Sydney, Australia, three days later
I step into the sitting room. Ah, Mrs. Barton’s educational hour. Every kid has a pencil in hand and homework packet in front of them on the table. Nanny from hell sitting in a chair, staring at them. Contention vibe pulsing in the air. Brilliant, hopefully they are all too focused on other things to ask any questions.
I nervously check my watch. My pulse accelerates. It’s time to go. Shit, I’m breathless. I don’t even know if this is going to go well and she makes me breathless.
I stop at the table. “We all good here?”
The kids look up.
Kaley glares.
Krystal frowns. “Where are you going?”
I drop a kiss on the tops of the boys’ heads and then one on hers. “I have something I’ve got to do. A last-minute schedule change. Don’t wait up. I’m going to be late.”
Kaley’s eyes narrow.
I smile and turn to Mrs. Barton. “Things might run long. You probably shouldn’t expect me until after morning. Don’t go anywhere with the children. I want them in the room until I get back.”
I can feel Kaley’s stare. OK, that was mean. She’s old enough to read lots of bad thoughts about me into those sentences.
I shouldn’t have done that.
I should probably relent.
No, that would be a fucking disaster.
I’d ruin my date.
Oh well, they’ll figure it out in about five minutes all on their own when Lourdes steps through the door with Khloe, but by then I’ll be out of here without any of them latching onto me and demanding to go see their mother.
Ding. I look at my phone. A smile I can’t bite back surfaces.
I click off my phone and walk to the door.
I open it. “No fighting. No calling. No texting. Nothing. I don’t want to hear from any of you unless it’s a real emergency.”
Kaley’s black eyes simmer.
I meet her stare for stare.
Not explaining.
Not tonight.
I want out the door without them.
Fuck, I feel good. Nervous. A little scared. That thrill of anticipation. Oh, definitely— I cut off that thought. The kids are staring at me.
“Good night,” I say and hurry into the hallway.
Free at last.
I look at Trey. “Is she here yet?”
He holds the elevator door open for me. “About five minutes ago.”
My pulse jumps. My dick does a nice little twitch. As we ride one floor below, I stand back against the mirrored walls, breathing in and out slowly. I need to have iron emotional control. I can’t let her knock me off my feet. I can’t let her spin me with nonsensical drivel. I need to go only in the direction I am able and only as far as I feel capable of.
I can’t let it spin out of control.
Not now.
Not before we make it through this.
I don’t want to fuck up the forward motion.
Not now.
I step off the elevator and Trey escorts me to a corner suite. He slips in the card and opens the door.
“Wait here,” I tell him.
I step into the room.
I look around. Fuck, my pulse is jumping from adrenaline shooting through my veins.
Where is she?
I thought she was here.
Why does everything with Chrissie come with at least one dose of nerve stretching?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I want to see her.
I want to know what it will feel like.
I need to know.
“What would be particularly foolish right now would be to remark on anything that’s happened and anything unkind we’ve said since we both know that neither of us intended any of that.”
I whirl to find Chrissie standing in the adjoining bedroom doorway.
The way those gorgeous blue eyes look at me takes my breath away.
“So let’s keep this simple, Alan. I’m here. You’re here and I love you.”
I stare at her.
My thoughts drift back through my life: to the painful parts, to the parts I did badly, to the parts where I loved and to the parts where I lost. There is finally calm in me for all that she’s done—and all that I’ve done. I regret none of it. I wouldn’t change a single part. I don’t know which part made me the man standing here with Chrissie at this moment. All the parts of my past have brought me to her, to this, to who I am now, and to this next chapter of loving her yet to be known.
Simple.
She’s right.
All we have to do is both step into the now.
“I love you, Chrissie.”
“I know, Alan, and I’ve been waiting for you.”
* * *
I lie in bed with Chrissie tucked into my side, her limbs draped across me, my arms around her, physically drained and emotionally full.
With my fingers I lightly stroke her spine and I feel her cheek start to brush lightly against my chest.
She laughs. “Last night was amazing, but we should probably go.”
I tighten my arms. “No, not ready yet.”
She kisses my chest and settles back against me.
We’ve not talked about anything. Not the things that have happened, but it doesn’t feel swept under the carpet, waiting for us, like it used to.
It feels swept away.
Irrelevant.
I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just because that’s how we want it to be. I shouldn’t ask. But this one I need to know.
I kiss her head. “Do you remember my party in New York?”
She doesn’t look up. She nods, her chin moving against me and the softness of her skin teasing my flesh.
“The reason you came. Was it to tell me about the girls being my daughters?”
She lifts her chin. Her eyes meet mine directly. She nods. I lightly caress her cheek.
“Why didn’t you?”
She gnaws her lower lip in that way she has when she’s searching for words. “It was clear in my head when I left California. But when I saw you everything inside me scattered like it always does. I wanted to tell you and I couldn’t. I wanted you and I couldn’t have you. Once I saw you I wasn’t sure I could fix what I’d done and not lose you and I wasn’t willing to risk it. I love you so much it makes me afraid that I’ll lose you.”
She settles back against me.
Why, Alan, does everyone I love leave me?
“Oh, baby, there is nothing you could do to make me leave you.”
Jack’s right. The answers are always simple if you let them be. I get it. No more questions. Let it rest, Alan. It doesn’t matter. You love her.
Out of nowhere, laughter bubbles upward. I try to fight it, but it pushes out stronger.
Chrissie’s face snaps up. “What?”
I can’t stop laughing.
Fuck, she’s going to get pissed if I say it.
Why does she have to stare at me with those eyes all confused and expectant?
I can’t look at her.
I close my lids.
Nope, not helping. The chuckles come louder. I can’t stop it.
“You came…to New York—” I choke out. “—to fix a problem…and you left creating two new ones. That’s so you, Chrissie.”
Oh fuck, I’m laughing like a madman. She’s going to be beyond pissed. She pulls from my arms and hits me with a pillow.
“That was mean, Alan.”
I laugh harder.
She hits me again.
“Stop laughing. It’s not funny,” she chides.
Good, she’s laughing, too. I spring up, grab her around the waist and lower her to the bed beneath me. I cover her mouth with mine, swallowing her humor, and fuck, I’m fully hard and pulsing again.
I start roaming her body with my kisses. My hands travel, lightly brushing her flesh. Her laughter melts down.
“Do you want to create more problems?”
Her eyes fly wide.
Exactly.
Too late now.
Whatever happens, happens.
I didn’t bring rubbers.
Neither did she.
I’m not cut. And I’m pretty certain birth control is still beyond manageable for Chrissie.