But she said none of that. Because it didn’t really matter.
She’d done it because she loved them, because it was the only thing to do.
Darryl hadn’t been the right guy for her anyway. At the time it had hurt like hell, but that now seemed like nothing. Now…a violent rush of pain thinking about Jason almost had her doubling over. Dense silence filled the kitchen while she struggled for control, swallowing through a tight throat so she could speak. She turned away from Jasmine and blinked her stinging eyes. She couldn’t blame her brother and sister for what had happened with Jason, much as she wanted to feel the victim, the martyr at that moment. That was a whole other issue.
No, Darryl hadn’t been the right man for her. She’d been devastated when he’d made her choose, telling her she was boring and had no time for him, but she knew now, after what she’d felt for Jason, that she would never have ended up with Darryl anyway. Her feelings for him had been like flat water compared to her bright and sparkling champagne feelings for Jason.
Jase. Oh Jase. It so wasn’t fair this happened to her again, only this time….
“Remi. Are you okay?” Jasmine’s voice behind her sounded hesitant, confused.
“I’m okay.” She swiped at her wet cheeks. She certainly didn’t want to talk about Jason. “It’s no big deal.” She forced a smile and turned around. She’d done those things for her brother and sister because she loved them, not because she expected anything in return. They were fighting about stuff that really didn’t matter.
And Jasmine was right. Painfully, eye-openingly right. The house was just a place to live. What she was really struggling with was the fact that Kyle and Jasmine didn’t need her like they used to. Her chest ached with the realization, but she had to face the fact that they were adults. Like Jason had pointed out. God, he’d been right too. They were adults and she needed to let go.
“So, looking for a house will be exciting for you and Ethan,” Remi said, her smile tight. “Where are you looking?”
They chatted for a few minutes about neighborhoods and prices.
“I’d better go,” Jasmine eventually said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sure. Bye.”
Remi poured herself cup of coffee and sat down at the table. She stared blankly at the dark, steaming liquid.
They didn’t need her anymore. It hurt, but she had to face reality. That was what happened when kids grew up. That was the goal of parenthood—to rear adults who were independent and strong. She remembered Jason asking her if she’d ever thought she was enabling them by being there for them every time something went wrong. She’d thought she was doing the right thing, because she loved them and being there for them after their parents had died was the most important thing in the world to her. But maybe she’d needed to be needed more than they needed her. If that made any sense at all.
So Jasmine might get a reality check when she and Ethan bought their house and moved in together, but that was life. Kyle might get a shock too when he didn’t have anywhere to go between terms, but he’d have to figure it out. They were both adults and needed to make their own decisions and take responsibility for their lives.
And she had to take responsibility for her own life too. Yeah, being on her own had been a rude shock and selling the house and moving into an apartment all her own wasn’t going to be easy. But it was her life and she needed to make the best of it. A place all her own could be exciting. And maybe instead of lonely she’d feel free. She’d probably still worry about Kyle and Jasmine, but maybe being without all that responsibility would be liberating. She’d only have herself to look after, and when it came right down to it, looking after herself was really the most important thing she could do. At one time she might have thought that was selfish, but now…she felt a need to do this, do find out who she really was, to be her own person.
Now Jason was the one being saddled with a huge responsibility that he hadn’t asked for. Huh. She could almost laugh at that, except…it really wasn’t funny.
She understood responsibility and she got why Jason had to step up. She wouldn’t love him as much if he had done anything else, if he had tried to ignore the baby, pretend it wasn’t his, deny his duty. He would never do that. Because it was his child and he was doing the same thing she had—anything he had to for that child. For love.
Her heart squeezed painfully and she took in a shaky breath, just on the edge of crying again. God, she was such a crybaby lately.
But how much should Jason sacrifice for the sake of his child?
Would Remi have sacrificed her relationship with Darryl if she’d truly loved him? She couldn’t imagine that, because she knew now she hadn’t loved him, heart, mind, soul and body. So she’d let him go. Continued on with her life, doing what she had to do.
But she loved Jason. Heart. Soul. Mind. Body.
She wandered into her bedroom and looked at the boxes half full of things. She stood in front of her dresser, staring at her watch, a pair of earrings and…the bear Jason had built for her, that day at Navy Pier, in his little Chicago Wolves uniform. A sharp stab of pain pierced her heart as she reached for the bear, remembering that day, the crazy fun they’d had. She’d probably fallen in love with him that day.
She hugged the bear, pressing her cheek to the soft fur, her tears dampening it, aching inside as memories of that day rolled through her head. She’d been so happy, so carefree. “Remi is beary beautiful.” Jason’s voice spoke from inside the bear and the tears fell harder and the ache intensified.
Why did she have to let him go? Why did he have to let her go? Parents together “for the sake of the children” was a huge mistake. Nobody these days expected a man in that position to ask the woman to marry him—did they? Wasn’t that the worst reason to get married? Especially if the relationship had ended and they didn’t love each other anymore? Wouldn’t that just be doomed to failure? And what kind of life would that be for their child if they stayed together and were miserable?
The questions bounced around in her aching head until she felt it might split open. She rubbed her temples. Think, Remi. Think.
She’d sacrificed a lot in her life. And she didn’t regret it. But she wasn’t going to let Jason sacrifice his whole life. There was more than one way to take responsibility for something.
She surged to her feet, then stood there for a moment, mind racing. She had to talk to him. She had to talk to him now.
She glanced wildly at her watch, but she wasn’t wearing one. The clock on the stove said nearly one. Where would he be? Practice? At home? She had to find him.
She grabbed her purse and was fishing for her keys when she realized she was still dressed in pajamas. With a growl of annoyance, she dropped her bag to the floor and ran to her bedroom to change.
When the phone rang, she dove for it, somehow the idea that Jason might be calling her implanted in her mind. But it was the realtor, calling to tell her there was an offer on the house.
“A great offer,” he said.
“Wonderful,” she huffed, trying to get out of her pajama pants with the phone tucked between shoulder and ear. Just what she needed. “That was fast.”
“I can come over right now,” he said.
“No. No. I have to go out somewhere. I’ll call you later.”
“Remi, you don’t want to lose this offer.”
“I…I have something important to do. Please. I’ll call you later.”
She had to talk to Jason.
Chapter Eighteen
She called his cell phone, but he didn’t answer. She drove to his apartment, but he wasn’t home. Remi stood on the street in front of his apartment building, biting her lip, wondering if he was with Brianne. She had no idea where Brianne lived and she didn’t think she had the nerve to go there anyway. The other place he could be was the arena. They were likely practicing for tomorrow night’s game.