“My husband had a rare heart defect we didn’t know about. They only discovered it during his autopsy. He wasn’t with me when he died. I lied and said he was away for a business trip but it wasn’t the truth. Our sex life was almost nonexistent. He rarely touched me. I thought…” She sniffed. “I thought something was wrong with me. I tried so hard to figure out what I was doing wrong and be what he wanted sexually but it only made him angry when I tried. He’d yell at me and sleep on the couch.”
Brawn softly growled and his arm around her tightened. Becca didn’t turn to look at him, instead kept her gaze locked with Trisha’s.
“The police came to our condo to inform me Bradley had died in another woman’s apartment. They’d been having an affair for months and he kept her a few blocks away, rented the place as their love nest. He was into things—liked to wear leather and had his mistress whip him. He was into pain. When I got his personal items from the coroner that’s what I got in the bag. He was wearing a leather outfit when he suffered the rupture in his heart. She’d been spanking him when he died. I saw a shrink afterward. I was pretty confused and emotionally messed up. She told me that some men need to be dominated the way Bradley obviously did, that some men enjoy that kind of pain to get off and he knew I’d never be into that. It’s why he rarely touched me. It’s why…” Becca wiped her eyes. “No matter what I did, I could never have made him happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Trisha said softly. “The shrink was right. I’ve heard of this before. Some men marry one sort of woman but have a darker side they hide. It’s the deceit and the lies that flip their switch.”
Becca shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I just don’t want to make the same mistake twice and end up being that unhappy again. I just can’t take it.”
Trisha frowned. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Becca cleared her throat. “Can I talk to Trisha alone, Brawn?”
“No.” His hold on her tightened. “Tell me why you are crying and why you are crying over your dead husband. Do you still love him?”
“God no!” Becca immediately regretted her outburst. She locked her gaze on Trisha.
“Just talk to me and try to forget he’s here. He’s worried and he needs to know why you’re so upset.” Trisha’s voice softened as she glanced at Brawn. “You just be quiet and let her talk.”
Becca took a breath. “The first time I saw Brawn I thought…” She sniffed. “I thought he had the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. He was so hot. I was attracted to him instantly. I—” She suddenly laughed. “I thought he’d make a great stripper with that body and wished I could see him out of his clothes.”
Trisha grinned. “They do like to dance. You should have Brawn take you to the bar at the hotel.”
“Then he told me why he would never touch someone like me.”
Brawn tensed. “Becca—”
Trisha shot him a glare. “Shut up. Not a word. Let her talk. If you won’t leave than be quiet and stop interrupting.”
He softly growled but he didn’t speak. Brawn shifted on the bed, getting more comfortable. Becca realized he wasn’t going to leave.
“Keep going. Talk to me,” Trisha urged. “I want to hear this. Why wouldn’t he be with you?”
“He thinks we’re too frail. He likes not to restrain himself, to have rougher sex than our bodies can handle.”
Trisha didn’t look surprised. “They could easily hurt us. They sometimes use their teeth and they are very aggressive. It’s a valid fear, Becca. There are a lot of Species men who say they won’t touch human females because of that. They are afraid they’d…break them somehow. Tear them up inside. Snap a bone by accident. Some of them like to wrestle a bit with a female before sex. If my husband wrestled with me the way some of them do, I’d probably be in a body cast.” Trisha smiled to soften her words. “But Slade doesn’t hurt me. If you are afraid Brawn will hurt you I can understand that but you’ll both learn how to balance it out so no one gets hurt.”
“I’m not afraid of him hurting me.” Becca shook her head. “It’s Bradley all over again. Don’t you see that? Brawn needs things I can’t ever give him. He can’t be as rough as he wants and is always going to have to worry about hurting me. He’ll always have to stay in control when he doesn’t want to. He needs things sexually that he’ll never be able to get from me.”
Brawn softly cursed. “Becca, it’s all right. I don’t need that. I don’t want to be rough with you. I do worry about hurting you because I would rather hurt myself first.”
“The point is,” Becca continued, “I’m not what you really want. I can’t give you the things you need. I can’t take falling for you when I have done this before and I know how it ends.” Becca turned her head to stare into Brawn’s eyes.
“I—”
Becca cut him off. “You will grow to resent me. It was loud and clear when you never contacted me, Brawn. I got it. You had sex with me because we were trapped and we only had each other to lean on. You were honest the first time we met about your feelings about human women. We have nothing in common, we’re from two different worlds and you’re only here for the baby. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant I never would have seen you again. I’m not going to do this, Brawn. I’m not going to try a relationship that is doomed to fail. You’ll withdraw from me and you’ll cheat. I’ll grow to depend on you, love you and you’ll break my heart. You need to leave. That’s why I’m crying. That’s how you’re hurting me. I can’t survive that again.”
Brawn brushed at Becca’s fresh tears with his thumb. “Becca…”
“Don’t,” she sniffed. “Don’t even deny it. You can’t. You never called and you never even came to see me to get your things. There’s no way around that. I waited six weeks, hoping you’d call and say what happened between us meant something to you. I got my answer and there isn’t a thing you can say or do that is going to tell me otherwise. You’re a liar if you try. Now let me go. I’m hungry.” She tried to wiggle away from him. “Don’t touch me again, Brawn. We’ll become friends for the baby’s sake but don’t pull this claiming shit on me because I refuse to let you tear out my heart. Now move.”
“No. I wanted you. I was ordered not to contact you. I worried that seeing me would cause you pain. You went through a trauma and Species involved with humans only seem to draw danger. I thought about you all the time.”
“Let her go,” Trisha ordered. “We need to talk, Brawn. She needs to calm down a little before you tell her anything. Trust me.”
Brawn moved, letting Becca up. It was obvious from his expression that he didn’t want to. Becca climbed out of bed, wrapped the blanket around her body, and walked to the dresser to fetch a long nightshirt. She didn’t glance back as she left the bedroom.
She used the spare bedroom to change into the shirt, folded the blanket, and walked into the living room area and ordered dinner to be brought up to her. She knew they would hurry. She moved to the couch and collapsed. Trisha and Brawn remained in the bedroom.
“How do I make her stop crying?” Brawn was frustrated. “I never meant to hurt her. I did want her but everyone assured me it would be wrong. I was ordered not to contact her. I hoped she would contact me but she didn’t. How do I fix this?”
Trisha glanced at the tall Species who climbed out of bed and paced. “You hurt her feelings, Brawn. When you met her she was interested in you and you made it clear you’d never want a human. You were kidnapped, you grew really close during the ordeal and she had hopes that you’d changed your mind about wanting her. When you didn’t call her or see her again she was obviously hurt by that because she felt something for you. I know you were ordered to stay away and why. She still got hurt and that’s the bottom line. She’s certain that you didn’t feel anything for her until you found out about the baby.”