Of course, I’ve always had a little trouble with this story. You see, I was very young when Bubbeh was very old. And even though everyone told me that back in the Ukraine, Anna Dukelsky was the greatest beauty in all the Jewish settlements, I had difficulty picturing my sweet, Chiclets-chewing bubbeh as Miss Shtetl of 1895. To me, she was a grandmother with thick-heeled black shoes and false teeth, a woman in a frock who spoke almost no English. Who could have a crush on my grandmother?
In the intervening years between Bubbeh’s death, a week or two before my brother David’s bar mitzvah in 1963, and that fifteenth or sixteenth summer of my life, I had a fair amount of exposure to petty crime of one sort or another. I’d had two bicycles stolen, gotten assaulted for lunch money, had my butt kicked a few times for no good reason by the neighborhood tough guys. I too had broken a few windows, helped myself to a few candy bars, kicked some undeserving ass. I suppose that was just sort of the price of doing business, part of the coming-of-age thing in Brooklyn.
In the ’60s and early ’70s, serious crime, even in Coney Island, was usually experienced at arm’s length. It was something that happened to a friend’s cousin or a friend’s friend. Sure, this guy I sort of knew from junior high, Mark Donchek, had been stabbed through the heart. One Monday morning the principal got on the P.A. and announced to the school that Mark had been murdered, but his death was like an extended absence. He was there on Friday and not on Monday. He might just as well have moved to Valley Stream over the weekend. Like I said, arm’s length. I haven’t thought about Mark Donchek for more than thirty years.
There was this other thing that happened, once. I think about it sometimes to remind myself that arm’s length is a myth, a lie we tell ourselves to feel secure. I tell it to myself when I’m on the road and away from my wife and kids. It helps me sleep.
Anyway, yeah, I was fifteen or sixteen. Like I said, things fade. We still had troops in Vietnam. I was working my second real job; my first with legitimate working papers. The year before I had gotten a job at the Carvel on Coney Island Avenue and Avenue Y by forging stolen working papers. So the next summer, the one I’m talking about now, I was working at Baskin-Robbins on Sheepshead Bay Road. I think I was making a buck seventy-five an hour, but in those days, one hour’s pay would’ve purchased at least three gallons of gas. A pity I wasn’t yet driving.
It was one of those scary gorgeous Brooklyn days when the sky is cloudless and endlessly blue. There was little humidity. A breeze was blowing in off the Atlantic and I could smell the ocean in the air, almost taste the salt on my tongue as I walked up Avenue Z from our tiny garden apartment on Ocean Parkway. I was at the age when a boy begins to notice the beauty in things: in the shape of a woman’s mouth, in the structure of an iris, in the way your father smiles. On most days I rode my bike to work, but that day I walked.
It’s odd now when I think of it, how walking up Avenue Z was like tracing a timeline of my early life. Although I wasn’t born there, Coney Island Hospital loomed large over the neighborhood. I tried not to notice. I hated hospitals. When I was four, my dad was diagnosed with bone cancer. He was in and out of hospitals so much that I thought the revolving door was invented to accommodate him. Next, there was the basement apartment on Z between East 6th and Hubbard Streets. It was the first place I remember. We moved three blocks away to the garden apartment when I was, like, three.
A few blocks up, there was P.S. 209 and the Avenue Z Jewish Center. P.S. 209 was built in the ’20s or ’30s, one of those beige brick behemoths that dotted the landscape of the borough. Unlike today’s user-friendly, welcoming school buildings, 209’s institutional look lent it a certain gravitas. Besides, its light brick walls were perfect for chalk stickball boxes and its prisonlike cyclone fencing made hitting a home run somewhat challenging. Though I couldn’t swear to it, I’m sure there were kids playing stickball and softball with Clinchers when I walked by that day. It was 1972 or ’73, before Metal Gear Solid 3 had replaced street games and made ghost towns of schoolyards.
Across the street was the Avenue Z Jewish Center. My zaydeh — yeah, the Ukrainian grocer from Hell’s Kitchen who had long since moved his family and business to Brooklyn — was one of the temple’s founding members, though there’s no plaque with his name on it. God, how I hated Hebrew school. During my bar mitzvah ceremony, I did my section of the Torah from memory. Judo Jack — that’s what we called our rabbi for the marshal art — like hand gestures he made during his sermons — had some sage advice for me that day.
“Coleman,” he whispered, “look at the back of my head when I speak. This way you won’t look like so much of an idiot.”
Nice, huh?
Next up was Coney Island Avenue, the unofficial borderline between Brighton Beach and Sheepshead Bay. On my side of Coney Island Avenue, the kids went to Lincoln High. Across the street, you went to Sheepshead. On my side, you went to Goody’s Luncheonette. On the other, you went to Z Cozy Corner Luncheonette. On this side of Coney Island Avenue, I had one group of friends. On the other, a different group of friends. Even at fifteen or sixteen, I thought it was weird how arbitrary and artificial borders can have such a profound effect on our lives.
So, what’s any of this got to do with anything? What does where I went to elementary school or my rabbi’s nickname or bone cancer or blue skies or roses for Bubbeh have to do with the point of this essay? Well, everything. On this day, something would happen to someone else that would change me forever, recolor my perceptions. I would have to relearn whole sections of what I thought I already knew. I would have to reexamine assumptions and presumptions and question where the borderlines were really drawn.
It happened across the border. When I headed beneath the shadow of the el, past the newsstand that had the best vanilla egg creams in Brooklyn, and I reached the bend in Sheepshead Bay Road where it turned to the water, I heard something. There was a pop, a crackle, like a firecracker, but not a firecracker. A gunshot! The wind carried it to me, a siren’s song. I followed it to its source.
Never the fastest guy in my neighborhood, it took me ten seconds to get to the post office on Jerome Avenue. At least I think it was Jerome Avenue. Like I said, things fade. A few years later, as I recall, the post office moved around the corner. But that day, in front of the old post office, there was a man. He lay on his back, head nearly in the gutter, his chest heaving, his arms and legs unmoving. I was about three feet from him, frozen.
Let me tell you what I remember about him. He wore heavy-rimmed glasses and his hair was stringy and unkempt. He was a thick man with a fat belly. He wore a short-sleeve shirt. It might have had stripes on it. I know for sure the shirt had a red spot on it where the bullet had bored into his gut. I recall thinking that there wasn’t much blood, that such a little hole couldn’t kill a human being. I was wrong. For a time, the world was deafeningly, torturously silent. I was not alone in my inability to move. The crowd around me was inert. I think we were trying to read his eyes through his glasses. Does he know he’s dying? Or maybe we just wanted him to ask for help. It was as if we were waiting for permission to move. Simon says, help the dying man.