“That was a mean trick, by the way, putting the note on the order.”
“I’m sorry, baby girl. How about we do it Saturday?”
It didn’t make sense to not have a good radio in the car when he’d gone through the trouble of ordering her one.
“Okay, fine. Saturday.”
She took the box with the radio and components out to the garage and set it on the workbench. She had the place to herself, no worries about interruptions.
“You know, I’ve never done one of these before.”
“It’s easy, Taz. Just listen to me and do what I say. Or if you want, let me do it.”
That was tempting. Just sit back and let him have control and zone out for a while.
Maybe too tempting.
“Okay.” She sighed. “I’ll do it.”
She didn’t want to talk, she wanted to listen, to let him be there and be real and not be dead.
Not as dead, anyway.
“Disconnect the battery first.”
She followed his instructions. Thirty minutes later, she had the old radio out of the dash.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“No, that was okay.”
“Now we hook the new one up.”
An hour later she was listening to the radio. She still had to activate the XM part of it, but the MP3 port was working, and it hadn’t been nearly as hard installing the new XM antenna as she thought it would be. Rafael talked her through the entire process, including making sure she taped up the loose wires to his specifications and tucked everything neatly under the dash, secured with wire ties.
“Has to look neat, Taz. Anyone can butcher it.”
She smiled. “Does it meet your approval?”
“You’d still be working on it if it didn’t, baby girl.”
She laughed, sitting back in the seat, hands on the wheel. It felt good to do something like that. She wasn’t an expert in electronics by any stretch of the imagination. Having Rafael guiding her felt right, somehow. She closed her eyes, envisioning his face without going to their mental room. It was too tempting to spend her life curled up there with him, isolated from everyone. She knew she couldn’t do that, no matter how much she wanted it.
“You need to spend time with Matts.”
“I know.”
“He misses you.”
She felt the tears, but didn’t want to cry anymore. How many more tears would she shed over her lost life, her new life, the loss of Rafe? “I know.”
“I’m with you all the time. You can’t shut him out of your life anymore. He’ll wait for you forever, yes, but it’s cruel to keep him hanging like this. If you can’t reconnect with him, you need to let him go.”
That thought filled her with horror. “I love him.”
“Then show him, Taz. Tell him. Let him back in. You won’t hurt him, I promise. You love him too much to ever hurt him with your powers.” Rafe paused. “He’s your fiancé. You love him, I know you do. I can’t be jealous over you making love to him. You need to let him back into your life.”
She went to the mental room and curled up in Rafe’s lap, his arms around her, and cried.
“Taz, baby, I love you, you know I do. I won’t lie and say I’m happy things are the way they are. But I am dead. I don’t have a body. You’re alive. You need a man who can love you who is alive.”
She started to think something, and he put a finger to her lips. “No. Don’t think that,” he whispered. He’d never admit that he’d had the same thought, of trying to find a way into Matthias’ mind. That wasn’t fair to his cousin. Matthias still had a life to live, and to take it away from him would make him no better than Caroline.
Rafael regretted making love to Taz, knowing she was now bonded to him in a way she wasn’t before. It would make it harder for her to say good-bye when the time came. It would also make it harder for her to reconnect with Matthias.
“You need to love him, Taz.”
“I’m afraid he’ll find you’re there.”
He held her. “Quit feeling guilty.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“No, not easy for me to say. I’ve known Matthias for hundreds of years, and if anyone should feel guilty, it’s me. I’m taking you from him, and he deserves better than that from me after all we’ve been through.”
“I can’t let him find out you’re here, Rafe. He might make me get rid of you.”
“Do you really think he can? Taz baby, you’re—”
“Don’t say it! God, I’m so sick of people saying that!”
“Well, you are. The strongest.” Rafe kissed the top of her head. “Love him, Taz. Let him make love to you. I know you love him, his blood runs through you. We never had that. Quit feeling guilty and love him. And quit worrying about me, I’ll take care of that. He won’t find me, won’t even know I’m here. I promise.”
“I feel like you’re giving me permission to cheat on you.”
He laughed. “We’re the ones cheating.” He held her left hand, the one with Matthias’ ring. “He wants to marry you. What can I give you besides some really good wet dreams and snappy conversation? Let’s face it, no matter what it feels like, you need a real, warm body in your bed.”
“But you’re alive.”
“No, I’m not.” He forced her to meet his eyes. “I’m not alive, and you know it.” He studied her face before speaking again. “Taz, baby,” he whispered, “love him. Love Matthias.”
“I want to love you.”
“You do love me, I know you do. I’ll always love you, too, but you must let Matthias back in because you love him. He is your future. You met him, loved him first. I’m your past.”
“I feel like I’ve always loved you.”
He hoped she didn’t try to read his thoughts. “Taz, let him love you.” He didn’t want to tell her the truth about her past with Matthias. Or with him. “I know you want him, and it’s okay, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
Taz rested her forehead against the steering wheel. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I have an idea.”
“What?”
Rafael told her, and she smiled, nodding. For once she could pull one over on Matthias, know something about him in advance, surprise him with something just right.
“I like that.”
“Then quit sniffling and get off your beautiful ass and go get cleaned up. He’ll be home soon.” Rafe’s tone belied his words. “Now, go!”
“I’m going, I’m going!”
She ran back to the house and grabbed a quick shower. Rafael had finally stopped the playful, lewd comments during bath time. She threw some things into their overnight bags, grabbed her laptop, then hesitated.
No, no work. Not this trip.
She put it back, ran down to the ’65 Mustang, and threw their bags into the trunk. She made a couple of calls, then smiled as she sent Matthias a text message before pulling out onto Tarpon Springs Road.
Matthias had been tempted to stay home since it was a Saturday, but wasn’t sure he could take yet another day of Taz trying to avoid him. Ever since their return from London she was changed, and not for the better. Despite her vehement denials, he suspected it had something to do with the executions. The irony was that through her impenetrable mental barrier she held against everyone—including him—she did seem somewhat less agitated and more stable than she had before.