“Yes, excellent. Fantastic.” Winslow’s unimpressed tone didn’t match the exuberance of his words. “What’s Swami Gotcha-by-the-Balls doing here?”
Moses explained the circumstances of Crouse’s donation offer and Barker’s presence. “Alchemy’s turning down the money and taking care of this once and for all. He’ll be here in a minute or two.”
“Too fucking late. Pics and tweets of that two-bit rainmaker and Laluna are spreading across social media.” Winslow pursed his lips, nostrils pulsing, as he clasped Moses’s shoulder with his right hand. “You do remember my warning about associating with Barker?”
Moses removed Winslow’s hand. Ignoring his question, Moses posed one of his own. “By any chance were you subpoenaed by the CAA?”
“No. Why?”
“Alchemy and I were notified that we’re on their hit list.”
“Holy shit. Why wasn’t I told?”
Moses exhaled and tried to slow his rapidly beating heart. “Alchemy decided to wait until he or I could tell you in person. So I’m telling you now.”
“I need a drink.” Winslow strode toward the bar. Moses followed him until Alchemy cut them off. The three of them stepped a few paces down the path leading to Salome’s cottage.
“Alchemy, if I’m to do my job, I must be kept in the loop.”
With equanimity intact, Alchemy informed Winslow of his newest plans. “Okay. There’s no need to get peevish. Here’s what you need to know. I met with a CAA member only yesterday. As a result, I’ve decided to align with the IFC. I’m not going to run for the presidency, but governor, backed by them.” Moses gaped at Alchemy but sensed that he should stay silent. For now.
“You’re joking,” Winslow said.
“Not for a second. I’ve also proposed to talk to the CAA in an open forum.”
“They won’t agree. You don’t know who you’re fucking with.”
“Oh, but I do. I always know who I fuck. And who is fucking me.”
Winslow hesitated. Stepped back. “I’m not sure what you’re implying, but you’re fucking yourself by aligning with the IFC.”
“That’s the way I’m going. If you still want to be involved, I’d like that. If not, no worries. We have to go.”
Alchemy ambled away, Moses by his side. “Why didn’t you consult with me about this governor business?”
“Because it’s bullshit. Winslow or Borden or maybe both is the leak. There is no Miranda Wright. Never was. I planted that with them. He sicced Barker on Laluna.”
“What? Winslow’s playing us with all that noise about Barker? You sure?”
“If the news about the IFC leaks, then yes, one hundred percent. I’ve already sent IFC a private and dated letter — they will get it Tuesday — explaining why, although there is much I support in their platform regarding the climate, the environment, I do not support their ultimate goal. We’ll drop it on our app and Web site. And we need Cherry’s help in digging out who is giving Winslow his marching orders.”
“Is this why you had me sign those papers?”
“Mose, you need to slow down or maybe speed up on the vodka. You look a little peaked.” Alchemy moved closer. “Relax. You can leave now if you want.”
“I think we’ll do that.”
“I’ll explain everything in detail tomorrow. It’s all for the best.” Looking over Moses’s shoulder, Alchemy spotted Crouse and Laluna side by side, clinking their beer bottles as if making a toast. “Call me tonight if you need to.”
Alchemy walked over to Laluna. Moses was scanning the crowd looking for Jay when Barker cut him off. They’d never officially met. “I’m Swami—”
“I know.”
“So you’ll understand my, let’s say, advice. If you’re smart, you’ll reason with Alchemy to stop that restraining order and allow me to see Laluna without his interference.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you’re the good German, and good Germans know when to change sides.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
Moses answered, quietly assured, “I’m smart enough to know that threats and unfounded smears are the weapons of the desperate and the vanquished.”
“I agree.” Barker bowed slightly. “It is not I who made the first threats. As a historian, you’ll also agree that truth is a powerful weapon for the victorious.”
82 MEMOIRS OF A USELESS GOOD-FOR-NUTHIN’
Double or Nothing, 2018
All night I’m stewing. Don’t sleep. I go first to Malibu with Carlotta to the party she’s working. At halftime, I zip down to Topanga. Laluna catches me right away, huddles me away from the crowd. “You Maria or Laluna today?” She enemizes me with the dick-shrinking glare like she done the first day I met her at Kasbah. “Hey, was just joking.”
“You’re going to behave, right?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I get me a beer or three. I go commiserate with Silky ’cause we’re having a problem finding us a lead singer for our tour. Silky says she seen a lady who has chops.
Some young babes snuggle up to me. I’m a dopey dick-for-brains male, only when I’m an article, I am a faithful one-woman guy. Can’t help myself, though, I still charge my rocks with some harmless flirting now and then. I was too antsy to even play.
I find Lux. I tell him I have questions and he best not lie to me.
“Ambitious, I’m hurt.” He’s only being half sarcastic. “I don’t ever lie to you.”
“Did Alchemy and Absurda ever, you know?”
“Christ, man, no. I told you before, NO.”
“That night at the after-party at Madam Rosa’s, when all the shit went down with my brother at the Plaza, before I left with the girls … I seen the two of them outside with his wang dangling and she was squatting down wimping, ‘Thank you …’ That’s when I lost it and, well, ya know.”
“Look, man, it’s years ago, and if they did, they did. Absurda’s gone. Carlotta is terrific. Alchemy’s with Laluna. Let it go. Let … it … go.”
He eyes Laluna talking with Barker and Crouse. “What’s up with that?”
“I seen her yesterday and she’s trying to figure some shit out. She don’t wanna be ‘Laluna’ no more. She and Alchemy, they’re both different but not the same different, ya know what I mean?”
“I hope she figures out to stay away from those guys.”
Laluna waves and wishes a “ta-ta” goodbye to Barker and Crouse. Alchy appears outta nowhere and fucking hugs me. He’s acting strange, too. Tells me he’s so glad I made it, that I’m still his “brother,” and sometime me, him, and Lux should sneak in to see this new Insatiables cover band. I’m nonchalanting like nuthin’s wrong. His eyes is open too wide, them brown pupils is spinning their netherworld dance. I figure something is gestating, and I’m guessing he knows something is up with Laluna. He gets a call he “has” to take. I yell after him, “Bet life was easier bein’ a plain old rock god.” He laughs.
I tell Lux I’ll catch him later ’cause I need to talk to Salome. I’m not ten feet down the path when Laluna races up. “Don’t bother her today.” She says Salome’s been behaving extra biddy-bip, even for her, and they’re moving her to her own place. “We’ll all meet in the studio after everyone clears out. Come by then.” Laluna ain’t her usual unflappable superhip chick self. As pissed as I am, I try to be a good guy. “It’ll work out. Ya know Alchy, he can fix anything. He’ll fix this.”
Most people are only half watching the game. Mrs. Mose is so drunk that Mose has to hold her up as they stumble over to the house. All the shit that’s gone down with them, I’d start drinking, too. Well, drinking even more. I call Carlotta, who don’t answer. Must be working. I leave a message I might be home late. I’d bet five grand on the over/under, so I watch the game with some guys who is also actual football fans. And wait.