“I couldn’t stand seeing you leave with him,” Bryn practically growled, his voice so low I barely recognized it. “I had to fight everything in me to not come after you.” His chest was heaving as he tried to keep himself calm. “You’re mine. I won’t share you.”
“It’s not real Bryn. You know that, I’m yours—all yours.”
He stared at me a few more seconds, his eyes raging with so many dark emotions. “It felt real, Peej—so real. It felt like I was losing you to him.”
I reached up and cupped his face, feeling his jaw tick with tension. “I’m here now. And I’m yours. Always.”
He caught my lips with his, taking my mouth forcefully, dominating me like he never had before. I welcomed the feel of his jealousy turning into passion as he explored me with his tongue and mouth. Our clothes began falling away, and soon we were both left in just our underwear. Usually this was the point where Bryn and I stopped. We hadn’t gone much farther than heavy petting and neither one of us had been completely naked in front of the other. Our physical relationship was just so new that we were both in awe of the simple things, like kissing and touching, but tonight—tonight Bryn didn’t show any signs of stopping. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to protest. I’d wanted to give my virginity to him since the first night in the woods. He was the one who didn’t feel like it was the right time or place; he was the one who felt I needed more for my first time. Even though all I really needed or wanted was him—that’s all I’d ever need.
“I need you, Peej,” Bryn rumbled as his fingers deftly dipped down under my panties. I moaned as his long fingers explored areas where no boy had ever gone before.
“Yes,” I gasped into his mouth. Bryn made quick work of getting my bra and panties off, lifting me up and setting me down on his bed. He joined me there, but not before sitting back to study me in all my naked glory. I fidgeted under his rapt gaze. “Bryn,” I pleaded reaching for him. It was one thing to be naked with Bryn while we were kissing and touching but I didn’t like him studying me while I just laid on his bed stark naked.
“You’re so beautiful,” Bryn whispered in reverence. He then came to rest over me, his pelvis cradled in between my legs. I attempted to swallow back my nerves as it really sunk in that Bryn and I were going to have sex. I locked gazes with him and his sea storm eyes pulled me under, washing away all my trepidations. “You still taking the pill?” Bryn asked huskily.
Reality check. “Yeah.” My mom would be absolutely furious if she knew I was using the pill for its intended purpose and not just to regulate my period. Especially if she found out I was using it with Bryn on the heels of a date with someone she had set me up with. “What about your parents—”
“Not here,” Bryn said as he dipped his head delivering me with more kisses before pulling away again. “You ready? I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“Yeah, I’m ready,” I whispered, looking deep into his dark blue eyes. The way he looked at me in that moment, the love that emanated from him made me feel like the most beautiful and special girl in the entire world. Someone who looked at me like that deserved to have everything that I was, mind, body, and soul. So far he’d only received two of those three. Tonight he would have everything.
As he pushed into me, filling me in a way I’d never been able to imagine, I tried to mentally prepare myself for the pain. From all accounts, the first time for a girl was almost always painful, and I thought I was ready, but no amount of mental preparation could have readied me for the level of pain I was currently experiencing. I gritted my teeth and dug my nails into Bryn’s shoulders, not wanting him to know how much it really hurt. But it was short lived, the pain I mean, and slowly, ever so slowly, as Bryn rocked back and forth inside of me, the pain began to be replaced by pleasure. A deep-seated pleasure that made me truly understand for the first time why people like Jenna were so sex crazed.
My entire world narrowed down to Bryn and me, and I could no longer tell where I ended and he began. Surely there was nothing closer to bliss than being in the arms of the man I loved, and sharing such intimacy with him. A feeling of warmth bloomed in my center, pushing outward into spasms of ecstasy. Bryn captured my face in his palms, forcing me to look at him instead of throwing my head back like I wanted. He didn’t last too much longer after that, and I slumped down in his bed feeling completely boneless. Never, ever had I imagined sex would be so wonderful, or maybe it was just that way with Bryn.
I smiled up at him as he collapsed above me, careful not to put his full body weight on me. I ran my hands through his silky tasseled hair, and then down over his sweaty back.
He shuddered at my touch, leaning forward to kiss me with a slow languidness that spoke of shared intimacies, and unspoken promises. “I love you, Peej. More than I can even begin to explain.” His voice was so low and husky it seemed to brush things on my insides, making me shudder in turn.
I gazed up into his eyes with adoration. “I love you too,” I whispered, surprised at how husky my own voice sounded. I wished I could stay in his arms forever, forgetting about the outside world and all the problems it contained. But our love wouldn’t be enough to protect us from our parent’s wrath if they found us like this.
I must have frowned because Bryn’s brow furrowed as he looked at me. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”
“No, Bryn.” I bit my lower lip thinking about what we’d just done. “You made my first time more amazing than I ever could have imagined.” He grinned at me, a look of pure male pride washing over his features. “I just wish I could stay here with you and not worry about everything else.”
He rolled onto his back tucking me into his side so my head rested on his chest. “I hate this, Peej. I just wanna be with you. I wanna be able to touch when I want, to kiss you when I want. I wanna yell from the roof tops that you’re mine.” He pulled his fingers through my hair. “I don’t wanna have to watch you go out on dates with other guys.” I felt his fist ball up in my hair.
“It wasn’t so bad tonight, was it? I mean, yeah, it sucked that I had to go on that date, but”—I lifted my head so I could look in his eyes—“look at where we ended up.”
He frowned at me. “I’m sorry, Peej. I really wanted your first time to be more special, not in my bedroom because I was crazy with jealously over some guy that you’re not even really dating. I just—”
“Shhh . . .” I brought my index finger up to his lips. “I’m glad it happened. I wanna give everything that I am to you, Bryn. The rest doesn’t matter. Tonight was the best night of my life so far because I just shared something with you that I’ve never shared with anyone else. You own me now—heart, soul . . . and body.”
“You own me too, Peej. Everything that I have—that I am—belongs to you and only you. Always.” His lips sought mine out and our kisses began to become more fevered again.
Then my dream shifted to another night that held a first for me, but of a much different kind. It was the night that I was first been with Khol . . . so really my dream shifted to a nightmare.