“Thanks, Mom.” I breathed in a couple of shaky breaths. “Let’s talk about something else. What’s going on with you? How’s work? How’s Dad? How’s Stacey?”
“Everything’s fine here. Work is the same. Never changes unless something goes on with you, then my phone starts ringing off the hook and I come home to people camped in our bushes and jumping out at me every time I pull in or out of the garage.”
Guilt pinched at my heart. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Your dad almost ran one of them over. Claimed he didn’t see them, but I think he did.” She started laughing wickedly and it made me giggle. “And your sister’s good. She just needs to decide which college she’s going to attend in the fall so she can send them her acceptance and we can start planning.”
“Do you think she’ll leave California?”
“Honestly? I do. You know how she’s always felt about New York. Ever since you took her there that one year, she’s been obsessed with NYU. But I think she’s trying to decide if she really wants to leave home or not.”
I thought back to when I filmed a movie in New York City when I was eighteen. Stacey was about to turn fourteen at the time, but I wanted her to experience some of the things I was, so I flew her out for a week during her spring break. Her face had lit up with wonder the second we entered the city. Neither one of us had ever seen anything like it in our lives: the tall buildings, the nightlife, the people. Just like the saying, New York was a city that never slept. No matter what time we were up or what we were doing, a hundred other people always surrounded us. It was exciting, and when we happened to walk past NYU one day, she’d proclaimed, “I’m going to go to college here,” and I believed her.
“Yeah. It’s a tough decision,” I said, wondering what I would do if I were my sister.
“Call her when you have a chance. She’s worried about you, but she never calls you because she doesn’t want to bother you. She always thinks she bothers you.”
“I know. It’s because she calls right when I’m in the middle of filming, or at an interview or something,” I said as the guilt squeezed me a little harder.
“You’re always busy, Paige. Make time for her, please,” my mom insisted.
“I will. I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
“Okay. Be careful, sweetheart. We all worry about you. And I’m really sorry again about everything you’re going through.”
“Thanks. It will pass. It always does.” Not that I’d been through anything like this before, but I’d been around long enough to know today’s front-page news didn’t last long before being replaced by someone else’s front-page news. “’Bye, Mom,” I said before hanging up.
Walking into the bathroom, I reached for a washcloth and splashed some water on my face to wipe away the tears that had left streak marks. Convinced it wouldn’t be the last time today that tears fell from my eyes, I washed away any remaining makeup from my skin and rinsed out the cloth.
After digging in my bag for two ibuprofen, I swallowed them and downed a full glass of water before walking back outside. Moving toward the lounge chair, I positioned myself and sat back down.
“How’s Mom?” Quinn chirped from her lounge chair without opening her eyes.
I sighed. “She’s sad for me. And worried. And wants to come over.”
“That’s normal. Moms want to fix everything for us. Bless their hearts.”
The wind whipped gently through my hair and I reached back, gathering it all in my hand before twisting it into a knot at the base of my head.
“Stacey’s getting ready to choose which college she wants to attend,” I said as my voice quivered.
“Oh no.”
“Oh no, what?” I asked.
“I know that tone. You get it every time you talk about someone from your hometown going off to college.” She rolled her eyes and glanced out toward the ocean.
“I know I do. I can’t help it.”
“I hate how much you want that life,” Quinn said softly, her tone filled with sadness.
“It’s crazy, right? That I’m jealous of my little sister when I’m one of the most sought-after actresses in the country.”
Quinn shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know how crazy it is. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve always missed out on having those normal, boring moments. It doesn’t surprise me that this whole college thing is springing back up.”
“It’s not boring,” I complained.
“I beg to differ.”
I laughed. “What do you even know about it? You’ve been an actress your entire life. You don’t even know what you’re missing,” I reminded her with a sigh.
“Bingo.” She placed a finger on her nose and pointed at me with her other hand. “And that’s the problem.”
Confused, I shaded my eyes with a hand and squinted at her. “Uh, what’s the problem?”
“You were basically ripped out of school and shut off from all your friends. You know what you’re missing because it was all taken away from you when you weren’t ready.”
I nodded because she was absolutely right. Sure, I loved acting, but looking back, I had no idea what I would be giving up. It all started for me when a scout approached me in the mall one day while I was shopping with a group of girlfriends. Completely typical, for sure, but that was how it happened. She handed me her business card and insisted I have my parents call her as soon as I got home. That led to a face-to-face meeting at her office in Beverly Hills, which led to my signing with her as my manager. Multiple acting classes followed, and a big-name talent agent signed me almost immediately. Apparently all of this was rather unheard of in this day and age, but they said I was a “natural” and that the camera loved me.
What had been normal for me quickly turned into anything but. My high school years were spent in makeshift classrooms on movie sets, and all my old friendships fell to the wayside. It wasn’t intentional, and it wasn’t even entirely my fault. My schedule was so busy it was hard to stay in contact with people, and all my old friends were doing their own thing as well. When we did talk, they were experiencing things I couldn’t relate to anymore, and vice versa. We no longer had much in common, which made conversations difficult and uncomfortable. Eventually I stopped talking to almost everyone from my old school.
At the time, I never regretted all the things I missed out on. But looking back at it now that I was twenty-one, and with everything Stacey was getting to do, I wished that I had accepted Daniel Mack’s invitation to prom. I could have never attended since I was on location filming a movie at the time, but I found myself longing for a sense of normalcy now more than ever.
I glanced over at Quinn. “I just don’t see what the big deal is. Why can’t I do what I want to do? I’m not saying I’m going to stay in college until I get a degree, but I’m not saying I won’t either. I don’t know, but I want to try. Why does everyone freak out when I mention it?”
Quinn lowered her sunglasses so she could eyeball me, and I narrowed my gaze to meet hers. “Because you’re their cash cow, Paige. You know this. You stop giving them milk because you want to visit a new farm, they freak. I’ve told you this before, but I really hate your agent and your manager. They aren’t good people. Why do you think Madison left? Jayson’s an asshole.”
“I know, but I’ve been with him since the beginning, so it’s just easier.”
“Easier to what? Compromise everything you want? Have absolutely zero say in your own life?”
“It’s just easier to stay,” I said sadly before slipping my sunglasses over my eyes to hide from her judgment.
“Paige Lockwood, the sweetest girl in Hollywood. Oh, if they only knew how true their headlines about you were.” Quinn smiled as she took a swig of her lime-filled beer.
“What am I supposed to do then?”
She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Leave them. Someone else would be happy to have you. Hell, sign with Madison. I’m sure she’d actually give a shit about you and your career. I’ve even thought about signing with her.”