What makes Seneca unique in the Stoic tradition was his deep psychological insight into the human condition, including human ambition and fears. He was the first person in the Western world who deeply explored the psychology of consumerism. He also made significant contributions to the understanding of the emotions and anger, which are still valid today. In short, Seneca wasn’t an academic theorist, but someone who had “seen it all” in real life: both the best and worst sides of human nature.14 He had firsthand experience of what he wrote about, and a unique ability to understand the inner, psychological motivations of others. This is what makes Seneca such a valuable guide to modern readers, two thousand years later.
In the end, Seneca’s time is our time. He’s our contemporary, and we deeply share the same concerns.
CHAPTER 1
The Lost Art of Friendship
Nothing will ever please me, no matter how excellent or beneficial, if I must keep the knowledge of it to myself. . . . No good thing is pleasant to possess without friends to share it.
—Seneca, Letters 6.4
WHEN SENECA WAS IN HIS SIXTIES, HIS GOOD FRIEND Lucilius was wrestling with a significant problem.
Lucilius was a bit younger than Seneca and held a position in Nero’s administration, governing the region of Sicily. Like Seneca, Lucilius was ambitious, talented, hardworking, and successful. He had established a high-ranking career, and even fame, in the social world of his time. But at some point in the process of achieving that high level of success, Lucilius had neglected his inner well-being. In modern terms, he was experiencing a crisis of meaning.
Seeking advice from a trusted friend, Lucilius turned to Seneca for help. Lucilius wanted to retire and live a more thoughtful and fulfilling life, but he also had become used to his wealthy lifestyle and the public acclaim he often received. And like many people today, Lucilius wondered if he had enough financial resources to retire and maintain his lifestyle, or if he should keep on working a few more years to build up his savings. While Lucilius yearned to be free, he also feared the consequences of leaving his well-paid position.
While Seneca scholars never mention it, this is the background story behind Seneca’s letters to Lucilius.
Lucilius’s questions about how to adjust his path in life gave Seneca an excuse to create his wonderful Letters, written not just for Lucilius but for a wider circle of readers. At the same time, the Letters were a cleverly designed introductory course to Seneca’s own brand of Stoic philosophy. But behind this entire project was a belief in the deep and transforming power of friendship. Throughout his Letters, Seneca discusses many aspects of friendship, but this passage highlights why friendship is so essentiaclass="underline"
Friendship creates between us a partnership in all things. Nothing is good or bad for us alone: we live in common. Nor can anyone live happily who only cares for his own advantage. You must live for another if you would live for yourself. This fellowship, maintained with special care and respect, unites humanity as a whole, and holds that we all have certain rights in common. But it’s also beneficial for nurturing the more intimate kind of friendship, of which I’ve been speaking. For someone who has much in common with another human being will have everything in common with a friend.1
While Seneca expressed his philosophy of living to Lucilius in letters and correspondence, he wrote his earlier philosophical works for other friends, relatives, and people he knew personally. His goal was to help them achieve mental tranquility, overcome grief, or address different challenges. As we can see, for Seneca philosophy, as the art of living, was not based on creating an abstract system for other intellectuals. Instead, it involved person-to-person relationships since, in Seneca’s view, philosophy should help living people in the real world.
Seneca repeatedly criticized the academic philosophers of his time, who reduced philosophy to uncompelling logical arguments. Their approach seemed unconvincing, and it was irrelevant to addressing human needs. Seneca strongly distinguished between “real philosophy” and its alternative, which he saw as wordplay, a mere intellectual game. Many philosophers of his time, he said, focused on analyzing syllables and splitting hairs rather than exploring living ideas, which could enhance human life. He insisted that real learning is for life, not for the classroom.2 Seneca’s philosophical ideas were both systematic and consistent, but, as a writer, he understood the importance of presenting those ideas in an attractive and compelling way. By conveying philosophy with literary skill and dramatic impact, he brought philosophy to life and made it memorable.
While Lucilius saw Seneca as a close friend, he also looked upon Seneca as his philosophical mentor and adviser, a role Seneca was happy to play. Sometimes a friend can be a superb mentor. Often, someone who knows you well can offer candid feedback that would feel out of place—or even hostile—coming from a stranger. Consequently, there are many places in the Letters where Seneca “pushed back” quite hard against the kinds of false opinions (seen from Seneca’s Stoic perspective) that were causing Lucilius mental anxiety.
Seneca knew Lucilius well and, when necessary, helped him take a serious look at the underlying beliefs that were causing his problems. Seneca would then encourage Lucilius to look at things from another perspective, helping him to reframe the situation. Some of Seneca’s letters closely resemble modern-day psychotherapy sessions, in which a therapist challenges his client to question his or her patterns of thinking. In all of Seneca’s philosophical writings, he plays a mentor’s role, offering sensible advice and rational arguments to address real-life difficulties. He does this by helping his readers to reconsider their underlying beliefs. For Seneca and the Stoics, unless you can remove or deconstruct the false beliefs that cause mental suffering, it’s impossible for anyone lead a happier life.3
INSTRUMENTS OF FRIENDSHIP
Whenever your letters arrive, it seems I am with you. I feel that I’m about to speak my answer instead of writing back.
—Seneca, Letters 67.2
Being together with a friend is the best way to enjoy each other’s company and have meaningful conversations. But that’s not always possible. In ancient times, a letter was an instrument to build, maintain, and strengthen friendships, bridging the space of separation. As Seneca wrote to Lucilius, “I never receive a letter from you without being instantly in your company.”4 Letters continued to perform this function until they were largely replaced by email, which wasn’t that long ago.
Unfortunately, I think we lost something vital with the invention of email. While emails are quick and efficient, they tend to feel disembodied and insubstantial. By comparison, a well-written physical letter can offer a significantly different experience, one that more profoundly communicates an individual’s personality and inner thoughts. While we forget emails quickly, an engaging letter can feel nourishing and is something you might save in a special place.
The fact that letter writing has gone out of style is, I believe, at least one small contributor to the “epidemic of loneliness,” about which we now read so much. Ironically, while social media platforms like Facebook connect us with hundreds of others, many people feel more lonely than ever. I think I understand why: the level of communication that takes place on social media is so diminished, compared to the kinds of real conversations we need to be happy and to flourish as human beings. While letters can embody ongoing conversations, social media is primarily made up of comments—and those are two very different things.