Then, one afternoon, his new executive assistant – a petite Indian girl whom Max had hired because she was a Buddhist; her breasts weren’t even B-cups – came into his office and said there was a man waiting to see him.
“Who?” Max asked.
“He wouldn’t say, but he said it was important.”
“All right,” Max said. “Send him in.”
Max shut off the CD of Tibetan chants he was listening to on his PC and then a short, very thin man, completely bald, with a big crooked nose entered his office. He was wearing jeans, sneakers, and a hooded sweatshirt, so he definitely wasn’t a salesman.
“Can I help you with something?” Max asked, smiling.
“Yeah, I think you can,” the man said. His voice sounded very hoarse, like a chain-smoker’s, or maybe even one of those people you saw sometimes who’d had throat cancer and talked through a machine.
“Why don’t you take a seat?” Max said. “Make yourself at home.”
“That’s all right,” the man said weakly. “I don’t mind standing. I’ve been standing all my life, you know what I mean?”
Max thought, Yeah, standing, waiting for a bus, because he wasn’t the type who’d ever have a car. Max had a message for him, The bus wasn’t coming, pal, but with his new spirituality, he decided to treat the poor loser like one of the Buddha’s own. Yeah, he was a loser, shit on the bottom of his heel, but Max wouldn’t be the one to tell him.
Max assumed the man was looking for work, maybe as an installer, doing punchdown for machine rooms, something like that. Max decided that because the man looked like he was in need he would hire him no matter what his skills were. The Buddha would be pleased as hell about that, right?
Max noticed that the man was looking above him, at the framed picture of the Dalai Lama he had hung above his desk.
“You meditate?” Max asked.
“No,” the man said in that scratchy voice.
“You really should try it. If you want, you can come down to my ashram some time. I’ll introduce you to some people.”
“Nah, that’s okay,” the man said. “I don’t believe in that religious shit.”
Feeling sorry for the man for being un-enlightened, Max said, “Well, you just call me if you change your mind. So do you have a resume?”
“What?”
“Do you have a resume with you?”
“Why would I give you a resume?”
“To get a job. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
The man smiled. It wasn’t a pleasant smile.
“I didn’t come here for a job. I just came to talk to you, Mr. Brown.”
Max glared at the man, suddenly dizzy. He had quit drinking, but he suddenly craved vodka. Fucking Buddhism, where was it when your nuts were in the blender?
“Sorry,” Max said. “What did you just call me?”
“Mr. Brown.”
“I think you’re in the wrong office,” Max said. “My name’s Fisher – Max Fisher.” He wanted to rip the Dalai Lama to bits.
“I know your name,” the man said.
“I get it,” Max said. “This is some kind of joke, right? Angela put you up to this.”
“Nobody put me up to anything,” the man said.
Max hoped that this wasn’t happening, that there was some explanation he couldn’t imagine.
“Then why are you here?” Max’s voice was almost as weak as the man’s.
“I want one million dollars in cash by tomorrow at five P.M.,” the man said. “I’ll come back here to pick it up.”
“Whoa, whoa,” Max said, standing up. “Who the hell do you think you are, barging into my office like this? You know what I think I’m gonna do? I think I’m gonna call the cops.”
Max reached for the phone.
“I don’t think that would be a smart idea.”
“Really? Why not?”
The man took a mini-cassette player out of his sweatshirt pocket and held it up for Max to see. Max stared at the little machine, as if in a trance. He barely heard Dillon with that death-knell accent say, “ Yeah, he hired me,” before his left arm went numb.
Later, sitting in the bar of the Mansfield, Max was getting shitfaced on Gimlet, whatever the hell that was. He wasn’t even sure how he’d gotten to the bar. He remembered realizing, finally, that he wasn’t dying of a heart attack – no, the fucking Buddha wouldn’t put him out of his misery that easily; that Buddha, his ass was so fired – and running out of the office. At first, Max was planning to head to the ashram to center himself, but then he thought, Fuck it, and went to a bar. He started on Stoli, and worked his way up to liqueurs and other shit. He’d hit one or two or maybe three other bars on his way to the Mansfield – hey, who was counting, right? – and was still wearing his business suit, although it was wrinkled and stained and where the hell was his tie?
He finished his third Gimlet, screamed for another, then fumbled for his Blackberry. Muttering, “Where the hell… goddamnit… shit,” he checked his two jacket pockets at least five times each before finding the thing in one of them. He thought he’d called Angela something like four hours ago to tell her how fucked they were, how they were gonna have to give the man everything, and to come meet him at the Mansfield. He called her again and was leaving another goddamn message when the next Gimlet arrived and he screamed, “Just get your ass over here, woman!” and he clicked off, knocking over the Gimlet in the same motion. The liquid stained his pants, making it look like he’d wet himself.
After Angela passed through Homeland Security – the guy had given her a nice little squeeze – she headed for the bar. The bartender smiled and asked her what she was having.
“A large Jameson, please.”
“Are you Irish?”
“I am.”
“Going on vacation?”
“I’m going home.” Her engagement ring sparkled in the light for a moment and she added, “Home is where the heart is.”
“Yeah, like that book I read in high school,” the guy said smiling, “ The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.”
Angela didn’t get it, said, “I don’t get it.”
Then she noticed the guy staring at her chest.
“I like that pin,” he said, although she knew it wasn’t the pin that interested him.
She took a breath, expanding her bust for a couple of moments – why not make the poor guy’s day? – then she let the breath out slowly and said, “Thanks, it belonged to me mother, the only legacy she left. It represents our hands reaching out to each other. It’s my new good luck charm, I think.”
“Wow, that’s so cool,” the guy said. He must’ve polished that same glass, what, five times?
Angela finished the Jameson in one long gulp, said, “Ta,” and walked away, swinging her hips, her chest fully expanded.
Hey, you got it, you gotta strut it, right?