He had come home late, Toni had already been asleep, and he’d stewed about this particular problem until he conked out. And he woke up thinking about it.
That it?
Yeah, I think that just about covers it. My life is just swell.
He sipped at the coffee. It was cold. He considered getting up to warm it, but it wasn’t worth the effort. Sitting and staring at the wall was ever so much more important.
Sure, sitting and whining about how hard your life is, that’s the way to go, all right.
“Up yours!”
“Hey. What did I do?”
Michaels looked up. He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud until he heard Toni. She stood there, wearing one of his dress shirts and nothing else, and she looked absolutely gorgeous, even though her face was sleep-wrinkled and her hair was a tangled rat’s nest. That didn’t help, that she was beautiful and he loved her. He’d thought things were okay when she came back, he’d thought all was right with the world.
Well, think again, pal.
“Nothing, I was just talking to myself.”
She took a mug from the dishwasher and poured coffee into it. She inhaled the vapor, blew it out, then drank. She turned and leaned against the counter, looked at him. “You want to talk about it?”
Did he want to talk about it? Goddamned right he wanted to talk about it. They could start with How come you didn’t tell me you’d been to see the director to discuss going to work for her? Slip your mind? Not important enough to even mention? Don’t want to let me in on little details in your life, like where you are going to work?
But he didn’t say that. Instead, he said, “Not really.”
She took another sip of the brew. “Okay.”
Fine. Fine. If she wasn’t going to bring it up, he would rot in hell for all eternity before he brought it up!
He said, “I need to go in early. I’m having a meeting with the mainline SAC to coordinate our investigation to find Morrison.”
“Want me to ride along?”
“Suit yourself.” That came out a little snippier than he wanted, but what the hell, it was how he felt.
She blew out a sigh, then put the coffee mug down on the counter and crossed her arms. “All right. What’s eating you? You’re so pissed off you’re about to spit. Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong? No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He could feel the acid drip from his voice, feel the rage just barely buried under his words.
“So why are you taking my head off?”
He was not going to say it, he was not going to say it! “No reason. I was just wondering, since you are always hammering at me for keeping to myself, not telling you what is going on inside my head, I was just wondering why you didn’t tell me you were considering going to work for Melissa Allison, that’s all.”
Well. So much for his burn-in-hell resolve not to mention it.
She unfolded her arms, put one hand to her mouth, and she had, by God, the grace to at least look guilty. She said, “I… I’m sorry. I was going to tell you.”
“When? When I saw them painting your name on your new parking space?”
“Alex—”
“No, no, you don’t have to explain. You can do what you want, I don’t have any strings on you. You want to work for the folks on the other side of the compound, hey, it’s not my business. You are going to take the job, right?”
Her arms came back up and she crossed them tightly in front of her breasts. She stared back at him. “Yes. I am.”
His gut twisted. Well. There you go. Signed, sealed, delivered.
He stood. “Congratulations. I’m so glad we had a chance to discuss it before you made your decision.” He stalked past her toward the bedroom. Probably not as impressive as it might have been, since he was wearing nothing but his old ratty bathrobe with the frayed cuffs and torn shoulder.
“Don’t do this, Alex! Don’t shut down on me!”
“You have no room to say that right now,” he said. “No room at all. I’m going to work.”
“If you do, I won’t be here when you get back!”
“Fine, you’re going to do what you want anyhow — why bother to tell me!”
And that pretty much ended that conversation.
29
In the cab on the way to the rental car place, Toni fumed. Why did Alex have to be such a horse’s ass?
All right, yes, she should have told him about the job interview, and that she was seriously considering taking the offer. But, really, when did she have the chance? After she had seen the director, Alex had been out of his office and busy. He hadn’t come back to his condo until late, and she’d been in bed. The first time she could have reasonably brought it up was this morning, and before she had a chance to say anything, he’d jumped down her throat. How fair was that?
Uh-huh. You can make the case that way to him if you want, but let’s not bullshit ourselves, okay? You could have mentioned it before you went to the meeting. And you were only pretending to be asleep when Alex got home because you didn’t want to talk about it. Try again.
All right, yes, yes, it was true. But even so, he still didn’t have any right to blow up like that. He wasn’t her father!
No, but he’s the man you love. And he was right about one thing — you did to him what you absolutely hate to see him do to you — you kept him in the dark about what was going on inside your head. And all that business about you not being there when he got home? What was that?
Toni sighed. She hated these arguments with her inner self. She always lost. She could rationalize to somebody else, but she couldn’t fool herself — not for long, anyhow. Alex’s anger had ignited her own, and when they’d both had a chance to cool down, they’d be able to discuss things more rationally. He did love her, she knew that, and just because they’d had a fight didn’t mean all was lost forever. She hadn’t had much practice at that, fighting with somebody you loved, and every time it happened, she had a belly-twisting fear that it would be the end. One cross word, blap! they’d go their separate ways. Maybe you got over that, in time. She hoped so.
All right. So now the question was, Should she wait and hash this out with Alex? Or should she go to Quantico, see the director, and tell her she was going to take the job? Her ego said to hell with him, do what you want. But her heart said she should at least sit down and explain to him why she wanted to do it. Okay, so he was pissed off at her, he was busy, and he had a lot on his mind, but they could find a few minutes to work this out. This was more important than anything else in her life, she couldn’t just turn and walk away from it.
“Here we are, lady,” the cabbie said.
Toni blinked. The trip had been a blur, she couldn’t remember any of it.
“Thanks,” she said.
Her mind was set. She would get the rental car, drive to the office, and find a time and space to talk to Alex. She could make him understand. She knew she could.
The bar was a rat hole — shoot, a self-respecting rat would think twice about sticking its nose in here, and if it had two neurons to spark at each other, it would decide not to risk it. The lighting was mercifully dim, but you could still see the knife scars in the wooden bar, the initials carved in the tables and stools. There were flats and holographs on the walls lit by neon beer signs, the posters of mostly naked women perched in various poses on Harley Davidson motorcycles. On a couple of the pictures, certain portions of the women’s anatomy had been worn through to the dark wall underneath, caused by somebody rubbing or kissing the images. The mirror behind the bar was cracked in two places, held together with glass-mend strips, and few of the liquor bottles on the shelves behind the bartender were more than half-full.