“I asked her to marry me. She refused. Damn it, Rachel, what more could I do?”
“You could have left her alone!” Rachel had actually screamed at him. “I trusted you!”
“What do you want from me, Rachel? It happened. You think I didn’t regret it when I found she was a virgin? But it was too late to stop.”
“You didn’t want to stop!”
Their voices lowered after that, and Jessie didn’t hear any more until the final slam of the door when Chase left the house. She was curious about his attempt at being noble. They both knew that she was the one who hadn’t let them stop. Yet he let Rachel think he was wholly to blame. Stupid. What was he trying to prove?
Jessie thought a lot about that in the weeks that followed. She couldn’t help but think about it. Rachel reminded her of it constantly with her woebegone, pitying expressions. It was absurd. The woman acted as if the most heinous of crimes had been committed. How could she be such a hypocrite, whore that she was? The loss of virginity had not mattered to Jessie, but Rachel acted as if she’d been raped.
Rachel didn’t speak Chase’s name again, either. It was as if Jessie were suddenly breakable, as if the slightest wrong word would shatter her. Utterly ridiculous.
Rachel’s behavior was irritating in another way, too. Her sympathy was not only unwelcome, it also made it impossible for Jessie to forget about Chase Summers, which she dearly wanted to do.
Both mother and daughter despised him now, but for different reasons. For his ill treatment of her, for his getting in the last lick but good before riding out of her life, Jessie would never forgive him. But she would never see him again, never have a chance to even the score. It infuriated her beyond measure.
It was a blessing when Jessie got sick in the middle of October, for the illness served to take her mind off everything but herself. The first few days she was ill, she figured it would run its course quickly. She was annoyed to be sick at all. But when it didn’t pass quickly, she began to worry. She managed to keep her illness from everyone, although that was difficult. She didn’t want anyone fussing over her, especially Rachel. She’d hardly been sick a day in her life, and she wasn’t used to it. After a week, she decided it was time to see a doctor, but she wasn’t feeling up to a long ride on Blackstar. She came up with an excuse for using the buggy simply by breaking the heel on her riding boots.
Jessie hadn’t counted on Billy wanting to come along, but she didn’t refuse him. It was easy to shake him once they got to town, for he was only too willing to go and register them at the hotel for the night. As soon as he was out of sight, she headed for Doc Meddly’s office.
Whether he was a real doctor, a horse doctor, or just a man who knew a little about doctoring, she didn’t know. But Cheyenne was lucky to have any medical help at all. Many western towns didn’t. And he seemed to understand his business, asking the right questions, concentrating like he knew what he was doing. The trouble was, he wouldn’t stop frowning when she finished explaining. She was getting awfully nervous.
“Well, what is it?” she demanded. “Is it contagious? Am I dying?”
The man was clearly flustered. “Fact is, Miss Jessie, I got no idea what’s ailing you. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were pregnant. But you being an unattached youngun, I have to scratch that. But nothing else fits. You get gut-sick only in the mornings, and you’re fine the rest of the time.”
Jessie didn’t hear a thing he said... beyond the word pregnant “But it’s too soon... I mean, it’s only been three... no, four weeks since—damn!”
After the stammered confession, Doc Meddly cleared his throat uncomfortably and set about rearranging the papers on his desk, avoiding Jessie’s eyes. “Yes, well, it don’t take long at all to figure if you’ve conceived... ah, that is, if you’ve been with a man... ah, shoot, Miss Jessie. I ain’t use to discussing this. The women round here don’t come to me for such a delicate matter. They see to each other.”
“Then you really think I’m pregnant?”
“If you were married, Miss Jessie, I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.”
“Well, I’m not married!” Jessie said sharply. “And I’d rather think I was dying!”
Outside the doctor’s office, Jessie stopped and leaned back against the door, desperate to get her thoughts together without letting rage interfere. But there was too much to think about. A baby!
Jessie got to the hotel without even being aware of having crossed town. Billy was waiting for her, and he followed her to her room, perplexed. He’d never seen her so preoccupied. “Is something wrong, Jessie?”
“What could be wrong?” She laughed in a high-pitched voice, on the too-soft bed in the bleak room. She groaned and put her hands to her temples, as if warding off pain.
Billy frowned. “I... I thought maybe you heard about Chase Summers, that you were upset because he’s still here.”
Jessie sat up very slowly. “Here? What do you mean?”
“He’s still in town. He didn’t leave like we thought. He’s staying here in the hotel, in fact.”
“You saw him?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know?” she snapped.
“Two men told me.” He shrugged. “They said they saw you and me come into town. They said they knew Chase worked for you, and if you were looking for him, you could find him over at the saloon. I suppose they were just being obliging, Jessie.”
She jumped off the bed. “It’s been three weeks since he left the ranch. He’s got no business still being here.”
“Are you going to see him?”
“No!”
Billy took a few steps away from her. “Are you sure you’re all right, Jessie?”
“No... yes... oh, I’ve just got a splitting headache that’s going to have me climbing the walls soon if it doesn’t go away. I need some quiet. Why don’t you go on down and get yourself some supper, then go to bed?” Then she added, giving a thought to him at last, “Will you be all right alone?”
He drew himself up, insulted. “Sure. But you need to eat, too.”
“No, I don’t, not tonight. I think I’ll just go to bed now, to sleep this headache off. I’ll wake you in the morning when it’s time to leave.”
“What about your boots?”
“I’ll get them before we leave. And, Billy, if you happen to see Chase, try not to let him see you, okay? I’d rather he didn’t know we were here.”
“You sure don’t like him, do you, Jessie?”
“What’s to like about an arrogant, pigheaded—” She caught herself before she lost control. “No, I don’t like him.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Why?” Jessie asked incredulously.
“It’s just... you and him could have... oh, never mind. I’ll see you in the morning, Jessie.”
“Wait a minute—” But Billy had already closed the door.
Chapter 25
CHASE had become quite fond of the bottle and its magic cures. He had even gone on a binge for an entire week when he first got to town. But after he sobered up, he got down to the business of making money—money that would get him to Spain. It was time. Spain was so far away. He needed the distance. In Spain, he wouldn’t be tempted to come back to this area.
It was difficult staying there in the meantime, though, and that was why the bottle was never far from his reach. The point was, he kept telling himself, the railroad came through Cheyenne, and there were many saloons for a gambler’s needs. It just didn’t make sense to go on to Denver or back to Kansas to catch the train east, not when he could do that from where he was.