“No,” he said as his jaw turned to stone. “It’s not like that. I don’t want her. You know you’re the only one for me.” He locked gazes with me and I felt my anger fold up into itself. Maybe I just wanted an explanation that I could get angry at, and a reason to hate Bryn for leaving me, because surely he couldn’t just walk away if he still felt the same way as he did before about me.
“Then, why?” I asked while searching his face. “No one ever said it would be easy, no one ever said—”
“No one ever said it would kill you.”
I crawled toward him on my knees across the bed, stopping just short of touching him. “None of that is your fault, but if you leave me”—I reached up and caressed his face; his eyes slid shut on contact—“that will be your fault. And that will be what kills me.”
I felt his jaw tick with tension under my palm just before he pulled away; leaving me to feel the cold emptiness, the loss of his skin from under my hand offered me. “I’ve made up my mind and nothing you can do or say will change it.” He turned and walked toward the door, pausing to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes seemed to hold the weight of the world in them and for the first time ever I found myself wondering if the events of the last year had buried the Bryn from my childhood for good. “A world without you in it isn’t worth living in.” His voice cracked and broke an octave lower. “But a world with you alive and well, even if I can’t have you, is a world worth fighting for.”
My mouth opened and shut a few times, like a fish trying to breathe out of water, but by the time I found my voice, he was already gone. I sank back down on the bed in total shock, the numbness I had been feeling before Bryn had sought me out returning with full force. How could I go on without him? For me, a world where I didn’t get to have him wasn’t worth anything.
“Hey, you need any help getting to the meeting?” I looked up to meet Jeremy’s soulful brown eyes that were currently filled with concern for me.
“I thought you left,” I mumbled as my response.
After only a moment’s pause Jeremy made his way farther into my room. “I did, but I came back to check on you. I was worried.”
I chuckled darkly. “Or you saw an opportunity to swoop in and get me on the rebound from Bryn you mean.”
He frowned and shook his head. “No, it’s not like that anymore. I—well, I finally came to terms that you and me weren’t ever going to happen and I’ve moved on. You were right, maybe I never really loved you . . . just thought I did . . . but—” He looked away and flushed. “I have feelings for someone else now. And I think this is the real thing.” He looked back and gave me a tentative smile. “I’m ready to accept that offer of friendship you offered me before . . . for real this time. Or maybe I should say I can handle being a friend to you now.”
I gave him a smile that threatened to crack my face. “I guess I can’t keep anyone’s interest, can I?” I tried to make a joke but it came out sounding dark and bitter. I gulped, trying to swallow down the sour taste in my mouth. “That’s not what I meant, what I meant was that—” Much to my shame, I burst into tears before I could string together a sentence to salvage what I was really trying to say.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t cry! I know this is tough right now—with everything. I understood what you meant.” He encircled me with his arms and I let him so that I could cry on his shoulder . . . literally. As I sobbed into the soft cotton of his worn t-shirt I heard Jeremy clear his throat as if he wanted to say something to me and felt his muscles move restlessly against my cheek.
I pulled back enough to look at him and sniffled unabashed as his gold-flecked eyes bore into mine. “We should probably get going. I’m sure everyone’s waiting on us by now.”
I used the back of my hand to wipe at the tears on my face and nodded once in affirmation. In the past, I would have wanted a few minutes to try to make myself look somewhat presentable, but not anymore. I felt like crap and didn’t care if the whole world knew I felt that way by way of my appearance. I did stop to pick up one of Bryn’s oversized hoodie sweatshirts off the floor and pulled it over my head. I inhaled deeply and luxuriated in the small comfort his scent offered me. “I guess I’m ready to go,” I mumbled more to myself than Jeremy.
He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me along as I stumbled blindly beside him. We eventually reached our destination . . . the common room . . . and I let Jeremy guide me to a chair and sit me down like I was some kind of invalid, and I guess I kind of was, emotionally speaking, that is. I was vaguely aware of the feeling that all eyes were on me, but I kept mine averted and to the ground for fear of seeing the one pair I couldn’t handle seeing again so soon after their owner had just ripped my heart out . . . again.
“He’s not here,” I heard Khol’s deep voice rumble, breaking the silence in the room. I lifted my head and met his penetrating green gaze with question. “Bryn. I think he’s trying to give you some space.”
My heart twisted inside my chest—that was the last thing I wanted from Bryn—and I hated the fact that Khol still seemed to be able to read my emotions after all this time. “Oh,” was what I managed to choke out as a response. I let my eyes slide back down to the table despite the lack of Bryn’s presence.
“There’s a lot that you missed while you were . . . recovering,” Khol said tactfully. “You need to be informed of the state of things.”
I lifted my shoulders and shrugged. “Sure.”
“We found out why the Riders are trying to kill off animals,” Jenna piped up helpfully. “It was so obvious I can’t believe I didn’t see it right away. It’s because animals can see what people have inside of them. We can use the animals to help us identify the Riders without having to use just you, P.J.” She paused for dramatic effect. “And that’s exactly what we’ve been doing.”
At that I did raise my head to scan the room—not only were Jenna, Khol and Jeremy there, but also Macon, Drake, and a few dragons that I didn’t recognize. Two males with silver hair, and two males with gold hair . . . representatives of the Silver and Gold Dragon factions, I realized. Before I had fallen into the coma, we had received news of each of the factions wishing to enter into talks about the alien Riders, but to see them actually being here was . . . well, kind of shocking. I did note that the Black faction was not being represented, although I saw no real purpose for any of them being present for my so-called catching up meeting. Surprisingly, for the first time since I’d awakened from my coma, I wondered about the circumstances of my shooting. “Who attacked us exactly? I mean I assume it was the Riders but—how did they find us . . . me?”
I could almost hear Khol’s teeth grinding together from across the room. “We don’t know how they found us, or how they managed to get past our security to hunt you down so quickly, but I can assure you nothing like that will be happening again.”