Albert hesitated for a moment before realizing she wasn’t volunteering any information, and left the room. After finishing her meal, she took it upstairs to their bedroom. Matthias was in the bathroom. Taz hid the box in a drawer. She didn’t want Matthias to see it. Not that it mattered, she supposed, because eventually he’d see her wearing it, but there were some things she needed to do privately to deal with her grief.
It was so late when they returned she didn’t ask about Rafe’s ashes. But when she walked through the living room, she spotted the urn sitting on the mantel. How she’d missed it earlier was a mystery.
She walked over to it, touched it, and closed her eyes.
I won’t cry. I will not cry.
She finally took her shower.
The Mustang needed another oil change. Thumbing through the phone book, Taz found a local oil change place that could fit her in.
“Don’t do that, goddammit! Do it yourself.”
She closed her eyes, willing the voice to shut up. She didn’t feel like changing the oil. Besides, she didn’t have any tools.
“You’ve got my tools.”
This was too much. The voice was gaining strength and clarity in her brain. Beating herself unconscious with the phone book was a tempting option.
Albert chose that moment to walk in, looking slightly uncomfortable. “Taz, can I talk to you for a moment?”
She sat up. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I need to show you something.” She followed him out to the separate garage where he opened one of the bays. Everything from Rafe’s garage was there, arranged as it had been at the condo. Even cabinets from the wall were hung in nearly the same places. “I had the movers take detailed pictures and measurements before they brought everything down so we could arrange it as closely as possible. Matthias said you’d want it.”
She felt her tears fall and threw her arms around Albert. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He hugged her back. “It’s quite all right, love.” He kept his arm around her. “Rafe was, as I’m sure you guessed, quite fond of his cars. He loved working on Matthias’ Mustang. He’s the one who took care of yours, too, before Matthias gave it to you. Rafe came down several times a month. When he was here, he would check it out, start it, drive it for a few minutes to make sure it was running fine, did the oil changes.”
Her tears fell and she didn’t care. Rafe took care of her car? Yet another reason to cherish it beyond the fact that it once belong to her father.
“Why doesn’t Matthias like to work on cars?”
Albert shrugged. “He’s handy. He can, but he doesn’t enjoy it the way Rafe did. I remember when cars first came out.” He looked at Taz and laughed. “Oh God, that sounds horrible, doesn’t it?”
She smiled. “Go ahead.”
“Rafael loved horseless carriages. He was positively fascinated by them. I’m sure a psychiatrist would say he transferred his energy into his cars to avoid relationships. Maybe that’s true. I remember a period several decades ago where he didn’t date at all for a couple of years, too interested in learning about cars and working on them. Eventually he settled down, and when he’d get a car he’d, well, as you see from his Mustang, bigger, better, faster.”
“He was a racer?”
“Not really, surprisingly. Like you, he enjoyed going fast on the interstate. I think one reason he loved coming to visit was because it afforded him time to be alone in the car on the highway with his foot to the floor for hours on end.”
“I can understand that.” She did her best thinking in the car.
“Bastard’s not so bad after all.”
Taz stiffened. That snippet from her phantom voice sounded the clearest since Yellowstone.
She realized she had to know. “Albert, what was going on between you and Rafe?”
Albert’s turn to tense. He pulled away from her. “We had our differences of opinion over the years. It’s not that we didn’t like each other—”
“Bullshit!” snorted the phantom voice.
“—but we tended to butt heads from time to time. Personality differences.”
“Why?”
Albert met her eyes. She felt his mental barrier strengthen. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Taz. Truly.” She would never force him to tell, and he knew it.
“Okay.” She needed to lighten the subject. “I need to get the oil changed in the GT—”
“Goddammit, Taz, do it yourself!”
“—but do you know a good place to have it done?” She hoped she didn’t wince when the voice chimed in. Fuck, that would drive her over the edge if nothing else did.
Albert eyed her carefully. “Are you all right, dear? You look a little peaked.”
“I’m tired.”
Her dad walked up, looked inside the garage, and nodded. “I’m sure he would have approved.”
Taz gritted her teeth, preparing for another onslaught from the phantom voice. “I need to get the oil changed—”
“No, listen to me—”
Tim patted her on the back. “I’ll do it for you, sweetheart.”
The voice shut up. The sudden silence startled her, almost as deafening as the voice.
She blinked in surprise. “Really?”
“Of course. I don’t mind. Rafe never let a shop touch his cars if he could do it himself. I certainly wouldn’t call myself a mechanic, but I’ve changed the oil enough over the years, I don’t think I’ll bollocks it up.”
No word from the voice, and she took a deep, relieved breath. “Okay. Thanks, Dad.” She hugged him and handed him the keys.
One problem solved. The voice left her alone for the rest of the day.
Chapter Thirteen
Matthias found Tim in the kitchen later that afternoon.
“I think I’m starting to feel human again after that drive.” Tim smiled, and Matthias laughed. “Don’t say it, Tim.”
He shook his head. “She’s a handful. I did warn you.”
“Yes, you did.” Matthias rinsed an apple under the tap and took a bite. “You certainly did, and I love everything about her.”
“Shall I remind you of that in a few years?”
“I wish I could make it up to her. You know this isn’t how I wanted things to happen.”
Tim leaned against the counter. “Quit feeling guilty, Matthias. This wasn’t your fault.” He softened his voice. “You haven’t even had time to grieve for Rafe properly. You need that as much as she does, you know.”
Matthias suddenly lost his appetite. “I don’t want to deal with that right now. I need to help her through this.”
“She’s strong, Matthias. Stronger than you think. The worst is behind her, and we all need to heal and move forward. You cannot deny yourself this.”
“What can I do for her, Tim? How do I make this up to her?”
“Simply show her you love her.”
Taz needed to snack. She walked downstairs and stopped outside the kitchen door when she heard Matthias and her dad talking. She knew it was wrong, but she eavesdropped anyway.
“Tell me how to do that, Tim,” Matthias said. “Tell me how to show her I love her. I thought we’d have years to get to know each other, and now I feel like I’m flying blind.”
Anger and admiration tangled inside her for control. He was pumping her dad for information. That was both sweet and…
Lazy.
“Matthias, she is a very complicated woman in some ways, very simple in others. She wants honesty and straightforwardness in her life. The two of you have many shared interests, you’re well aware of that. I think the best thing is for you to open up and talk with her.”