Now Poet Zhao, not wanting to be left out of the loop, planned to learn the secret of Lin Hong's butt from Baldy Li. But Zhao wasn't even willing to treat him to a bowl of plain noodles, much less house-special noodles. Though Poet Zhao was the one who had paraded Baldy Li through the streets and wrecked his reputation, he had also single-handedly made Baldy Li the recipient of over fifty bowls of house-special noodles. Baldy Li's increasingly ruddy complexion was all thanks to him, so Zhao felt that Baldy Li should express his gratitude. Poet Zhao took out the provincial cultural center's magazine, with pictures of Li Bai and Du Fu on the cover, and flipped to the page containing his magnum opus. When Baldy Li reached out to take the magazine, Poet Zhao tensed up as if he were being mugged and immediately whacked Baldy Li's hand away. He wouldn't let Baldy Li handle his magazine, telling him that his hands were too dirty, and therefore Zhao insisted on holding it as Baldy Li read.
Instead of reading the poem, Baldy Li merely counted the characters and exclaimed, "So few? There are just four lines, with seven characters to a line — that makes only twenty-eight characters."
Poet Zhao was extremely annoyed and said, "There may be only twenty-eight characters, but each of them is a pearl!"
Baldy Li said he understood Poet Zhao's love for his own work. Speaking like an old-timer, he commented, "There are two things that one always prizes: ones own writing and someone else's wife."
Poet Zhao answered dismissively, "What would you know, at your age!"
Then Poet Zhao got to the point. He said that he was writing a story about a youth who was nabbed while peeping at women's bottoms in the public latrine, and he wanted Baldy Li's help with a few of the interior psychological descriptions. Baldy Li asked, "What sort of descriptions?"
Poet Zhao prompted, "What was your state of mind when you caught your first glimpse of a woman's bottom? For instance, when you saw Lin Hong's …?"
Baldy Li suddenly understood. "So that's what you're after, Lin Hong's butt? That'll be one bowl of house-special noodles."
"Rubbish," Poet Zhao answered indignantly. "Do I seem like that sort of person? Let me tell you, I'm not Writer Liu. I'm Poet Zhao! I've already dedicated myself to the altar of literature. I've already made a vow that until I publish in one of the nation's top literary journals, first, I won't look for a girlfriend; second, I won't get married; and third, I won't have children."
Baldy Li thought the logic of Poet Zhao's statement seemed a bit off and asked him to repeat his vow. Poet Zhao thought that his words had moved Baldy Li, so he repeated himself, emoting heavily. Baldy Li finally figured out the problem and remarked smugly, "Your reasoning makes no sense. If you don't find a girlfriend, how could you get married or have children? So really you just need the first vow, because the other two are redundant."
Poet Zhao was speechless. After opening his mouth several times, he finally spat out, "You have no understanding of literature. Just forget it, and tell me about your state of mind."
Baldy Li held up a finger. "One bowl of house-special noodles."
Poet Zhao couldn't believe anyone could be so shameless. After gritting his teeth for a while, he finally smiled and resumed his entreaties. "Think about it. You are the protagonist of my novel. Once my novel is published and becomes famous, won't you be famous, too?"
Poet Zhao saw that Baldy Li was listening earnestly, so he continued. "And won't you have me to thank for your future fame?"
Baldy Li cackled, "So you're going to make me a villain, but I should be grateful?"
Poet Zhao was taken aback. He thought to himself, This little Baldy Li is sharp. No wonder everyone says this fifteen-year-old bastard is a tougher nut to crack than some old farts. Zhao tried his best to continue smiling. "At the conclusion of the novel, the youth sees the error of his ways."
Baldy Li had zero interest in Poet Zhao's novel. He held up one finger and said firmly, "I don't care if it's my state of mind or Lin Hong's butt. My price is one bowl of house-special noodles."
"How hard it is to reason with a barbarian!" Poet Zhao looked up into the sky and heaved a great sigh. With panged reluctance he gave in. "It's a deal."
Poet Zhao and Baldy Li arrived at the People's Restaurant. As Baldy Li slurped away at the noodles Poet Zhao was paying for, he started to describe what he had been thinking when he saw the women's butts, recalling how he had trembled all over. Poet Zhao asked, "You mean your body was trembling, or your heart?"
"Oh, my heart was trembling, too."
Poet Zhao thought that this was a marvelous description and hurried to write it down in his notebook. Baldy Li, wiping away the sweat and snot generated from eating the noodles, paused awhile, then continued. "Then I stopped trembling."
Poet Zhao didn't understand. "What do you mean, you stopped trembling?"
"I just stopped, that's all," Baldy Li explained. "Once I saw Lin Hong's butt, I was completely mesmerized. I couldn't see or feel anything— only her butt and the desire to see it more clearly. I couldn't hear anything around me. Otherwise how could I have not heard you come in?"
"You have a point there." Poet Zhao's eyes glistened. "When silence trumps sound, that's really the pinnacle of art!"
As Baldy Li continued, describing Lin Hong's taut skin and the slight protrusion of her tailbone, Poet Zhao's breathing thickened. Baldy Li described how he'd tried to lower his body just a little more to be able to see Lin Hong's pubic area. Poet Zhao's face filled with tension, as if he, like the policemen at the station before him, were waiting breathlessly for the climax of a ghost story. Suddenly he noticed that Baldy Li's lips had stopped moving. He asked anxiously, "And then?"
"And then nothing," Baldy Li answered angrily.
"Why nothing?" Poet Zhao was still lost in the reverie of Baldy Li's words.
Baldy Li banged the table and said, "Because at this critical juncture, you, you fucking pulled me up!"
Poet Zhao shook his head again and again. "If only I had gone in ten minutes later."
"Ten minutes?" Baldy Li grumbled. "If you had arrived ten seconds later, even that would have been enough, you bastard."
CHAPTER 3
BALDY LI'S real name was Li Guang. In order to reduce haircutting expenses, his mother always told the barber to shave him bald. Even after his hair grew out like a wild bush, the nickname stuck. When Baldy Li grew up, he reasoned that since everyone would always know him as Baldy, he would shave his head to live up to his nickname. Back then Baldy Li was not yet Liu Town s premier tycoon but, rather, one of its poorer citizens, and he discovered that maintaining a bona fide bald head was no simple matter — it actually cost twice as much as growing his hair out. He bragged about how it cost a lot to be a bona fide poor person! His brother, Song Gang, got his hair cut only once a month, but Baldy Li had to go at least twice a month to have the barber run his bright, shiny blade again and again over his pate, as if he were shaving someone's face. Only when his head was as smooth as a piece of silk and shinier than the blade itself, and only then did he live up to the name Baldy Li.
Baldy Li's mother, Li Lan, passed away when he was fifteen. He said she was afraid of losing face, while he and his father were shameless bastards who couldn't care less. Raising a single finger, Baldy Li would say that, while there might be a handful of women in the world whose husbands were murderers and whose sons turned out to be murderers as well, there was probably only one woman who had the misfortune of having both husband and son caught spying on women's butts in the public latrine — and that would be his mother.