“Right now, you are.”
I stared at the stout man, and sickness swirled within me.
“What’s your name?”
“Carl,” the stout man replied as he jammed his thumb at the other man, and said, “This is Lewis.”
When they looked at me expectantly, I felt tears burn at the back of my eyes. They ... they both expected me to give my body to them, and so did Marco, it seemed. I was about to turn and demand Jenner let me out of the room, but Damien’s face flashed across my mind, and I knew I couldn’t leave here without him being hurt in some way.
I ... I had to do what these men wanted. I watched as they began to strip out of the crisp suits they wore, and my stomach roiled when I saw their erections. I damn near pissed myself when Hector retrieved a whip of some sort from a bag on the floor. I jumped when he cracked it.
“Strip,” he ordered. “Get on the foot of the bed, turn your back to us, sit back on your heels, and place your hands on your thighs.”
Robotically, I did as asked, and when I was in position, I had never felt more vulnerable in my life.
Don’t cry.
“Please,” I whispered, my hands trembling on my thighs. “Please don’t make me do this. I ... I’m begging you.”
Hector cracked his whip inches away from me, and the sound was so loud, it drew a genuine gasp from me. My reaction caused the man to moan in ... satisfaction. I jerked my gaze over my shoulder and found him standing a few yards away from me with one hand on his whip. And the other stroking his cock. I stared between his thighs, his oddly shaped cock had hardened enough to the point where I could see it visibly throb.
I turned my gaze back to the mattress, and tears stung at my eyes. Something inside me broke at that moment. I realised that my pleading and my begging was turning him on and only adding fuel to the fire that burned within him. These men ... they were going to hurt me in a way I didn’t think I’d ever recover from ... and to protect my little brother, I had to let them.
The whip was cracked again, and the sound was, once more, deafening.
“On your hands and knees with them spread apart as wide as you can so I can see your asshole without touching you.”
My stomach churned as Carl spoke, and in fear of throwing up, I didn’t speak, I only acted. I followed his orders, ignoring a single tear as it slid down my cheek. My body was shaking with fear, and it tensed of its own accord when the man placed his hand on my behind. Each second was agony as I waited, dreaded, to see what he would do next.
When I felt his wet finger touch me, and rub whatever liquid coated his skin, over me, my heart dropped. I knew what he was preparing for, and it killed me.
“Please,” I whispered once last time. “Don’t do this.”
I didn’t know what the man was doing because I was too afraid to look over my shoulder to find out, but when I heard him moan, I knew it didn’t bode well for me.
“Leave me alone,” I choked. “Please.”
“Beg us not to, pretty boy,” he rasped around another groan as the mattress under me dipped. “Beg us.”
A second later, he took a piece of me that I knew I would never be able to get back. I thought of stand-up comedy through the burning pain in my behind. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought joy and laughter instead of the large, sweaty man who was touching me, hurting me. I thought of my favourite films, and music when a hot hand wrapped around my soft penis and squeezed it to the point of excruciating pain. I pretended I was kicking back and shooting the shit with my brothers instead of focusing on the tongue that licked my bare back, and the teeth that bit into my trembling flesh. I thought of everything that ever brought a smile to my face, and when it was over, I prayed to God that I would forget this day and everything attached to it, but I knew I would never forget.
This was a scar no else but me would be able to see. This was a shame no one else but me could carry. This was a nightmare I knew I would never be able to awaken from. This was the end of my life as I knew it, and the start of a new existence I never wanted.
When I left the room, I was fully clothed, but I still felt naked. Jenner was leaning against the wall outside the room and looked up when he heard me. He shook my head as he looked me up and down, and said, “I’d never love my brother enough to let creeps fuck me.”
I didn’t reply to him, and he said nothing further. It was dark when I made it back up to the courtyard. I had been in that room for hours, a lot longer than I was told the date would be, and wasn’t sure what time it was. I only knew it was late. I was entirely numb as I walked to our family’s wing of the compound, and when I entered my home, I was glad to see everything was in darkness and silent. I stood in the entryway for a few seconds before I realised I was crying. I wiped my face and walked up the stairs, heading down the hallway to my bedroom. I didn’t look at any of my brothers’ rooms as I passed them by. I didn’t want to think of them right now.
When I was inside my bedroom, I closed the room my behind me and stood still for a minute or two. I reached up to my neck and touched my rosary beads, but for the first time in my life they didn’t make me feel better. I pulled them off of my neck, and wrapped them around my hand before hurling them across the room, ridding myself of them.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I stared at the rope I stole from Dominic’s room weeks before. I knew he planned to hang a damn clown from my ceiling to get back at me for stealing a girl he wanted to fuck. Before I could think better of it, I picked it up and threw it over the wooden beams that zigzagged across the ceiling. I tied a knot with the ends and pulled on it as hard as I could. The wood creaked a tiny bit, but other than that, it was solid.
I knew it would support my weight without breaking.
I realised then what I was going to do, and before I could think better of it, I pulled over the chair from my desk, stood on it, put the rope around my neck, and kicked the chair away. Pain and pressure were all I felt, but I could still hear the men’s laughter, see their faces, and feel their hands on me. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted everything to go dark and silent.
Black dots spotted my visions, and I couldn’t hear anything other than the strangled sounds I made. I thought I saw Damien’s white hair and that I could hear his voice, and then suddenly, I was on the floor, and he was over me. I couldn’t focus on anything other than sucking in huge gulps of air. When I turned my wild eyes onto Damien, I found that he was crying, shaking, and looked both terrified and relieved at the same time. I tried to say his name, but it hurt. The pain around my neck was immense, and it struck me at that moment what just happened. I had hanged myself, attempted to take my own life, and my baby brother somehow cut me down.
“Alec,” he sobbed. “I have to get Ryder.”
I panicked and latched onto him, shaking my head.
“No,” I rasped. “Please.”
The pain when I spoke was unbelievable. My voice was little more than a husky whisper, but I could hear my desperation in my words, so I knew Damien could too.
“Why?” he choked. “Why did you do this? God, I was about to go back to bed instead of coming in to check on you. I heard you cry downstairs while I was in the kitchen getting some snacks. I almost didn’t save you in time.”
I swallowed, and my entire body jolted as agony tore across my throat.
“Two men,” I choked. “They raped me, and I had to let them do it. I had to.”
“What?’ Damien asked, horror in his tone. “Alec, what?”
“I don’t want to be here anymore.” I looked at him. “I want to die.”
“No,” Damien said, his grip on my arm tightening. “I’m not going to let you!”
I did something I have never done in front of him. I cried, and he cried with me as he pulled me onto his legs. He sat on the floor, holding me like a baby, and neither of us cared. He rocked us from side to side and told me how much he loved me and how everything would be okay.