She blinked. “Nothin’, why?”
I lifted my hands to her face and gently brushed my fingers under her eyes.
“You were crying.”
Keela waved me off. “I just had a bad dream.”
“About what?”
She looked away from me. “Those noodles smell good.”
I turned her head back in my direction and frowned down at her. I hate seeing her upset in any way, and knowing something made her cry, even if it was a dream, made my stomach roil.
“Alec, I’m fine, honey.”
“Then tell me what made you cry.”
She swallowed. “It’s just ... that ... that nightmare I used to have, remember?”
My entire body tensed, and my heart rate pick up its pace. She hadn’t had that nightmare in years and knowing that those images were once again in her beautiful mind cut me to the bone. She only had that nightmare because of me. Everything about it was my fault.
“Kitten.”
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t move a muscle.
“Keela.”
She closed her eyes. “It was ... I saw them ... touchin’ ye’ again.”
Sickness filled my gut, and my heart just about shattered. I tightened my hold on my wife.
“I have never been touched until you first lay your hands and lips on my body. I have never been touched in any way that matters until there was you. You’re the only person on this Earth to own me mind, body, and soul.”
Keela began to cry.
“I know,” she sniffled. “I know this. I know ye’ were forced into what happened. Me mind just likes to torture me. I’m sorry.”
It had been a long time since we spoke about our past, mainly because we’d moved beyond it and started a new life together. I knew my wife had accepted what had happened, but knowing it still hurt her, hurt me.
“You saved me.” I said, brushing loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You gave me my life, my babies, and my happiness.”
She looked up at me, and her beauty stunned me. She had more laughing lines around her eyes, but her energy for life shone brighter than ever within them. We were in our forties now but being with her still made me feel twenty-eight. She was my rock, my heart, and there was nothing on this planet that I wouldn’t do for her.
“I wouldn’t change anythin’ about what happened,” Keela said, surprising me. “Gettin’ through that got us to today. I love our life together, I love our babies, and I love you so much it sometimes doesn’t feel real that I am this happy. I don’t know why I had that stupid dream, but it means nothin’. It hasn’t meant anythin’ for a very long time. All that matters is you, Alec. You’re amazin’ the way ye’ are, and I would never change anythin’ that made ye’ the man and father ye’ are today. You’re my perfect, ye’ always have been.”
I kissed her the second she finished speaking, and we only broke apart when cheering and fake heaving filled the room as Alfie and Miller came downstairs to eat their noodles. Keela smiled up at me and pecked my lips once more before she turned to the boys and settled them at the table. I watched her as I leaned against the counter, and as per usual, I silently thanked God for blessing me with a woman who gave my life meaning.
My heart was full and happy, but I remembered a time when it wasn’t. Things weren’t always so perfect for me or my brothers ... but I had a secret that only one brother and one woman knew, and if I had my way, it’d stay that way. There weren’t a lot of things I was able to protect my brothers or my wife from in the past, but some secrets were better left unspoken. I’d do anything for my wife and family, and keeping things from her that could never be changed was one of them.
CHAPTER TWO
Fifteen years old ...
When I woke up that morning, I was on cloud nine. I had finally lost my virginity ... well, when it came to fucking a guy, at least. Like my older brothers, I had pussy on demand whenever I wanted it. Gang bunnies always hung around the compound and were more than eager to fuck anyone who would let them. I let them fuck me a lot, and they let me fuck them a lot ... but I frequently got an itch that no pussy could scratch. I wasn’t exactly sure when I realised I was bisexual, but when I started to like girls in a sexual way, I started to like guys in the same way, too. I just never acted on it because of the homophobes I lived with.
That and I was too terrified to tell my brothers the truth about my sexuality in case they shut me out. Those four were my reason for living, so I could never take the chance and tell them because the risk of losing them was too high. I hated that I thought they would react badly to me liking guys as much as I liked girls when my mind and heart told me they wouldn’t give a shit, but the fear of them possibly reacting badly had me keeping it to myself.
I hated keeping secrets.
I entered my family’s wing of the compound, and when I entered out kitchen, I found my mom sitting at the dining table.
“Hi, Mom.”
Mom glanced up at me. “You’re so pretty, baby boy.”
I smiled at her, but it didn’t come from my heart. I didn’t love this woman, and she didn’t love me. I had known from a young age that Ryder was my mom and dad rolled into a big brother, and I accepted that. I just wished I didn’t have to see my parents and pretend we were anything other than co-workers because that was all they were. Being forced to be around them all the time and pretend I liked them left a sour taste in my mouth.
“Do you have yourself a girlfriend yet, Alec baby?”
She never called just by my name, everything she labelled me with had to be accompanied by the word baby, and it ground my gears.
I scratched my neck. “No, Mom, I haven’t found a girl to take home to you yet.”
Not that I’d ever put a girl through the pain of meeting a bitch like you.
She was too immersed in her phone to hear my reply, and she didn’t care enough to pretend otherwise. I turned and made myself some cereal, ignoring some of my dad’s men when they strolled into the kitchen. They greeted me, and I nodded at them in return. Corbin, my dad’s main head of security, leaned down and kissed my mom on the neck, making her giggle. I gritted my teeth. It was no secret my mom had different lovers, and my dad had many of his own, too. They had an open marriage, and I think it was the only reason they managed to remain together. They fucked other people, then they eventually always came back to one another. The only people they loved were one another, but it wasn’t real love. It couldn’t be.
If I loved a woman or a man, I’d never share them with anyone else, and if they wanted someone other than me, then they never loved me in the first place. That was what I believed after growing up and watching my father allow other men to be intimate with his wife.
“Alec?”
I looked at Corbin when he addressed me, and said, “Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I steal your mom for a while?”
My stomach churned in disgusted. I absentmindedly lifted my hand to the rosary beads that I wore around my neck. I wasn’t a very religious person, but my beads relax me whenever I touched them.
“I don’t mind.” I turned back to my cereal.
I heard them leave the room, and I shook my head when the sound of a hand slapping skin sent a shiver of repulsion up my spine. I knew he had slapped her ass in anticipation of what they were about to do. My mom was beautiful; she had long dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, and thanks to her plastic surgeon, she had a stunning face and body, but that beauty was only skin deep. I think Corbin knew that as well, but he didn’t care about her heart and what was inside it. He just wanted what was between her thighs. It was all any of the men she played with wanted, and she was more than willing to give it up if it made her their focus for a while.
I sat at the now vacant dining table with my cereal, and I had just finished it when my dad suddenly stormed onto the room. He looked angry, and when his cool, grey eyes landed on me, I could have sworn I saw them twist in rage. My heart stopped, and fear wrapped around me like a blanket. I knew he was going to beat on me ... I knew it in my heart.