He didn’t want me. He told me to leave. The anguish of it all repeated, making sure I didn’t forget a single word of it.
“You’re a good time,” he’d said to me in an icy voice.
“No joke. I’m telling you to go. You should have never been here in the first place.”
Tears continued to spill down my cheeks each time his hateful tone echoed inside my mind. My entire body ached in a way I didn’t recognize.
The pain with Colin had been so very different from this. I’d thought I loved Colin, but now I wasn’t sure what exactly it was that I felt for him. Tatum made my relationship with Colin seem like such a joke; juvenile, at best.
Realizing that I was heading back to my reality, following the two men in my life that I currently liked the least, I reached for my cell phone tucked inside my purse and pulled it out. Glancing at it quickly, I turned it on for the first time in ages. It came to life, synched with my car, and started beeping out message alerts for what felt like five minutes straight.
Ignoring them all, I told my car to dial Quinn.
“What’s up, babe?”
“Don’t you ever work?” I teased through my tears.
“I’m actually in my trailer, brat, so start talking before I get called back on set,” she warned, and I lost it.
I sobbed for a moment, and after Quinn asked me three times what was wrong, she stayed silent until I stopped sounding like a wounded animal.
“Jayson and Colin came here,” I stuttered.
“Shut up. Oh my God, how’d they find you?”
“I have no idea.”
“Where are you?”
“Driving.”
“Driving where? Back home?”
“Yeah.”
“What about Tatum? Is he with you?”
“He told me to leave.” I sucked in a shaky breath as more tears fell. I wanted to say more about him, but I couldn’t.
“He told you to leave?” When I couldn’t respond, she finally added, “I’m sorry, Paige. Where’s Colin now?”
“In Jayson’s car,” I spat out. “I wouldn’t let him ride with me.”
“Good girl,” she murmured. “How long until you’re back?”
“I’m not sure. Probably another couple of days.”
“I can’t believe Jayson drove out there and brought Colin with him. That’s just a low blow.”
“They flew.” I didn’t know why I felt like even the most minute details were important, but for some reason I wanted Quinn to have all the facts. “But then they rented a car to make sure I’d go back with them. It’s awful the way they showed up, demanding I leave. And I did it, Quinn. I just packed up my stuff and followed them like the good little obedient girl that I am.”
“No,” she snapped at me, her voice turning harsh. “Do not do that to yourself. Please don’t act like getting away didn’t change you, Paige, because I heard it in your voice. That trip was a good thing. Don’t diminish it. And you had to eventually come back, anyway. It’s not like you could stay gone forever.”
She was right. I would have had to come back to LA soon enough, so I allowed a smidgeon of that particular guilt to evaporate, even if I didn’t entirely agree with it. I felt like I was being bossed around, and I allowed it.
“Call me as soon as you get in, and I’ll come right over,” she insisted.
“I will.” I almost hung up before I whispered, “Quinn?”
“Yeah, babe.”
“Why didn’t you tell me what the tabloids were saying about me?”
My car speakers blared out a raspy crackle as she breathed into her cell phone. “It only just started happening, I swear. And I figured it would all die down, but so far, your being away has only kept the talk going. I was going to tell you about it the next time you called me, but honestly—”
She paused for a long enough time that I thought our call dropped. “Quinn?”
“Sorry. It’s just that part of me didn’t want to tell you about it because you needed to be away from all this bullshit. You were having such a good time being free that I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to come back to your chains. I didn’t want to be the reason you came home before you were ready.”
Her words soaked into me, traveled through my body, and settled square in my heart. “You’re a good friend, Quinn.”
“The best,” she added with a small laugh.
“You are.”
“You understand, though, right? You aren’t mad at me?” she asked, her voice small.
“I do understand. I’m not mad. Thank you for always looking out for me.”
“I love you. I’ll see you when you get home. Hurry up. I miss you.”
“Miss you too. ’Bye.”
I disconnected the call before she said anything else and continued following the Mercedes in front of me.
• • •
After long days of monotonous driving, my apartment building was finally in view. Over time, the hurt I’d felt about Tatum’s reaction had been replaced by anger. It was the only way I could deal with everything my body and mind were currently attempting to process. As long as I was mad, I wasn’t sad or reeling in the loss.
Jayson and Colin still led the way, and I found myself annoyed even more by their heavy-handed behavior. I didn’t need a freaking escort into my own home.
As I pulled into the entrance, I was suddenly surrounded by hordes of people rushing to my car from every direction. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be accosted at every turn. Almost.
Being in Hanford had been such a relief in every way. I didn’t realize how stressed I had become by simply choosing this career. It’s amazing the things that you’ll live with and stop noticing because they become a part of you—like the weight of certain anxieties and burdens. You simply carry it all on your shoulders and forget it’s there because you eventually become used to the extra weight.
Cameras flashed all around me, blinding me even in the daylight. Reporters shouted questions so loudly, I couldn’t tune them out. It was worse than when I’d escaped to Quinn and Ryson’s house, so much worse.
No longer were the questions about Colin and his stupid cheating ways, but about my apparent inability to handle it all. Because why else would I have been gone for so long?
“Paige, did you really try to kill yourself?”
“How was rehab? What were you in for, sweetie?”
“We heard Colin found you and saved you. Are you two back together?”
“Do you have a drinking problem? Drug overdose?”
“Colin’s here! Did Colin bring you home from rehab? Is this a new start for you two?”
I stepped out of my car at the same time Colin exited Jayson’s. If I thought the flashes were blinding before, they were nothing in comparison to the flurry that started then. The press loved a good drama, and that was what my relationship with Colin had become since the news of his cheating broke.
Colin wrapped his arm around my lower back. When I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, his fingers dug deeper into my side.
“Get off me,” I hissed at him, knowing that this was the ultimate publicity stunt for him. What better way for him to save his own hide than to be seen with me? If Paige Lockwood could forgive Colin, then why couldn’t the rest of the world?
“Stop being so difficult, Paige,” he said through clenched teeth. “Let me help you inside.” He smiled brightly at the cameras before kissing the side of my head.
The moment his lips touched me, I recoiled and fought off the urge to puke all over my shoes. The paparazzi continued to shout, cameras continued to flash, and I no longer cared about any of it. I pressed my palms against Colin and shoved him away from me so hard he almost fell to the ground. I wished he would have.