“Anastazia,” he said sharply, “I’m not blowing you off. But if you don’t mind, I’m not exactly looking forward to this trip. When we return, draw up a proposal and we will sit down and go over it. Until then, I promise I won’t make any decisions regarding Rafe’s company.”
She felt horrible, guilty. Of course this was hard on him. She kept harping on how she felt over Rafe’s death, and Matthias knew and loved him for centuries.
Jesus, I’m such a selfish bitch.
She swallowed, reached a hand to him, and touched his thigh. Moderating her tone, she said, “I’m sorry. You’re right. We can talk about it later.” He finally took her hand and didn’t let go.
After several minutes of silence she spoke again, her tone subdued. “You know, we really don’t know each other that well. I know I love you, and I know I want to marry you. But…” She trailed off and he gently squeezed her hand.
“Taz, this is a rough time for both of us. We should be getting to know each other, and everything is coming down on top of us. This is why I originally wanted to take years to get to the point we are now. I knew discovering your powers gradually would be overwhelming. When you fed me, it triggered an uncontrolled tsunami inside you. It’s a lot to deal with. I understand. We’ll get through it together, I promise. I love you.”
“But why?”
He took his eyes off the road long enough to look at her. “Does it matter?”
“It does to me.”
He turned back to the road. “When Tim showed me your picture, I felt something at the bottom of my soul awaken, something I thought died a long time ago. Something about you took hold of me and wouldn’t let go.”
She tried to keep her tone level, nonsnarky. “You could have had any woman you wanted, and I don’t mean forced them, either. Any woman with half a brain would find you attractive, even without your vamp mojo.”
He glanced at her, satisfied she wasn’t being sarcastic. “I didn’t want any woman with half a brain.” He released her hand with a final, gentle squeeze and she noticed how his knuckles tightened as he gripped the steering wheel.
“I want to talk about this with you, Taz. I want you to know about my past, as much as you want to know. Right now, I need to focus on what we must do today. I would rather wait until we’re home and relaxed. I promise we will, just ask me. Today I wish to focus on Rafe and what I need to do for him.”
She nodded, fighting her own tears. “I understand.” She patted his thigh. “I know you’re afraid of sending me into some sort of catatonic state again if you talk about what happened, but don’t worry, it won’t. I want you to lean on me, too, the way you keep asking me to lean on you.”
“Deal.” He glanced at her. “I know you want to work, but could we take a couple of days off together this week, when we get back, and use that time to sit and talk?”
“Deal.”
They fell silent. As the miles passed beneath the tires, Matthias found his mind drawn to the past, to his cousin. Tim had warned that it might be too soon to push Taz together with Rafe with everything else that happened, but Matthias needed Rafe’s help to train her.
He should have listened.
Rafe wasn’t as powerful in all the ways he was, but he was more powerful in some ways. He also had specialized knowledge and skills, extreme, exacting control of his powers, and could help train Taz to protect herself, teach her to hold and fine-tune her mental barriers in ways he himself could not.
Then to immediately sense Rafe’s attraction to her, and hers to him, it didn’t surprise him. Especially considering what he’d felt for Cassandra so many centuries past. Matthias didn’t begrudge it. He knew Rafe would never hurt Taz or betray him. It all happened so fast, and then…
And then Rafe was dead.
Whoever hired Caroline would pay. He wanted to kill them with his bare hands, extract revenge for the pain they’d put Taz through, and for taking his cousin from him. Maybe something would have eventually happened between Rafe and Taz, but better that than to have the man he loved as a brother dead, and the woman they both loved in danger and almost killed.
An hour later, Matthias brought up another subject hanging in the air. “If you’re stressed over planning a wedding, don’t worry. We’ll take this as slowly as you wish. I wanted to make sure you knew how I felt, that I didn’t do something stupid to screw up what we’ve got.”
“Or me do something else stupid like getting shot by a demon again?”
He started to reply, spotted the smile on her face, and laughed. “God, you are a ball buster.”
“Sarcasm is just one of my many services. Wasn’t that listed on my résumé?”
“I think Albert overlooked that.”
“You’ll have several hundred years to listen to me hone my rapier-edged wit.”
“Rapiers are pointed, dear.”
“So’s my sarcasm.”
He looked at her, laughed, and took her hand again. “God, I love you. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
“That scares me, I think. Are you a masochist?”
He grinned, and she felt herself wanting him. “No, but I would gladly play dungeons with you.”
“I think that’s called Dungeons & Dragons, Matthias.”
“Not the way I play it.”
It was her turn to laugh. He dealt it as good as she did.
Matthias’ heart leapt at the sound of her laughter. It was good to hear that, to see her genuinely smile again. He knew she would eventually be okay, but it pained him to see her suffer.
She was truly his equal, his match. Dare he say his superior? This was one of the many reasons why he loved her. She wouldn’t give up her personality to mold herself to someone else’s ideal. People had to take her as she gave herself. You liked it or walked away.
He loved her for it. She reminded him so much of…
Best not revisit that now. He was young, then. Impulsive. Sarah had truly been unique.
God, he missed her.
The ache he’d constantly and persistently felt since Sarah’s death had finally abated. He’d felt it lift when Tim first showed him Taz’s picture, then nearly totally disappear when he was able to finally set eyes on Taz in person that night at dinner at his house, when he extended the job offer. God, barely three months ago? He knew then Taz was the one, and didn’t regret his decision to wait for her all those years. Ten long years, from when she graduated law school until Tim felt her ready to move on to the next phase of her life.
Carla took it hard, of course, when he broke up with her. He’d been looking for an excuse to dump that woman for decades. Fortunately, she was much weaker than him and wasn’t able to exact any of the revenge she took great pleasure in describing to him. He hadn’t talked to her in several years. Last he heard, she was terrorizing eligible bachelors along the French Riviera.
Taz studied her hands. “This sounds stupid, I know, but you’re right that we need to get to know each other. Not that I want to change anything,” she quickly added. “I love you. I guess I’m still worried that maybe you only love me because of the stupid vampire voodoo crap.”
He kissed her hand. “Taz, I love you because of you, because I love you, not because I feel compelled to love you. This isn’t the right time to have this discussion. I’d rather do it at home.”
She nodded. He was right, this wasn’t the time. But still…
“Can we do something when we get home?”
“Anything you wish.”
“I want to go out.”
“Where?”
She shrugged. “Surprise me. We’ve never been on a date, Matthias. Not really. We just kind of fell together and that’s it.”