant hacking up of whatever we’ve just ingested. I cover my ears and then my eyes and then realize I lost Bruno.
The sound of heavy machinery grinding down the street brings me to my senses. The clanking of heavy metal stops across from the courtyard. I search for Bruno, shoving through the shocked crowd, but I only see dusty silhouettes of tanks and guards.
“Watch it. What’s your problem?” A man spits at me.
“I’m sorry,” I say as I push people aside. But still no Bruno.
Panic climbs up my throat. I can’t breathe and don’t know where to turn. The people push to escape the confines of the courtyard and suddenly it becomes suffocating. I’m shoved against the chain-link fence and squeezed. The rusty metal embeds in my cheek as I turn my head sideways, scraping my face. The screams of compacted people reach my ears, but I fight for my own survival. I’m going to die if I don’t move.
Feeling desperate, I pull myself up and begin to climb. The fence jerks toward the street as the crowd forces its way. My hands hurt from clinging to it and I pray it doesn’t give out. A deep voice penetrates my ears and immediately I know it’s Bruno.
“Lexi!” he shouts.
“I’m here…” I cough uncontrollably from the particles in the air. “Help me!” I can’t see him, but I hope he hears me.
“Don’t let go!” he commands. “I’ll get you!”
His strong voice steels my nerves, and I clench my hands tighter around the links, determined to hang on. My toes begin to ache from being cramped in their footholds, but I still cling to hope. Cole’s face hangs in my mind—handsome, defined, and fiery. I’m determined to survive… for myself and for him.
Minutes feel like hours before the guards calm the people enough to organize an exit. As they disperse, I start to slide down. My fingers feel stiff and ache. My muscles burn with slow fire as I meet the hard, cement pavement.
“However are you surviving with Cole being gone?” A sharp, high-pitched voice shakes me from my stupor.
I look up and meet the sadistic eyes of the head guard, Wilson. Instant fear seizes me as he pulls me closer to him. He smiles, smelling of tobacco and cologne.
“I was a little concerned. Haven’t seen you around lately,” he says. “Guess if I was in your shoes I’d try to stay under the radar as well.” He kicks the dirt. “Rumor has it your brother’s been found. But again, it’s just a rumor, so I guess we shall all wait and see what Cole brings home.”
I remain silent—part preservation but mostly terror.
He backs away, still smiling, and motions for Bruno. “You should really keep a closer eye on this one—I don’t like her.”
Bruno salutes and replies, “Yes, sir.”
“Carry on.” Wilson steps aside, waving us off, and instructs the others to block off the street.
My feet feel stuck in the cement as the sudden urge to cry washes over me. I bite my lip as Bruno pulls me away with a stoic face. My heartbeat echoes in my ears. We step over broken bodies, yet all I hear is thump-thump, thump-thump.
Bruno leads me in silence as we witness the full impact of the destruction. More tanks roll in and hoards of guards pop out, eager to investigate. They line suspects up against the wall of the building across the street with their hands behind their heads. A guard holds a pistol up behind them and pulls the trigger.
The harsh exhale of the gun makes me jump. I fall on my hands and knees, feeling dizzy as the thumping in my head grows louder.
“Get up,” Bruno says.
“I’m trying.” I sound unconvincing, even to myself.
“Get up! Before they make you the next target.” He picks me up and puts me on my feet, wary of others watching. “Just move, even if it’s slow.”
So we plod along to the hospital. The pent-up tears finally drop down my face, racing through the grime. The fear of suffocation consumes me as well as Wilson’s words. He knows my brother’s here and Cole’s hunting him down. I clench my teeth in anger and refusal to break, although my world shrinks by the minute.
Once inside the hospital, I attempt to clean my face in the bathroom. It smells like urine and feces mixed with other bodily fluids. My feet make a sucking sound as they lift. But nothing compares to what I see in the broken shards of the mirror—the turquoise of my eyes amidst the wreckage of everything else. Again, I’m reminded of my father and I hear his voice telling me, “Be strong, Lexi. You can overcome anything short of death.” His words bring me strength, and I resolve to hold it together.
Day Two of Cole’s Absence. Nothing makes me loathe work more than seeing Amber’s sly smile when Bruno drops me off and picks me up. I try to ignore the stares, but it’s pointless. They’re all speculating about my absence, about Cole, and the reason I’m miserable. Being here brings back so many memories of Cole, Alyssa, and the assault that it’s like a slow death of the soul. My body works while my mind wanders. My arms function, but my heart roams wherever Cole does. I imagine him strapped down with equipment, sweating in his uniform while tracking my brother. Could he really pull the trigger, knowing he’d destroy me in the process? My stomach does flips, so I run to the bathroom and heave.
“Everything all right?” Sutton says.
“Sure,” I say out of habit. It’s fairly obvious that I’m not okay since I’m puking.