“You are lying, aren’t you, Andy?”
“No, I’m not lying. I can’t help you any more. I am trying to help but I just don’t know anything.”
I was doing the pleading bit now, because I was flapping good style. I was trying to think of a reason why they should have told me this.
More slaps and I went down. They picked me up and took off the handcuffs. Before I had time to wonder why, they started to strip me. I had sudden visions of them cutting my cock off.
They ripped my shirt off and pulled down my trousers. This is it, I thought: this is where they fuck me.
But they pushed me down on to the chair and held my head forward. I took a deep breath and waited.
It must have been a piece of four-by-two or the end foot or so of an oar. Whoomph! The shock of it hitting me-whoomph! ivhoomph!-I screamed out like an idiot. They worked their way all over my back and head with it. I must have been unconscious before I hit the floor. ‘
I came to, groaning and mumbling, and they hoisted me up and put me back on the chair.
“You will tell us everything, Andy. We want it from you. We know what has happened. We have your signals operator. He’s told us he’s your signals operator.”
That had to have come from Legs. He was the signals operator. Was he in hospital?
I denied, denied, denied.
They punched and slapped, smashed the paddle in a frenzy on my back. Then they stopped for five minutes, as if they were resting, getting their strength back.
“Why are you doing this to yourself, Andy? Just tell us what we need to know.”
They started up again.
I got my first hit with what felt like a metallic ball on the end of a stick, like some sort of medieval mace. It thumped into my neck and arms and kidneys with terrible precision. I went down again, screaming my head off. This was way out of control. This was when I was going to die.
As I hit the floor, the lads behind me started to give me a kicking. I screamed again and again.
The Voice screamed back at me. “You’re lying! You will tell us!”
It went on and on, I didn’t know for how long. They’d kick, get me back up, slap me around the face, whack me with the metal ball and wooden paddle. I could hear them breathing hard with the exertion of it all.
The Voice would shout at me, and I would shout back.
“Fucking hell,” I bawled, “I don’t know, I don’t know anything for fuck’s sake!”
He gob bed off at the boys in Arabic, and they started up again with another kicking.
I went down time and again.
Pain upon pain.
It hurt, it really hurt.
They stopped kicking and lifted me up. I was dragged out of the room, my chest bare and my trousers still round my ankles. As soon as we got out into the courtyard, there was the reception committee. I was kicked and punched all the way down. I got one kick up the arse, and I really thought they’d split my rectum. I thought my insides were falling out. I went straight down, howling like a pig.
They threw me into the cell, blindfolded, handcuffed, and naked, and left me. My breathing was very shallow. When I had recovered sufficiently to sit up, I checked myself for broken bones. I clung to the memory of the lecture by the Marine aviator. The Viet Cong had broken every major bone in his body during the course of his six years in jail. In comparison, I was having a picnic.
“I was told the bigger and harder you were the quicker they would leave you alone. This I soon discovered was untrue. They can do whatever they want with you. The only thing they cannot break is your mental state. Only you can let that collapse. My head stayed clear, and every day it said to me: “Fuck ‘em.” That’s what kept’ me alive.”
My body was in far better condition than his had been, and my mind was definitely clear. So then-fuck ‘em.
It was dark. I had been lying there for ages. I hadn’t noticed the cold at first: the pain had blocked out such trifles. Now I was starting to shiver. I thought, if this carries on for many more days, I’ve had it-I’m going to get well and truly done in here.
I could hear screaming and shouting in the other rooms, but I wasn’t taking much notice of it because I was too involved in my own little world, my own little universe of pain and bruises and broken teeth.
The others would be getting the same as me, but it was a world away. It was in the distance, it did not concern me. All I did was wait for my turn again.
From then, and for what must have been quite a few days, it just carried on. Hour after hour, day after day, beating after beating, taking my turn with the other two, lying curled up, cold and in pain, waiting for the terrifying noise of the door being kicked open, the worst sound I had ever heard.
“Andy, this is your last chance; tell us what we need to know.”
“I don’t know anything.”
I knew one thing. I knew the other two weren’t giving up because otherwise my interrogations would have stopped. I kept saying to myself, It’s not going to be me, I’m not going to let them down, I’m not going to be the one to put the others in the shit.
It was a haze. Two or three interrogations per twenty-four hours. Day after day. Always the same stuff. Always a little bit harder to bear.
Then they found new ways of hurting me. Twice they held me down on the seat, pushed my head down, while they flogged me with a whip with thick thongs. And when they had finished, the others joined in with the paddle and ball.
After one session I was sitting on the chair, still naked, my mind a blur of anguish. The Voice talked quietly and conspiratorially in my ear.
“Andy, we need to talk. You’re in very bad condition. You’re going to die very soon, but you’re still not helping us. I cannot understand it. We’ll get the information out of you, you know we will. One of you will tell us, there’s no big problems. Why make it harder on yourself? Look, do you want me to show you how bad we can be?”
There was a rubbing sore on the inside of my thigh about two inches in diameter. It was a weeping, seeping thing, red and raw. I heard the chinking of metal and the hiss of a paraffin heater being turned up. Hands gripped my shoulders and pinned me to the chair.
The back of the spoon was red-hot as he ran it over an dover the sore.
The stench of burning flesh made me gag. I howled like a dog.
Spoon. Scream. Spoon. Scream.
He rubbed it in small circles and little crisscross grids.
I jumped up, so violently that the blokes couldn’t hold me. I yelled and yelled in an effort to release the pain.
They got me back on to the chair.
“Do you see, Andy? It’s pointless. Just tell us what we want to know.”
Legs told them fuck all. They wouldn’t be doing all this just to get his information confirmed. And they hadn’t said what information Legs was supposed to have told them. It was a load of old bollocks. If he could hold out, so could I.
People came in and out of the cells all the time now. The sound track was just screaming and shouting and the horrific banging of the sheet metal doors.
The guards must have had a beasting roster. Teams came in every two hours or so, hollering and shouting and filling us in. We were still handcuffed and blindfolded.
“Stand up! Sit down!”
As you’re trying to do it, they’re punching and kicking. Sometimes I’d fall into a semiconscious state after just a few punches, sometimes I’d just be there, breathing heavily and taking it. Sometimes they’d come in with a length of hose, which hurt incredibly on my kidneys and back. My body was becoming even more of a mess, but the worst bit about it was hearing them in Stan’s or Dinger’s room. Not so much because I was concerned for them-there was nothing I could do to help, and they were big and ugly enough to take it-but because it meant that it was going to be my turn soon.