Alannah’s eyes widened slightly.
“I was annoyed with Dominic for stepping in to defend me when I could do it myself, so I got him off Trent and intended to whoop him on my own, but he pulled a gun. If Nala hadn’t jumped on Trent’s back to distract him, he would have shot me. I saw it in his eyes, and he was going to do it. I got the gun from him, thanks to Nala.”
I clenched my teeth together.
“When I think about that night, I can still hear Dominic plead and cry with me to throw the gun away because we weren’t our dad, and I wished I had listened to him. Because what I did ruined my brothers’ lives. I shot Trent, and when he hit the ground, he stopped moving. Blood was everywhere, and shit passed by in a blur after that.”
Alannah lifted her hand to her mouth and began to chew on her nails.
“I knew what I had done would mean I would have to die. That’s just how it works—a life for a life. At the time, I was prepared to accept that. I felt so torn up over my parents, over the fact I had turned out just like my dad, that I was willing to die just to escape everything. Ryder met with Marco, and I wasn’t dumb as to what it was about. If Marco killed me, he knew my brothers would retaliate, so they both discussed it until they reached a decision.”
“The life debt,” Alannah concluded. “Morgan said your brothers started to work for Marco to pay off your life death.”
“Yes,” I answered. “They cut me out of the deal to protect me.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re disappointed that ye’ didn’t have a dangerous job?”
“No,” I answered. “I was disappointed that my brothers put their lives on the line to protect me and didn’t give me a chance to pay off the debt I brought on us myself. That was the day I stopped being a brother.”
“What do you mean?” she quizzed. “Ye’ are a Slater brother.”
Not in any way that matters.
“On paper, yeah,” I said, “but inside, I don’t feel like one.”
“Why?”
“Because they don’t treat me like their equal,” I answered. “The treated me like the baby they were stuck with and had to raise. I hate it; I always have. Dominic is four minutes older than I am, and he knew about everything because he had a job for Marco.”
Alannah remained quiet.
“Anyway.” I cleared my throat. “I didn’t know that Nala was dead until we moved to Ireland, and my brothers wanted out of their deal with Marco because I repaid the life debt and made Marco more money than Trent ever could. Marco wanted to keep my family under his thumb, so that night in Darkness when we were together, I was attacked until I fell unconscious. You were knocked out and so was Bronagh. Marco used us as bait to lure my brothers into his trap. It all went sideways for him. Trent admitted he raped and murdered Nala the day after I shot him. She came by looking for me and walked in on Trent being treated by a doctor. Marco couldn’t let her live after what she saw, so he let Trent kill her. He raped her, killed her, and then buried her in the grave that was meant for him. She was ten weeks pregnant at the time; she had told me a few days beforehand, and I began to pull away from her because of that. I was terrified of having a baby, but it scared me more to love it in case I lost it.”
Tears filled Alannah’s eyes.
“I didn’t know it when I was a kid, but I thought Nala’s dad packed her up and moved because I could never find either of them when I searched. I always thought she was alive and had our baby, and I was pissed at her for not allowing me to be a part of that. My parents’ death sent me into grief, but Nala kept me there, and because of her, I kept everyone at arm’s length. I was so angry with her ... and all the while, I never knew that they were dead because of me.”
“Trent.”
I blinked. “What?”
“They died because of Trent, not you.” She sniffled. “Ye’ have to stop placin’ blame on your shoulders when it belongs on someone else’s.”
“Alannah—”
“No,” I cut him off. “Ye’ blame yourself for everythin’ that happened, but ye’ were a baby. Fifteen years old. Ye’ had no control over what other people did, so stop blamin’ yourself. Marco tricked your family into workin’ for ‘im. He is to blame for all of this, and Trent is responsible for killin’ Nala and your baby. Him, not you!”
I stared at her, struggling to allow myself to believe her words.
“Ye’ aren’t to blame.”
I swallowed. “You don’t blame me for everything?”
“No,” she said. “And I know no one else does either.”
I looked down, not believing that.
“We can come back to that,” I said, clearing my throat. “I want to keep going.”
Alannah nodded and waited.
“After all that happened, everything with Darkness, with us, I decided to leave to better myself, thanks to Bronagh.”
“Bronagh?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “When she came by the room we were in, she was straight with me. She told me exactly how she felt, and how horrible I was for sleeping with you when I knew you liked me. She knew how much I never wanted to be like my parents, and she made me realise how I was treating girls, how I treated you, was wrong and something they would do. She was brutal, but no one else was going to tell me what I needed to hear. She flipped a switch in me.”
“What did ye’ do when ye’ went back to New York?”
“I removed the headstone for Trent on Nala’s grave and had a new one made for her and the baby. I know it was still inside her stomach, but it was still a baby, and I wanted people to know that he or she existed. You know?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I know.”
I exhaled a breath. “Do you hate me for getting Nala pregnant?”
“Of course not,” she replied, shocked. “Damien, ye’ didn’t know I existed when ye’ and Nala were together. Don’t be silly.”
I nodded and looked down at my hands.
“Maybe ... maybe we can buy Nala and the baby a star, just like you bought me,” she suggested. “That way when we looked up, we’ll know they’re out there watchin’ over us. Would that help you in any way?”
I lifted my gaze and locked eyes on the most considerate, selfless, and wonderful woman I had ever had the honour to meet. Here I was, telling Alannah all my dark past. She listened to horrifying things, and she still wanted to respect a girl I loved in my past along with the child we created but was never born. She was everything that was pure in my world, and I loved her more than I could accurately put into words.
“It’s okay to cry,” she told me. “You’re allowed to be sad and grieve who you lost. You don’t need to worry about how I feel about it. I’m sad for you and for Nala and the baby, too. No one deserves what she went through.”
My eyes stung as I got up and sat beside her. She wrapped her arms around me when I hugged her body to mine. I put my head against hers and cried. I cried for Nala, I cried for our baby, I cried for Alannah, my brother, their partners, and I cried for all their suffering, and I cried for my own, too.
“I have more to tell you,” I said, clearing my throat.
“More of your story or your brothers?”
“My brothers,” I answered, pulling back to look at her. “Mine ended after I ... after I took Trent’s life.”
I waited for Alannah to be revolted with my admission, but it never came.
“I’m glad,” she said, taking hold of my hand. “I’m glad.”
I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers.
“Also, I don’t want to hear your brothers’ stories from you. I want to hear it from them.”