My custody? Relief shoots through my veins.
An officer approaches me. “Has your attorney explained our agreement?”
“Yes, he has.”
“You can go on in. Ten minutes. And then we’re coming in.”
Len and I are guided to the house. I go to the wall panel and hit the series of codes needed to get through the front entry. How the fuck did Kaley know them?
I step into the foyer and close the door behind me. I stare and try to compose myself. But it’s fucking hard. Everywhere I look, everything is broken. Smashed. She has smashed her way through my house. I start stepping over debris, not sure where to start searching for her.
“This is fucking out of control,” I whisper, overwhelmed. “Why would she do this? I don’t understand.”
Len pats me on the shoulder. He turns his phone toward me and points at the screen. “That’s your bedroom, right?”
I glance at the screen. My heart clenches. Kaley is sitting on the floor crying with an aluminum bat lying beside her. How she looks tears me apart. I can’t breathe. It’s that leveling of a thing.
I scan the room.
What is happening here?
I go down the hallway.
My heartbeat continues to escalate. It’s painful now. I need to talk to her, but something inside me is screaming that I don’t want to do this. Out of nowhere. A sense of impending…fuck, I don’t even know what to label it.
I stop in the bedroom doorway, silent, and take a moment to scan the scene. Zoe Kennedy and Bobby are sitting on the floor, backs against the wall, looking as overwhelmed as I feel. But Kaley looks almost calm now.
Bobby looks at me and then springs to his feet.
“Shut everything off,” I order harshly. “Cut the feed. Turn off the cameras. And get out of here. Both of you.”
Kaley jumps to her feet and runs to him. “Bobby, no. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me here alone with him.”
He pulls her against him in a firm hug, kisses her forehead and holds her face in his hands. “It will be all right, Kaley. This is what you wanted. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right outside the door. But you need to do this with him alone.”
You need to do this with him alone?
I start reading the walls as I wait for everyone except Kaley to clear the room.
A few minutes later we’re alone.
“You’ve got my attention, Kaley. Talk to me. Why would you do something like this?”
“You can’t even look at me,” she hisses. “Maybe if you could look at me, really see me, you’d already know and I wouldn’t have to tell you. Goddamn it, look at me.”
I stare at her. My life and hers are spinning out of control, about to collide into a truth I’ve always known without knowing, not clear in my head, something in me unable or unwilling to believe Chrissie could do something like this. But it is pounding at the edges of my subconscious, impossible to shut off, a vague awareness of what’s going to happen next and a desperation not to let it.
“I’m looking at you. This is not the way you deal with things, Kaley. You didn’t need to do this to talk to me. I will always listen. I’m always there for you. You didn’t need to do any of this. Say whatever it is that you got me here to tell me.”
Oh fuck. The way she’s staring at me.
“How would you know if I needed to deal with it this way or not?” she screams. “You don’t know what it is like to be me. I’ve tried to talk to you. You can’t hear me. Not ever. But I’m not letting you wall me out any longer. I can’t. It was almost survivable when I thought it was only me. But to find out—”
She breaks off. She looks wounded and tormented, and like a frightened animal, vulnerable and painfully so.
“Survivable? What was almost survivable?”
But I know. I already know.
Black eyes lock on black—black, not brown, you fucking idiot—black hair, black eyes, olive skin, tall and long-limbed body. The shape of her mouth. Her cheek bones. Her brow…
“You don’t get to pick the kids you want,” she says on choking sobs. “Kids are not disposable items. Why Khloe but deny me? You make me hate her and I don’t want to because I love her. But fuck, you are my father. What kind of man are you? What kind of man can do this?”
She throws something into my face. What the fuck is this? A medical report? Five samples. Two headings. Maternal. Paternal.
Oh God.
No.
My legs give way. I sink down onto the floor. “What is this?”
Kaley sniffs back tears. “You wouldn’t do the test for me so I bought a kinship DNA test. It’s designed to test siblings. I figured I’d match me to Khloe and have the truth since she’s the only kid you haven’t denied.”
This can’t be right.
It must be a lab error.
“Who is sample one?” I ask, stunned.
“Khloe,” Kaley snaps sharply. “Sample two is me. Sample three is Krystal. And sample four and five are Ethan and Eric. 99.97 percent confirmed we are not half siblings. We’re all full siblings. We all know who our mother is, but you being all our dads is a bit much to take in a single day, don’t you think, Daddy? Now tell me I’ve overreacted here today.”
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck.
No wonder the girl looks deranged.
How could Chrissie do this?
I shut down the thought of Chrissie. I can’t go there. Not now. Not before I’m through everything here to cope with.
“Just explain to me why,” Kaley begs. “It’s driving me crazy. Why did you lie to all of us? Or was it Mom? Did she lie to you? Is that it? I can’t take not knowing which one of you to hate another minute more.”
“I didn’t know,” I say before I can stop myself, and even through my fury over this, my conscience rebels and some remnant of me wants to still protect Chrissie through this.
“How could you not know? Explain it to me.”
I sit with my back against the wall. I can’t look into Kaley’s eyes any longer. I set my elbows on my knees and drop my head into my hands. I need to say something, but I can’t form a single useful thought.
How do I explain the unexplainable?
How can I still have a shred of concern for Chrissie in this?
She did this.
Fuck, have I ever truly known her?
I couldn’t imagine this.
It’s beyond imagining.
Oh fuck, I’ve always suspected. That’s a truth I can’t deny any longer.
Did I love her so much that I lied to myself for her?
Damn her.
I feel a heavy stare on me and I lift my face. Kaley. Waiting. Expectant. In pain. My daughter. What the fuck am I doing here thinking about Chrissie?
I hear footsteps from the hallway. Fuck, has it been ten minutes already? I shove the paper into my pocket.
I spring to my feet and rush to her, crouching down until we’re at eye level. “Kaley, we’ll talk as long as you want to, I’ll answer anything that you ask me, sweetheart, but the cops are coming in. Don’t say anything. My attorney is with them. We need to finish with the police and then we will work on you and me. I promise. Do you understand?”
I reach out for her, but she twists away and jumps to her feet. The officers are in the room. They are already taking her away.
No, no, no.
Len stops me from going after them.
“They’re just going to talk to her. That’s all. Don’t blow this now. The attorney is with her. Let him handle this, Manny.”
I go into the hallway. Where have they taken her? I’m stopped outside the living area by an officer. Fuck, there she is.
“Do you understand what this is?” an officer asks.
Kaley doesn’t look at him. She nods.
“We are releasing you to your father. This is a six-month probation. You do what he tells you to do. If you don’t he’s agreed to call the district attorney. You’ll be arrested and charged.”
Oh fuck—releasing you to your father. This is a six-month probation. You do what he tells you to do—I’ve heard this before. The hospital. Chicago. Long ago.