My eyes widened as I moved around my wife. Kailen tensed as I reached for him and fisted the fabric at the collar of his sweater. I hauled him out of the room, down the hallway, and into the living room. He didn’t say a word, and he didn’t struggle. He just walked with me and clasped his hands together and rested them on his knees when I sat him down on the couch across from me.
“Wait,” he yelped when he saw me reach for the belt on my jeans. “Please, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” I repeated. “You’re suddenly sorry because you don’t wanna get belted?”
Kailen swallowed. “I didn’t mean to snap at ‘er. I was arguin’ with someone, and she spoke to me at the wrong time, and I took my anger out on ‘er. I saw the look on ‘er face when I said what I did, and I feel like shite, Da. I’m sorry.”
I set my jaw. “I don’t stand for anyone disrespecting my wife. Just because you’re my child doesn’t mean you get a pass. Get your ass up.”
Kailen hesitated but got to his feet and turned away from me before I had to ask him to. He hadn’t needed to be whooped in months, but he still knew the drill. He pushed his sweatpants down to his thighs revealing his boxers and balled his hands into fists as he waited. I removed my belt and wasted no time in punishing him. I swatted his backside five times, then told him to pull his pants up and sit back down. He did so as I replaced my belt, and I didn’t miss the tension on his face as he slowly sat down. I knew he ass was on fire, and I wanted him to remember that was what happened when he disrespected his parents.
“Now,” I said, sitting down across from him, “who were you arguing with?”
Kailen didn’t answer me.
“I can go and get your phone—”
“It’s no one ye’ know,” he interrupted. “He’s just a ... friend.”
I raised a brow. “I know all your friends.”
“Not this one.”
I waited for him to continue.
“Da, I don’t wanna talk to ye’ about ‘im.”
That hurt my feelings a little bit because this was the first time he had ever said that to me. Usually, Kailen could talk to me about anything, so this made me think something was really wrong for him to keep it from me.
“Why not?”
“Because I just don’t.”
I grunted. “Kailen, what aren’t you telling me? You haven’t been yourself these past few months, you act out, and you constantly have an attitude. What the hell is going on to make you so angry all the time? I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong, son.”
My child locked his grey eyes on mine, and seconds of silence ticked by, then out of nowhere, he began to cry.
“Kailen?” I frowned. “Did I hit you too hard?”
I instantly felt sick. I had meant to punish him for being disrespectful to his mother, but I didn’t mean to cause him actual pain.
“No,” Kailen choked, frantically wiping at his eyes. “It’s not that.”
I got to my feet and sat next to him, putting my arm around his shoulder.
“Kai, what’s wrong?”
He turned his body to mine and wrapped his arms around me, placing his face against my neck and sobbed. My heart began to beat fast, and adrenaline flowed through my veins. I was sick with worry now, and I had no idea what to do other than comfort my child.
“It’s okay,” I told him. “Whatever is it that has you this upset, it’s going to be okay. I promise.”
Kailen cried harder and squeezed me tight. I said nothing further; I just held him and waited for him to calm down enough to speak. This took at least five minutes.
“I’m scared to tell ye’.”
I leaned back from him and used my thumbs to wipe away tears from his face. He looked so much like my brother Dominic that it freaked me out. I knew that meant he looked like me, but when I looked at Kailen, he reminded so much of my brother ... just with my white hair.
“Don’t be scared,” I told him. “Don’t ever be scared to tell me anything, okay?”
Kailen sniffled and he nodded. “It’s ... it’s about a relationship I’m in.”
That was news to me. He was only twelve.
“You’re in a relationship?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I am.”
“Okay,” I said slowly. “Who with? Do I know her?”
Kailen looked down at his intertwined hands. I wondered why he didn’t answer me, then it struck me that maybe I didn’t ask the right question. I asked if I knew the girl he was dating. I assumed he was in a relationship with a girl when I shouldn’t have.
“Or him?” I added. “Do I know him?”
My son jerked his eyes up to mine, and he looked so scared that I wanted to break down and cry myself.
“Kailen, are you gay?”
He shook his head rapidly from side to side.
“Hey, hey, you do not need to be scared,” I assured him. “Your sexuality will never change how much me and your mom love you, okay? You’re still Kailen, still my pain in ass son who I love more than life itself. You’re perfect the way you are.”
Kailen cried again and threw his body at me once more, and I blew out a breath, fighting off tears of my own because I knew I’d be no good to anyone if I broke down. I’d have to call in Alannah if that happened because once I cried, I was a goner.
“D’ye not think I’m straight?”
I looked down at Kailen whose face was still against my chest.
“I’ve never thought about it, to be honest,” I admitted.
My son was silent for a moment, then he said, “Well ... I’m not.”
“Not straight?” I questioned.
He nodded. Once.
“That’s—”
“I’m not gay either,” he interrupted.
He leaned back from me, wiping his face once more. He was shaking, so I reached for his hand and held it in my own. This conversation was huge for him, and he had obviously kept this bottled up inside for a long time, and it made me ill to think that he worried over telling me. That he was probably scared he would be rejected.
I tilted my head. “Are you bisexual or pansexual? Or gender queer? I’m afraid I’m wildly ignorant to what some of those mean, and I know there are a lot of other sexualities, but I will learn them all if—”
“Da,” Kailen cut me off, and he huffed a little laugh. “Ye’ don’t need to learn what they all mean.”
“But I want to,” I said. “If you identify as one, I want to know everything about it so I can connect with you better.”
Kailen squeezed my hand. “Ye’ already know every about me sexuality.”
“I do?”
He nodded. “I’m bi ... like Uncle Alec.”
“Right,” I said with a nod of my head. “You’re getting the same chat that Leland got. Don’t fuck around with a girl’s, or a boy’s, heart or me and you are gonna have problems. Understand?”
Kailen had a ghost of a smile on his face as he bobbed his head.
“Am I the first person you’ve told?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Uncle Alec knows. I told him a few months ago ago, and he has been encouraging me to tell ye’, but he said he would respect me decision to tell ye’ when I was ready.”
That was fair. I didn’t know what it was like to be anything other than straight, so it made sense for Kailen to confide in someone he could relate to.
“How long have you known you were bi?” I asked. “I honestly didn’t think you would be interested in girls, or boys, yet.”
His face flushed red. “Last year, I saw a girl who I thought was pretty, and I wanted to kiss her like you do with Ma ... then a few days later, I saw a cute lad and thought that same thing about him. I didn’t know right away, but when I started to like girls, I liked boys in the same way too.”
“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to me or your mom.”
“I wanted to,” Kailen said, “but I kept backin’ out of it.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t ... I just ... I was afraid ye’ would be different with me.”