That relationship practically destroyed my sense of self-worth. I never wanted to feel like that again, so I didn’t allow it. I kept myself closed off from everyone and I refused to open up. It was just easier that way. Keeping everything locked up inside was effortless when you didn’t have anyone you wanted to share it all with.
Swimming Hole
Paige
I followed Mrs. Montgomery’s directions and walked down the dirt pathway carved through her property. Plush green grass grew tall on each side of me and the trees were large, overgrown, and spectacular. I’d never been surrounded by so much greenery before. Los Angeles was mostly concrete and brown since we didn’t get much rain. Not to mention the fact that people couldn’t stop building things on every piece of available space there was. Seeing a landscape filled with so much color was awe inspiring.
In moments like these, I wished I were the creative type. If I were a painter, I’d stop and paint the scene around me. If I could draw, I’d sketch the way the tree branches dipped low and looked like arms bearing heavy loads. But since I could do neither of those things without putting out something that looked like it was done by a second grader, I simply scanned the area and committed it to memory. Sure, I could have pulled out my phone and taken a picture of it, but it wouldn’t be the same. Sometimes a photograph didn’t do a place justice the way physically being there did.
When the swimming hole came into view, I stopped and smiled to myself as the trees thinned out to reveal this perfect little area. It was like something straight out of a movie set. I realized I always compared everything to movie screens and sets, but that had been my life for the last seven years and had formed my frame of reference.
What Mrs. Montgomery referred to as a swimming hole was actually a bend in the river that was wider than the rest. The water slowed here, probably because it was deeper, and the banks were rounded, reminding me of a secluded lagoon.
Large rocks lined one side of the hole, and tree branches hung low over the water, nearly dipping in. The rope swing dangled in almost the middle of the water, and I realized that I had to climb out onto a tree branch if I wanted to reach it. The area around the water looked like it had been groomed to mimic a shoreline. All the small pebbles had been cleared and the sandy ground was smoothed out evenly. I spread my towel across it and lay down, listening to nothing but the sound of the water moving and the birds chirping.
My entire being relaxed as sunlight streamed through the tree branches and warmed my skin. Mrs. Montgomery was right. It was peaceful.
“Oh, hi. We didn’t know anyone was here.”
The sound of female voices startled me, and I practically jumped off the ground before I even opened my eyes. I glanced up to see two girls who appeared to be around my age looking down at me. Sitting up, I took inventory of the newcomers. One was blond, while the other was a fiery redhead. They were both striking in their appearance, making me wish I’d put on makeup this morning.
The girls inspected me from head to toe as I silently waited for the recognition to kick in. It was my experience that the majority of girls my own age knew who I was. Even if they weren’t fans of my movies, they knew me anyway.
“Oh shit, are you Paige Lockwood?” the pretty blonde asked from behind her oversized sunglasses, her head tilted to one side as she elbowed her redheaded friend in the ribs.
I sucked in a quick breath and steadied the nervousness that suddenly surged through my body. I could have tried to lie to them, but I was never a good liar. “Yeah.”
“Oh my gosh! I loved you in Summer Rain. It’s one of my favorite movies!” the girl gushed.
My cheeks warmed and I mumbled, “Thanks.”
“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it’s really you. This is so cool!” she continued, and I didn’t know how to respond. I was never sure what to say in situations like this where the person wasn’t really asking a question, but more making comments. Fortunately, I didn’t have to stumble for long before she cooed, “So, what’s it really like to make out with all the hottest guys in Hollywood?”
That question I could answer easily. “It’s not like you think,” I said with a smile.
“What do you mean? You’ve had like the hottest guys in all your movies. Kissing them has to be the best thing ever!”
I nodded. “But it’s work. And you’re not alone when you’re filming these scenes that are supposed to be super romantic, you know?”
The blonde shook her head and said, “No. What do you mean?”
“We’re surrounded by a ton of crew members. Someone’s making sure the lighting is hitting us just right, and there’s a guy holding a giant boom mic to pick up all our lines and sounds.” I held my arms up to mimic what it was like to hold out the giant microphone on the heavy pole. “And there’s the director and the assistant director, the makeup artists, wardrobe.”
“Ew. That’s a lot of people watching you make out,” the redhead said as she scrunched up her face.
“Exactly.” I nodded. “Not romantic. At all.”
“Well, that stinks,” the blonde said. “So, what are you doing here anyway?”
“My car got a flat, so I’m just here until Tatum gets it fixed.”
His name slipped off my tongue with such ease, it almost surprised me as much as it did the blond girl. At the mention of him, her body language changed completely and her stance became defensive as she crossed her arms over her chest.
“Ah, so the BMW is yours, I take it?” she asked, her tone now overly sweet, but in a way that warned me to proceed with caution. “It’s a really nice car. Tatum showed it to me yesterday at the shop.”
The redhead glanced at her, then frowned and made a face.
“He showed you my car?” I asked, not quite believing her.
She nodded, her lips pressed together in a fake smile. “I’m sure Tatum will fix it up in no time. He’s good at everything he does.” Then she pinned me with a knowing look as she added, “If you know what I mean.”
My skin prickled with her words and my chest felt like it was filled with bricks as I inhaled each breath. I hated what this girl was insinuating. It was ridiculous for me to care so much about a virtual stranger, but I didn’t like thinking that Tatum belonged to anyone, much less this kind of girl. Jealous feelings flowed through me before I could think about where they came from or why they were there.
My emotions confused me. Just a few days ago I was mourning the loss of Colin and being humiliated by his actions, and today I was getting all jealous at the thought of a guy I didn’t even know had a girlfriend. Who does that?
I wanted to reach inside my chest, pull my heart out, and have a frank discussion with it about its behavior. We needed to be on the same page, or at least in the same book.
The redhead extended her hand. “I’m Celeste and this is Brina. She’s Tatum’s ex-girlfriend.” Celeste emphasized the ex part, much to Brina’s dismay, and the bricks in my chest immediately burst, making breathing much easier.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I said with a smile. The last thing I needed was enemies, or crazy ex-girlfriends causing me any more personal drama.
“And I love all your movies. You’re a great actress,” Celeste added, sounding genuine.
I gave her a quick smile. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”
“Oh yeah, we’re big fans,” Brina chimed in. “I made Tatum watch all your movies. He was always—” Brina stopped short, her face twisted with whatever thoughts she was suddenly thinking. She didn’t finish her sentence, and I didn’t press.
“Thanks again. That’s really nice of you both. And I definitely appreciate you making your boyfriends sit through my girly flicks,” I said with a laugh.