“Here on Venezia Affascinante tonight, we’re going to get you excited, and we’re going to tell you everything there is to tell about the people you love and the people you’d rather hate.
“There are a billion people in this world right now who don’t like Honey Pilar, and there are a billion people who don’t care. The other five billion, though, absolutely adore her, and we’re wondering tonight how they’ll take the news that her fourth marriage has come to a shattering, devastating conclusion. Shattering and devastating to her fourth husband, Kit, because after you’ve been married to Honey Pilar, the rest of the women in the world must suddenly look a little on the drab side. And poor Kit will be hearing a lot of cheeky questions from his friends from now on, like, ‘Say, Kit, how could you have screwed up such a fantastic situation? What’s wrong with you?’
“Venezia Affascinante conducted its own scientific poll of Honey Pilar admirers, and then compared the results with Kit’s own personal reactions, which we gathered via an exclusive long-distance interview. Our question to one hundred average moddy users was this: ‘Which aspect of their relationship will Kit miss the most, now that, thanks to his own stupidity, he’s been abruptly shown the way out of Honey Pilar’s life?’ The most popular reply was her quick starts, low maintenance, and high performance, if you take our meaning. The second most popular answer was Honey’s bank account, because, after all, a good deal of her irresistible attraction lies in her wealth, her extravagant lifestyle, and her association with the most stimulating celebrities in the world. The third answer was, unaccountably, her nose, which we must admit is certainly cute enough.
“It took us several hours to get in touch with Honey’s most recent ex-husband. When he finally accepted our call, we put our question to him for his definitive reply. He said, and this is a direct quote, ‘You can goddamn go to hell!’ And you’ll hear that nowhere else but Venezia Affascinante.
“Some unanswered questions remain: How long will it be before Honey Pilar marries again? Does she already have a candidate in mind? Could this be what led to the divorce? No one particularly cares what happens to Kit, of course, but every detail of Honey’s personal life is of absorbing interest to her vast army of fans. Will she continue to record new moddies, or does this alteration in her life signal a desire to make a fundamental change in her professional career as well? And if she does continue to turn out award-winning moddies, will she take over the reins of her huge financial empire, or will she look for a new business manager as well? Will that business manager be her new husband, or did her experience with Kit teach her a sad lesson about combining her emotional and business interests in one person?
“Whatever she decides, it will be impossible for Honey Pilar to keep her feelings secret for long. Not while Venezia Affascinante is on the job to bring you twenty-four-hour-a-day coverage of the world you like best, the world you wished you lived in. We’ll be back after this word.”
The two account executives are sitting in the smaller of the two dining rooms in Honey Pilar’s home in Provence. They’ve finished lunch and are sipping brandy and beaming down at Honey at the far end of the long table. Both men feel very good, first because the meal they’ve just enjoyed was one of the finest in their memory, and second because this is the only time they’ve come to the walled estate with any real confidence that they’d be able to bring their business to a satisfactory conclusion.
“That was truly marvelous, Miss Pilar,” says the first adman.
“Was good, no?” Honey smiles with innocent pleasure. “Kit gone now, I have what I like to eat. Hire new cook.”
“Well,” says the account executive, letting his expression become gradually more serious. “Perhaps it’s time to turn our attention to business.”
“Go ahead,” says Honey. “You shoot.”
“Yes, well…Slow, Slow Burn has been in the stores now for a little more than six months. I trust you’ve had the chance to look over the compilation of figures we sent you.”
“Yes, I see them.”
“And I suppose you’d like me to go over them with you. They’re a little difficult to understand, even after you’ve been in the business as long as I have.”
“No, okay, I understand them fine.”
The adman frowns. “That is, I know you’ve been without a business manager ever since, uh — “
Honey gives him a reassuring smile. “Ever since I kick Kit his ass for him.”
The man from the agency looks a little uncomfortable. “And since then, as I say, you’ve been without a business manager. Well, we want you to know that we value your account very highly. We’ve represented you for almost twenty years. I’ve been sent to tell you that you may continue to rely on us during these troubled months.”
“No trouble,” says Honey.
The adman opens his briefcase and takes out a report. “We’ve taken the liberty of drawing up a plan for you, a preliminary schedule of promotional opportunities for Slow, Slow Burn and a suggested scenario for your next personality module. Slow, Slow Burn is doing rather well, although, of course, it doesn’t appear to be as great a success as we hoped at first. Our consultants have made some valuable suggestions relevant to regaining the market support you enjoyed on some of your previous releases.”
Honey gives him her brightest smile. The account executive smiles back. “May I have?” she asks, holding out her slender hand for the report.
“Certainly,” says the adman. “I’ll be happy to — “
Honey rips the papers in half while she looks directly into the man’s eyes. Her smile never wavers. “I tell you what I do — if I do promotion, and when I make new moddy.”
“Miss Pilar,” says the adman unhappily, “we have some of the best market analysts in the business studying current trends in the personality module industry, and your own standing as a recording artist. While your reputation is greater now than ever, your impact at what we call point-of-sale seems to be softening somewhat. Our proposals are designed to make the best use of what our agency considers your chief strengths — “
“In twenty years,” says Honey Pilar, “I earn much money for your agency, no?”
“Why, yes, of course.”
“We call New York. We tell your boss to do it my way. Your boss is good friend. He do what I tell him, you do what he tell you.”
The man takes out a handkerchief and mops at the perspiration on his upper lip. “I don’t think that will be necessary,” he says. “We’ll simply go back and give them your views. Later, if you should find that handling your career on your own is too much for you, we can always — “
“I handle my career thirty years,” Honey says. “Husbands, managers, or no. I handle my career. I think you go now.”
The two men from New York glance at each other nervously and stand up. “As always, Miss Pilar,” says the first adman, “it’s been a pleasure.”
“You bet,” she says.
As the men are retreating from her home, the second account executive pauses to murmur something to her. This is the first time he’s actually summoned the nerve to speak. “Miss Pilar,” he says, looking down at the tiled floor, “I was wondering if I might invite you to dinner tonight.”
Honey laughs. “You Americans!” she says, truly amused. “No, Kit was American too, and next husband will be tall blond, Swedish maybe, Dutch.”
The second adman is terribly disappointed. He hurries after his colleague, not even looking back at their client. Honey watches them for a moment, then closes the door. She is still holding the ad agency’s torn report. She goes back into the house, where she can find a wastebasket.
Introduction to
Marîd and the Trail of Blood
This story is one I commissioned, and gave George the idea for. I had been asked to edit an anthology of stories about lady vampires, and I went to several science fiction and fantasy writers (as opposed to horror writers), to get a science fictional take on what vampires are or might be. (Another story that appeared in the same anthology was Larry Niven’s “Song of the Night People,” which expanded into The Ringworld Throne.)