Everything felt broken.
Jack also knew what Robert would say to that. What was broken could be mended… usually. He just couldn't help thinking that the scars from today would remain long after the battles were just a memory. That the ramifications might prove tremendous.
Jack exhaled. He didn't have the energy to think about it. His body was crying out for rest, reminding him of every little thing he'd gone through. Like Mary, Mark, Robert and the others — even the castle itself — they needed to heal the physical before anything else.
Then, and only then, could they begin to find their way.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
They'd all lost their way to some extent.
It wasn't until he took a step back from everything that he saw. It had taken so much to go wrong, before it could start to go right again. But then, Spring was here and it was the time for new beginnings.
Robert looked out over the flowers that were blooming near the war memorial. The place they'd buried the dead from the battle with De Falaise, and those who'd died when The Tsar's forces had — briefly — taken the castle. Those who had fallen in the skirmish with the suited man's legions (Robert had since learned his name was Bohuslav) were buried where they'd made their stand against them, once all the detritus had been cleared. Tate had performed a moving service at both sites.
They were still counting the cost, not just in terms of numbers but also morale. Those who were fit enough had been given the task of repairing parts of the castle that had been hit the worst. It had kept them focused on something other than training and fighting, given them a common goal of restoring their home.
Because that's what this place was to them. He'd said it himself over the speaker when they'd arrived back here, commandeering The Tsar's own vehicle to take the place back (he'd used it reluctantly, conceding that Bill was right and they had no choice on this occasion; they needed to get Mary back to the castle quickly and safely).
For the first time, he'd actually meant it. This was where he belonged, at least for now.
That didn't mean he was abandoning Sherwood — his other home. For one thing he was continuing Mark's training there. The young man had certainly faced his fears: faced Tanek, and taken his first steps towards becoming the person he was destined to be. And Robert would always need to return, in spite of what Mary had once told him about not belonging there. She understood a little more about that now, the more she saw of the place — after experiencing its strange effects herself when she was so close to death. Plus Robert would always carry a little bit of the wilderness inside him, he couldn't escape it. Now he knew that the dreams would come wherever he was. He just had to let them.
Relationships were being renewed, re-forged. From here Robert spotted Mark walking with Sophie, holding hands. Things had definitely changed between them since returning. It looked liked they'd finally worked things out with Dale, who seemed to have backed off to give them space. Mark had told Robert there'd been a conversation or two — between Dale and Sophie, Sophie and Mark — but he hadn't asked for details. He'd just been pleased that his adopted son was happy. Meanwhile, Sophie herself had turned out to be a pretty good nurse, with Mary's instruction and hours of dipping into text books on the subject. She'd definitely helped to patch them all back together when things had calmed down. Sophie said she'd always had an interest in medicine and now that Lucy was gone…
Poor Lucy. It hurt Robert to even think about her with the others near that memorial.
Bill, though he had things to attend to first with his market network, had agreed to come back and help with the general day-to-day running of the Rangers. He claimed Robert needed someone to "keep a bloody eye on him". This would allow The Hooded Man to go on more patrols, to be out there where he should be. "I still think ye should be armin' them lads properly," he'd said, Bill being Bill. But for now he seemed to have dropped the subject. For one thing he was busy fixing up one of the Black Shark attack helicopters they'd retrieved near Doncaster. "Look at that beauty," he'd practically drooled. "It'll be protection for the castle while you get your other defences up and running again…" Robert was too tired and too preoccupied to argue with him this time.
Bill would be helped by Tate, who'd moved back permanently. Robert felt the most sorry for him. They'd both gone out to New Hope, after hearing that Gwen and Clive Jr were alive and safe, that they'd somehow escaped on their own. But Robert and Tate had been prevented from entering the village by the armed guards at the entrance. After Tate told them they weren't moving until they saw Gwen, the woman had reluctantly appeared. At first she wouldn't even look at the Reverend, even after he apologised. Then, when she did, she told him:
"I never want to see you again. Don't come here any more."
Robert saw how much the words upset Tate — he'd only been doing what he thought best. The Reverend never spoke all the way home.
But even he hadn't moped as much as Jack. Robert's second had taken both Adele's betrayal and his own — he called it that no matter what Robert said — to heart. Or maybe it had been the torture; sometimes he woke the whole castle up at night with his bad dreams. Perhaps Robert's forthcoming wedding would take his mind off things. Who knows, maybe Jack would even meet someone from the neighbouring villages at that, because — like last year's summer fete — they'd invited all the people under The Hooded Man's protection.
Robert recalled now those agonising days waiting by Mary's bedside, with Sophie telling him he should still be recuperating himself.
"I need to be here," he insisted, and she'd left it at that.
Robert held Mary's hand and was there when her eyelids finally fluttered open, a smile breaking on her bruised, but lovely face. "Hey…" she'd croaked.
"Hey yourself."
"Did… did we make it? Back, I mean. What happened… with…"
"Sshh, shh." He stroked her hair, then kissed her forehead. "Everything's okay. We're at the castle. The Tsar's dead. Mark, Sophie, Jack, the Reverend, Bill, they're all…" He paused, but said it anyway. "They're all fine."
Mary nodded, then winced. "I feel dreadful."
"Well, you look beautiful."
"Liar," she said, laughing, then wincing again. "How about Tanek… and Adele?"
Robert shrugged. "Tanek I don't know. Adele you shot."
"Good old Dad, all those hours hitting tin cans were definitely not wasted. Yay me. Did you find the other Peacekeeper, by the way? In the caves?"
Robert nodded. "I know how much they mean to you, even though I don't technically approve. But yes, you have a pair again, now." He was skirting round what he really wanted to say, so he just got on with it. "Look, this probably isn't the right time or place, but, well, I've been thinking."
"That's dangerous," she said.
She must be feeling better. "I almost lost you, and I'm not sure if I could go through something like that…" Robert let the end of that sentence float away. "Mary, I guess what I'm trying to say is-"
"The answer's yes, you know. It always was." She smiled back at him. "You looked like you needed helping out."
And that had been that. They'd set a date over the summer, a special one that marked the anniversary of becoming a proper couple, and asked Tate if he'd perform the ceremony. His answer had been: "Nothing would give me greater pleasure." Now, if this quiet period would just hold out till then.
They'd had no more reports of invasions, nothing about the Morningstars — it was as if they'd vanished, just as they did from the castle — no trouble yet from those prisoners that had got away, and that was how Robert hoped it would remain for the time being.