“I miss you more, but our feelings for each other are exactly why Keegan doesn’t want us fighting together.”
“I’m still going to protect you.” He shifts his weight, dropping my hand, unsure of himself. “I’m still going to worry about you.”
“No! You need to worry about keeping yourself alive. I can take care of myself now. If only you could see how good I’ve become, you’d see I don’t need your protection anymore.” My soul screams for him, longing to touch him back and desiring to rewind time. “I hope you know I never thought he’d force you to leave…” I stumble over my own words and he stops me.
“No, don’t you dare blame yourself.”
My insides crumble and I have to swallow my desire to jump into his arms. He still loves me. Instead, I kneel down and put my arms around Zeus, who promptly licks me from my chin up to my nose.
“Eww, Zeus!” I laugh out loud, breaking the physical tension between Cole and me for a quick moment.
“You look hot, by the way. Not that you weren’t hot before—you definitely were—it’s just now you’re filled out and your muscles are so damn sexy,” Cole says. He kneels down, patting Zeus’s head too. His hands make their way to mine until we’re both kneeling, gazing into each other’s faces and wishing for privacy. Why does this have to be so hard?
Someone clears his throat, forcing me back to reality. Then I notice people are outright staring at us as we hold hands.
I stand up stiffly, pulling my hands away, and shake my head. “We can’t do this. If Keegan sees us, he’ll never let you come back.”
“Last time I checked, Sutton’s in charge—not him.” Cole steps closer. “If I want to kiss my girlfriend, hug my girlfriend, I will and there isn’t a damn thing he can do about it.”
“Please don’t make a scene. Things are already hard enough.”
“Babe—”
I can’t handle his pleading. I dart out so fast that I can’t remember which door I entered. I wish I could turn around and look at him one last time, but talking to him was enough torture for one day. I won’t choose between him and my brother.
I push through people and find the lists in the hallway. Scanning the paper, I see my name under Keegan’s, as expected. I check and find Cole’s name under Sutton.
This is killing me. I bang my forehead on the wall in frustration and leave. I rush back to my room and climb into my bed as the dam breaks and my tears flow freely.
This is all moving at a pace so fast I can’t keep up. I feel weak, even though I’m strong. I feel incapable, even though I can do it. I know I’m doing the right thing for so many reasons. It’s not just about Cole. It’s for my father, Alyssa, and so many others I’ve seen die grisly deaths in the last few months. Now, more than ever, I want the commander to pay for all I’ve lost. And mostly, I want to fight for those people like me, who were branded sinners when innocent. Whatever the cost, I’ll fight. This is as ready as I’ll ever be.
CHAPTER 20
Air rushes from my lungs as his fist slams into my stomach. I double over and take a jarring knee to my forehead. Swirling flashes of white pierce my vision as I fall backward, covering my head to avoid the inevitable onslaught of punches.
“All right! Enough for now.” Keegan’s voice sounds satisfied.
My opponent, a stocky young man in his twenties, reaches down to me. I’m holding my head with one hand while he pulls me up with the other. I just got my rear end handed to me for the first time in a while. I didn’t even stand a chance.
“No worries, he won’t kill you. But he’s the best fighter we have and therefore the best practice for you,” Keegan says as he pats my adversary on the back. “This is Sheldon.”
I nod my head and smile weakly. “Nice to meet you, I think,” I say.
He smiles in return. He has a wide gap between his two front teeth and a large bruise covers his cheekbone.
Keegan stands with his arm wrapped around Sheldon’s back. They look like two tough characters with their shaved heads, tattooed arms, and bulky muscles.
“I’m assuming you’ve all met each other by now. If not, do so. As you know, I’m the leader of this group. I expect you to do everything as a team. We’ll train together, eat together, and yes, even sleep together. We must become one,” Keegan says.
All thirty of us, including me, stand at attention while he speaks, and we all nod in agreement.
“We’ll continue weapons training, but our concentration will be mostly close-quarters combat. We get to do all the fun stuff. Every group has an objective and ours will be to penetrate the commander’s main residence.”
I struggle to maintain composure during this announcement. Fear creeps up my throat and tightens like a vice around my vocal chords. I survey the group of people around me. I don’t know anyone’s names, other than Keegan and Sheldon, although we’ve all fought each other in rotation, but all of them look physically ready.
“As you already know, Sheldon’s the best combat trainer here, and trust me, you’ll hate him when he’s finished with you. But remember, it’s his job to put you through hell—to make you the best fighter you can be. I also want to take this opportunity to introduce you to Isaac, our bomb specialist. We’ll be fighting in close quarters for the majority of the time, but we’ll still need his expertise to conquer some aspects of the residence. We’ll go over all of this after dinner. In the meantime, pack up your crap and move it to wing C of the compound. You’ll all bunk together during this part of training.”
Keegan dismisses us, and I walk back to my room to begin packing. I don’t own much—some clothing, my ring, Alyssa’s book, and Zeus. And Zeus isn’t really mine; he just showed up in my room late last night and comforted me while I cried. Which made me cry even more.
I hate losing my privacy and losing my only outlet—painting. I only have one wall left, but it seems like such a waste. All that hard work for nothing.
“What’s wrong with you? I can hear things being thrown in your room from down the hall. What are you so angry about?” I spin around, and Keegan stands in my room.
“I keep moving from one place to another. I never get to settle in, and I feel like my mind is going to explode. It’s just my nerves freaking out… I’ll be okay,” I say. I throw the last few shirts I own into a worn duffel bag and carefully place Alyssa’s book on top.
“Well, maybe this will help. I brought you something.”
I look up again, and he’s holding an envelope.
“What’s that?” I take it into my hands, running my finger along the seam to tear it open. Then I pull out a letter that looks like it was written a long time ago and my eyes begin misting over.
Dear Lexi,
My daughter. My heart. By now, you’ve probably figured out what happened to me. I apologize for keeping it hidden from you, but I hoped that in doing so, I’d protect you against those with evil intentions. If there were any other way, I would’ve moved heaven and earth to do it for you.
There are so many things I want to tell you about life, but I know you’re an intelligent, brave, and compassionate young lady who will always find her way. I hope that you love deeply, as I have loved your mother. I hope that you strive for justice and integrity in everything you do. I hope you know that I always, ALWAYS loved you, regardless of the path I chose for myself.
Be strong for the times ahead. Stand up for those who cannot. And remember, you can overcome anything short of death.