Tóti stood unsteadily and looked down at his father. ‘God will forgive me.’
The church was bitterly cold. Tóti lurched towards the altar and collapsed onto his knees. He was aware of his hands trembling, his skin burning under the layers of clothes. The ceiling swam above him.
‘Lord God…’ His voice cracked. ‘Pity her,’ he continued. ‘Pity us all.’
MARGRÉT WAS WRAPPING A SHAWL about her head, preparing to fetch some dried dung from the storeroom, when she heard the sound of someone scraping snow from the front door. She waited. The door creaked open.
‘Good heavens, is that you, Gudmundur?’ she said, hurrying out of the badstofa only to meet Tóti coming up the hallway, his face as white as milk, drops of sweat pebbled across his skin. ‘Good Lord, Reverend! You look like death! How thin you have become!’
‘Margrét, is your husband in?’ His voice was urgent.
Margrét nodded and invited Tóti into the badstofa. ‘Take a seat in the parlour,’ she said, drawing aside the curtain. ‘You ought not to be travelling in weather like this. Good Lord, how you are shaking! No, come into the kitchen and warm your bones. Whatever has happened?’
‘I have been unwell.’ Tóti’s voice was a croak. ‘Fevers, and a swelling of the throat and neck until I thought I might suffocate.’ He sat down heavily. ‘That is why I have not come until now.’ He paused, wheezing a little. ‘I could not help it.’
Margrét stared at him. ‘I’ll fetch Jón for you.’ She quietly summoned Lauga to come and help the Reverend out of his ice-covered coat.
After a few short minutes, Margrét and Jón returned to the kitchen.
‘Reverend,’ Jón said warmly, giving Tóti his hand. ‘It is good to see you. My wife tells me that you are not in good health?’
‘Where is Agnes?’ Tóti interrupted.
Margrét and Jón glanced at each other. ‘With Kristín and Steina. Shall I get her?’ Margrét asked.
‘No, not yet,’ Tóti said. He pulled off his glove with effort and rummaged about his shirt. ‘Here.’ He offered Jón the District Commissioner’s letter, swallowing hard.
‘What is this?’ Jón asked.
‘From Blöndal. It announces the date of Agnes’s execution.’
There was a gasp from Lauga.
‘When is it?’ Jón asked quietly.
‘The twelfth day of January. And today is the sixth. You haven’t heard about it then?’ Tóti asked.
Jón shook his head. ‘No. The weather has been so bad, it’s hard to go out.’
Tóti nodded grimly. ‘Well, now you know.’
Lauga looked from the priest to her father. ‘Are you going to tell her?’
Margrét reached across the table and took up Tóti’s bare hand. She glanced up at him. ‘Your skin is so hot. I’ll go get her,’ she said. ‘She would want to hear it from you.’
THE REVEREND IS TALKING TO me, but I can’t hear what he is saying, it is as though we are all underwater, the light keeps flickering overhead and I can see the Reverend’s hands wave in front of me, he takes hold of my wrists and lets go, he looks like a drowning man trying to catch hold of something to bring him up to the surface. He looks like a skeleton. Where has all the water come from? I don’t think I can breathe.
Agnes, he is saying. Agnes, I will be there with you.
Agnes, the Reverend says.
He is so kind, he is reaching around me, he is pulling my body closer to his, but I don’t want him near. His mouth is opening and shutting like a fish, the bones of his face like knives under his skin, but I cannot help him, I don’t know what he wants. Those who are not being dragged to their deaths cannot understand how the heart grows hard and sharp, until it is a nest of rocks with only an empty egg in it. I am barren; nothing will grow from me any more. I am the dead fish drying in the cold air. I am the dead bird on the shore. I am dry, I am not certain I will bleed when they drag me out to meet the axe. No, I am still warm, my blood still howls in my veins like the wind itself, and it shakes the empty nest and asks where all the birds have gone, where have they gone?
‘AGNES? AGNES? I AM HERE. I am with you.’ Tóti looked at Agnes anxiously. The woman was staring at the floor, breathing hard and rocking, making her stool creak. He felt the prick of tears at the back of his throat, but he was aware of Margrét, Jón, Steina and Lauga behind him, and the servants, waiting in the doorway to the kitchen, watching.
‘I think she needs some water,’ Steina said.
‘No,’ Jón said. He turned around to where the farmhands waited. ‘Bjarni! Go get some brandy, would you?’
The bottle was fetched and Margrét brought it to Agnes’s lips. ‘There,’ she said, as Agnes spluttered on the mouthful, spilling most of it on her shawl. ‘That will make you feel better.’
‘How many days?’ Agnes croaked. Tóti noticed that she was digging her fingernails into the flesh of her arm.
‘Six days,’ Tóti said gently. He reached across and took up her hands in his own. ‘But I’m here, I won’t let go.’
‘Reverend Tóti?’
‘Yes, Agnes?’
‘Perhaps I could beg them, perhaps if I go to Blöndal he will change his mind and we can appeal. Can you talk to him for me, Reverend? If you go and talk to him and explain I think he would listen to you. Reverend, they can’t…’
Tóti put his trembling hand on the woman’s shoulder. ‘I am here for you, Agnes. I am here.’
‘No!’ She pushed him away. ‘No! We have to talk to them! You have to make them listen!’
Tóti heard Margrét click her tongue. ‘It’s not right,’ she was muttering. ‘It wasn’t her fault.’
‘What?’ Tóti turned to her. ‘Did she talk to you?’ Someone was crying behind him, one of the daughters.
Margrét nodded, her eyes welling up. ‘One night. We stayed up late. It’s not right,’ she repeated. ‘Oh, Lord. Is there something we can do? Tóti? What can we do for her?’ Before he could respond, Margrét gasped and shuffled out of the room, her hands to her eyes. Jón followed her.
Agnes was shaking, staring at her hands.
‘I can’t move them,’ she said quietly. She looked up at him with wide eyes. ‘I can’t move them.’
Tóti took her stiff hands into his own again. He didn’t know who was trembling more.
‘I am here for you, Agnes.’ It was the only thing he could say.
I DO NOT CRUMBLE, I think of the small things. I concentrate my mind on the feeling of linen next to my skin.
I breathe in as deeply and as silently as I am able.
Now comes the darkening sky and a cold wind that passes right through you, as though you are not there, it passes through you as though it does not care whether you are alive or dead, for you will be gone and the wind will still be there, licking the grass flat upon the ground, not caring whether the soil is at a freeze or thaw, for it will freeze and thaw again, and soon your bones, now hot with blood and thick-juicy with marrow, will be dry and brittle and flake and freeze and thaw with the weight of the dirt upon you, and the last moisture of your body will be drawn up to the surface by the grass, and the wind will come and knock it down and push you back against the rocks, or it will scrape you up under its nails and take you out to sea in a wild screaming of snow.
REVEREND TÓTI STAYED UP WITH Agnes well into the night, until finally the woman fell asleep. Margrét watched the Reverend anxiously from the corner of the badstofa. He, too, had fallen asleep, and sat slumped upright against the bedpost, shivering violently under the blanket she had carefully pulled over him. Margrét considered waking him and moving him to a spare bed, but decided against it. She didn’t believe he would be easily moved.