He stood in an almost violent movement, pacing the room in a tight circle. He came to stand in front of me. There was no "magic" now, just two people. But it was still hard to stand so close to him. Still hard to know I wasn't allowed to touch him anymore. Dammit, it shouldn't have been this hard. I'd made my choice.
"You were never my lover, now you're not even my girlfriend. You are not a shapeshifter. You cannot be my lupa."
"Are you really angry that I protected Stephen?"
"You ordered pack members to guard him and a wereleopard. You told them you'd kill them if they didn't obey you. You don't have that right."
"You gave me that right when you made me lupa." I held up a hand to keep him from interrupting. "And whether you like it or whether you don't, it was a good thing that I had some clout to throw around. Stephen might be dead now if I hadn't been there for him. And Zane would have caused an even worse mess at the hospital. Lycanthropes don't need any more bad press."
"We're monsters, Anita. You can't have good press if you're a monster."
"You don't believe that."
"You believe we're monsters, Anita. You proved that. You'd rather sleep with a corpse than let me touch you."
"What do you want me to say, Richard? That I'm sorry I couldn't cope? I am sorry. That I'm still embarrassed that I ran to Jean-Claude's bed? I am. That I think less of myself for not being able to love you even after what I saw you do to Marcus?"
"You wanted me to kill Marcus."
"He was going to kill you if you didn't. So yeah, I wanted you to kill Marcus. But I didn't tell you to eat him."
"When a pack member is killed in a dominance struggle, we all feed. It's a way to absorb their energy. Marcus and Raina aren't really gone as long as the pack remains."
"You ate Raina, too?"
"Where did you think the bodies went? Did you think your friends on the police force had hidden all the corpses?"
"I thought Jean-Claude had arranged it."
"He did, but it was the pack that did the dirty work. The vampires don't care about a body once it's cold. If the blood isn't warm, they don't want it."
I almost asked if he preferred warm flesh to cold, but didn't. I didn't really want to know. This entire conversation was going nowhere that I wanted to be. I looked at the watch on my wrist. "I've got to go, Richard."
"Go rescue your wereleopards."
I looked at him. "Yes."
"That's why I'm here. I'm your backup."
"Was that Jean-Claude's idea?"
"Sylvie told me that Gregory refused to harm her. Regardless of what they did under Gabriel, they're lycanthropes and we help our own even if they aren't lukoi."
"Do the wereleopards have a fancy name for themselves?" I asked.
He nodded. "They call themselves pard. The werewolves are the lukoi. The leopards are the pard."
I walked past him, shoulder brushing his bare arm. That one touch raised the hairs on my body like he'd touched something much more personal. But I'd get used to it. I'd made my choice, and no matter how confused I was, I wasn't that confused. So I still lusted after Richard, even loved him. I'd picked the vampire, and you can't have your vampire and your werewolf, too.
I got the machine gun out from under the bed and slid the strap across my chest.
"Jean-Claude said that we weren't supposed to kill anybody," Richard said.
"He knew you were coming here?" I asked.
He nodded.
I smiled, but it wasn't happy.
"He didn't tell you?" Richard asked.
"No."
We were left looking at each other again. "You can't trust him, Anita, you know that."
"You're the one who let him give you the first mark voluntarily. What I did, Richard, I did to save your lives, both of you. If you really thought he was so damn untrustworthy, why'd you bind us to him?"
Richard looked away then, and spoke very softly, "I didn't think I'd lose you."
"Go wait in the hall, Richard."
"Why?"
"I've got to finish getting dressed."
His gaze slid to my legs, very white against the blackness of the dress and the heels. "Hose," he said, softly.
"A new holster, actually," I said. "The hose got trashed last night. Now, please get out."
He did. He didn't even make a last cutting remark. It was an improvement. When he closed the door behind him, I sat down on the bed. I did not want to do this. Going back in for the leopards was a bad idea. Going in with Richard as backup was worse. But we'd do it. I couldn't tell him to stay home. Besides, I needed the backup. No matter how emotionally painful it was to be around him, he was one of the most powerful shapeshifters I'd ever met. If he hadn't been crippled by a conscience the size of Rhode Island, he'd have been dangerous. Of course, Marcus would probably have said Richard was plenty dangerous just as he was. And he'd be right.
27
Richard drove his 4 X 4 to the Circus. I sat beside him, but in some ways I might as well not have been there at all. He never looked at me, let alone spoke. But the tension in his body was enough. He knew I was there.
Cherry and Zane rode in the back seat. It had surprised me when Cherry slid into the car. Her eyes flashed white, eyelids fluttering like a nervous tic. She looked like she was going to faint. Zane was his usual self; smiling, eyes secret. His usual self? That was almost funny. I'd known him less than twenty-four hours. I didn't know what the hell was "usual" for him.
Cherry had sunk down on the seat, hugging herself. She was slowly curling into a little ball. I'd known her less time than I'd known Zane, but this wasn't normal for anybody.
I turned as far as the seat belt would allow and said, "What's wrong, Cherry?"
Her eyes rolled to me, then closed, tight. She shook her head and huddled further into herself. There was a fresh bruise forming on her cheek. She might have had it when I first saw her. I just wasn't sure.
"Zane, what's wrong with her?"
"She's scared," he said. His voice was neutral, but there was something in his face that was angry.
"I told her this was strictly voluntary. She doesn't have to come."
"Tell that to Mr. Macho," he said. He was staring at the back of Richard's head.
I turned in the seat until I was staring at his profile. He wouldn't look at me. "What's going on, Richard?"
"She's coming," he said, voice very quiet.
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"Bullshit."
He glanced at me then. He tried for it to be a cool look, but it was angry. "You're my lupa, but I am still Ulfric. My word is still law."
"Fuck that. You are not dragging her into this because you're mad at me."
The muscle in his jaw clenched tight enough for me to see it. "They both deserted their people. Now they are both going to make it right." His voice was still quiet, low, and careful, like if he wasn't very careful he'd lose control. He spoke like people talk when they want to yell.
"Look at her, Richard. She'll be worse than useless. She'll just be one more victim we have to keep safe."
He shook his head. "You don't leave one of your own behind, not for any reason. It's the law."
"Pack law, but she's not pack."
"Until you stop being my lupa, Anita, what belongs to you, belongs to me."
"You arrogant prick."
He smiled, but it was just a baring of teeth, more snarl than humor. "Everyone has to do something to take the edge off."
It took me a second to realize what he meant, then I was embarrassed. But I'd be damned if I'd sit there and explain that I hadn't meant it literally. He knew I hadn't meant it literally. He was trying to embarrass me. Fuck it. "Did you hit Cherry?"