Brandon squeezed her other hand a little harder, closing his eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath. “This really is not the time or place for this, baby—”
“Don’t call me that,” she snapped, tugging her hand out of his grip. “But you’re right. I don’t think I wanna be here anymore.”
“That kiss was for you, Regina,” he said, very determined. “I kissed her out of desperation. I panicked, okay?”
“What?” Regina peered at him.
Desperation? He looked anything but desperate that night. Regina crossed her arms in front of her, not sure if she was more annoyed or curious now.
“I supposed you took her home out of desperation too?”
“Look,” he said, glancing around, and lowered his voice a bit. “You said it yourself the other day.” He glanced down at her still noticeably unstable hand. “Obviously, there is still a lot that you and I don’t know about each other. But trust me on this one. Please. That girl that night meant as much to me as any of the other girls I’ve never seen again.”
Sitting up a little straighter, Regina tried desperately to regain some of the composure she felt slipping away so quickly. “What exactly did you panic about, Brandon?”
This time Brandon took a sip of his own water, and that made her nervous. Her heart ached to think maybe she really was on to him and he knew it.
“Give me your hand,” he said, gently but firmly reaching his out for her.
If she weren’t in such need to feel instant comfort, she might’ve protested. Instead, she glanced down at his hand, tempted to give in.
“Please,” he added.
She did, trying her damnedest to keep it from shaking, and prayed whatever he said next would make everything better. She wasn’t ready to give this up just yet.
“I told you,” he began as reached for her other hand and squeezed both in his. “I fought my attraction to you from the very beginning. That morning when you confronted me, I already knew I was losing that battle. As much as I was still determined to continue fighting it, I knew the one thing that would make it impossible was the remote possibility that you were attracted to me too. Because of the way I had treated you up until then, I didn’t think you could be. Yet I saw something in your eyes, even through your anger, that morning. Then, when you showed up at that restaurant looking at me like you did, I panicked.” He shook his head with a frown. “It was a last-ditch effort to walk away with my rules still safely intact and my world not being turned upside down.”
Regina stared at him, relieved by everything he’d just told her, except that last part. Before she could ask, the waitress dropped off their coffee and tea, and Brandon put in the order for her slice of tiramisu and a crème brûlée.
Hating that she couldn’t bring herself to even look away from him for even a moment, she chastised herself for the instant heat she felt as he smiled at the waitress sweetly. She’d never been this insecure. Ryan used to flirt with their waitresses openly, and she’d laugh. Brandon was just being polite here. As serious as he was, until that night she saw him with that girl, she’d been certain he never smiled, much less had a flirtatious side.
The waitress had just walked away when Regina asked, “I turned your life upside down?”
To her surprise, he nodded, still very serious. “Yes. Yes, you did.” He lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it. “But in a good way. As fast as this happened, I already can’t imagine my life without you. I just wish I could make you understand the reasons behind my rules. Kissing like I love kissing you was another major no-no. It’s why that kiss you saw me give Serenity was the only time I kissed her that entire night. And it was only because I panicked.”
Regina peered at him, still finding that hard to believe.
Taking a deep breath, he suddenly looked very determined. “I’ve always been a loner, Regina, my whole life. My home life wasn’t anything I wanted to share with anyone. It wasn’t pretty.” His jaw went taut as she’d seen it before when his expressions would go so icy all of a sudden, so she squeezed his hand. “My father was abusive, mostly to my mom but also with me sometimes if I ever tried to defend her, which happened more and more as I go older. Then, the only time I ever allowed myself to get close to anyone and open up even just a little bit was with the girl I told you about.” He shook his head. “It’s a long story, babe.”
“You said she wasn’t a girlfriend.”
“She wasn’t, and she’s not the whole reason for my fear of attachments.”
Fear? He’d called it a rule. Never once had he mentioned a fear, and this girl was part of the reason? Swallowing back her sudden anxiety, Regina reminded herself this was a long time ago. Obviously, he’d seen the unease on her face because he reached for her other hand.
“It’s complicated, Regina, not the part about her but—”
“Then tell me the part about her. You said she wasn’t your girlfriend but it’s a long story. I’m curious now.”
Brandon’s head fell back for a moment; then he inhaled deeply and began. He went all the way back to when he was a kid. Her name was Sofie. He’d grown up down the street from her and what he referred to her junkyard dog brothers. No one dared mess with her unless they had a death wish.
“I lived in that house in the neighborhood,” he said then took a bitter drink of his tea. “You know the one. There’s one in every neighborhood—the one where the cops have to be called out at least once a week because of some domestic disturbance. My family was the only trouble in the otherwise peaceful upscale neighborhood. I was known as a loner and a loser, and, yeah, when I was a lot younger, my way of dealing with being called a loser or looked down on was to act out. So I pissed her brothers off a lot. Even got my ass kicked a few times, so, of course, there was no way I was allowed anywhere near her where her brothers were concerned.”
Regina listened intently as he fast forwarded to his senior year in high school. Sofie was all grown up and really turning heads, including Brandon’s. He said he really thought he’d made a connection with her because she was in his Geometry class and they sat together. Sofie had told him she’d come to realize over the years he was misunderstood, not bad like everyone made him out to be.
“We talked a lot, and I thought we’d gotten pretty close.” He shrugged. “Closer than I’d ever been to anyone in my life. And then I left to join the Marines. Long story short is during a leave when I came back she was all grown up and in a relationship. But that didn’t stop us from having a moment.” For the first time since he’d begun talking, he broke their eye contact, looking down at his glass. “I kissed her, and not only did she let me but she kissed me back. Up until then, it was the only time I’d kissed someone, and it didn’t feel meaningless. I thought she felt it too.” Finally, he looked up and met Regina’s eyes again. “I was wrong. End of story.”
“What do you mean you were wrong? Did she tell you or you just assumed?”
“Nope, she told me.” He shook his head. “I was nothing more than a curiosity to her, a chance to be with the forbidden bad boy, to kiss someone other than the only other guy she’d ever kissed—her boyfriend. But she called it a mistake. I was probably the biggest mistake a good girl like her ever made.”