“I know. I like her, too. I just worry. It's hard being away five days a week.” It had turned out to be much harder than either of them had thought it would be. After only two months it was rough. And Tanya was worried about missing weekends with them during the shoot. She was determined to get home as often as she could, but knew it wouldn't always be possible, as it hadn't been in the last two weeks. And she sure as hell didn't want him having an affair as a result. They both had to be strong. She was. And she could only assume he was, too, no matter how lonely Alice was, or how helpful with the girls. Tanya was getting strange vibes from her, and Alice had seemed slightly uncomfortable with her. Tanya had wondered if it was guilt. Apparently not. But she was glad she had asked, to clear the air. She was relieved by his response. She wasn't going to bring it up again. Once was enough.
She checked on the turkey again. It looked fine. And then she went upstairs to shower and dress. She heard Jason stirring in his room when she went up. It was nice to have him back. She smiled as she went back to her own room. It was an hour later when she came back downstairs, and by then Jason was in the kitchen, talking to his dad. She offered to cook him a light breakfast, she didn't want him spoiling his appetite for their turkey dinner, which they were planning to eat midafternoon. But he said he had already grazed adequately in the fridge. He had had cheesecake and leftover chili for breakfast. It was a perfect meal, in Jason's eyes.
At one-thirty they were all in the living room, dressed for Thanksgiving. And at two they sat down in the dining room. Peter carved the turkey, and they all agreed that the meal was better than usual this year. The turkey was one of the best they'd had. And as Tanya looked around the table at them, and said grace, as she did every year, she was grateful that they were together, that they loved each other, and that they had much to be thankful for again this year.
“Thank you for our family,” she said softly before she said amen. And silently, she asked God to protect them in her absence.
Chapter 10
Leaving home on the Sunday after Thanksgiving was one of the hardest things Tanya had done in a long time. She felt as though she had just gotten home and settled in, when it was time to leave them all again. She and Molly had had some delicious moments together, and it was so good to have Jason home again. And on Saturday afternoon Megan had finally told her everything that had happened with Mike. The confidences she shared, the obvious disappointment in her eyes, and the fact that she was opening up to her mother again nearly made Tanya cry. And she and Peter seemed closer than they had been in a long time. It had been a perfect holiday weekend. It nearly killed her to pack on Sunday afternoon, and go back to L.A. on Sunday night. She looked miserable when Peter drove her to the airport in a driving rain, and he looked equally unhappy.
“God, I hate to go back,” she said, as they approached the airport. She wanted to tell him to turn around and go home and she'd quit the movie. She was really sorry now that she'd made the commitment. She felt that Peter and the girls really needed her at home. And she needed them just as much. “What do you think would happen if I quit?” She'd been thinking about it all weekend.
“They'd probably sue you, for what they've paid you so far, and damages to the movie. I don't think it's a great idea. Speaking as your lawyer, I'd have to advise against it.” He smiled sadly at her, as he moved into the lane marked “departures.” “As your husband, I have to admit I love the idea. I think you'd better listen to the lawyer, not the husband, on this one. I think they play hardball in the major leagues. You could pretty much kiss your ass and your writing career goodbye.” It seemed like a small sacrifice to make, and almost worth it to her. “You don't want to get in a lawsuit, Tan. It would be a mess.” She nodded and fought back tears. “We'll make it work. It won't be forever. Just another six months.” It sounded like a life sentence to her, and to him as well. The movie seemed like a bad idea now. And her only choice was to bite the bullet, and get through it as best they could. Coming home was both easy and hard. It was nearly impossible to leave. Both girls had cried when she left, which nearly killed her. And Peter looked like someone had died, which was how she felt. What a huge mistake this had turned out to be. She didn't want to go back.
“The Christmas hiatus starts in three weeks, thank God. I'll be off for three weeks.” It was the same three weeks as the kids' Christmas vacation, so at least she'd be around while they were out of school, and for a few days after. Only Jason's vacation was longer, but he was planning to go skiing with friends when she left. “I'll come home next weekend if I can.”
“Maybe I can come down for a night if you can't. The girls can stay with Alice.” Peter didn't want to leave them alone in the house.
“I'd love that,” she said, as they pulled up to the curb. She had only hand luggage as always and nothing to check. “I'll let you know if I have to work next weekend.”
“Just take care of yourself, Tan,” he said, holding her tight. “Don't work too hard … and thank you for a wonderful Thanksgiving. We all loved it.”
“Me too …I love you …,” she said, and he kissed her. There was an aura of desperation between the two of them. She had felt it when they made love that morning, as though they were both drowning, and being pulled away from each other by the currents.
“I love you, too. Call me when you get in.” People behind them were honking and she had to get out. She stopped for a minute and looked at him, and then leaned back into the car to kiss him, as a traffic guard told him to hurry up and move on. He drove away a minute later, and she went inside with her bag.
They delayed the flight shortly after that. She left three hours late, and didn't get to the hotel until after one A.M. She called Peter from LAX when they landed. The weather had been awful on the flight, and it was raining in L.A., too. Everything about her return seemed depressing. She missed Peter and the girls already, and she was dreading going back to the set. She wanted to go home. She turned the key in the lock of the bungalow, and was surprised when she walked in. The night maid had left all the lights on, and soft music playing. Everything looked beautiful and warm and welcoming, and instead of like a lonely hotel room, she was surprised to find that it felt like home to her now, too. There was a bowl of fresh fruit on the coffee table, some pastries and cookies, and a bottle of champagne from the management. It was cozy and warm, and she sat down on the couch with a tired sigh. It had been an endless trip. And now that she was back, it didn't feel as bad as she had feared.
She walked into the bathroom, and the huge bathtub looked inviting. She put bath salts in and turned on the Jacuzzi, and sank into it five minutes later. She hadn't had dinner, and had a headache, and then she realized she could call room service and order anything she wanted. A club sandwich and a cup of tea sounded like a gift from heaven. When she got out of the tub, and put on her cashmere bathrobe, she called room service, and ten minutes later her sandwich and tea arrived. She smiled to herself, realizing that this wasn't quite the punishment she remembered. There were a few advantages at least, and some luxuries that made it tolerable. She turned on the TV while she ate, and watched an old Cary Grant movie, and then climbed into the bed, with perfectly pressed sheets. She missed having Peter's arms around her, but aside from that she spent a warm, comfortable night and felt rested when she woke up in the morning to a brilliantly sunny day. Sunlight was streaming into the room. And as she looked around, she felt surprisingly at home. This was her own private little world, separate from her family and home. It was so odd having two lives, one where she loved to live, with people she loved, and another where she worked. Maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought, she told herself, and she'd be home for vacation in three weeks. With luck, she'd get home that weekend, too. For a sudden instant, she felt almost schizophrenic about it, as though she were one person there, and a different one here. It was the first time she had felt that way.