Patrick flipped through several pages of the journal before placing it carefully into an evidence bag. “We’ll be going through this with a fine tooth comb.” He handed it off to one of his deputies. “Put this with the rest of the evidence and don’t let it out of your sight.”
When the deputy was gone, Patrick turned back to her. “You sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?”
She tried to smile, but knew it fell flat. “I’m sure.” She tugged her sweater tighter around her and tried not to shiver. “I’d rather be home than at the hospital being poked and prodded by a doctor.”
Patrick chuckled. “I hear you. We won’t be much longer downstairs. I’ll let you know when we’re leaving.” He nodded at Jonah and left.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Jonah’s eyes went over her body from top to bottom, his gaze clinical.
She was getting tired of people asking her that question. “I’m fine.” And physically she was fine, but she knew it would be a while before she stopped seeing the sharp blade flash in front of her face. Her hand automatically went to her neck, touching the white bandage that covered the cut.
Jonah moved then, coming to crouch down beside her. “Brown used Elizabeth to draw me away from you.”
“I guessed as much.” She shrugged and picked at the fabric of her jeans, frowning at the bloodstain on the front of her thigh. Her top was probably ruined.
“It was a smart move on his part. If he’d found the journal, he could have shown up to see Elizabeth and had a perfect alibi.” Jonah placed his hand over hers, stopping her nervous movements. “I left after I got off the phone with you. I knew something was wrong, could feel it in my gut. I was just turning onto the street when Levi called. There was no time to wait for the cops.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “I’m sorry he hurt you. I’m sorry I let you down.”
She frowned. “You didn’t let me down. No one could have predicted my attacker would try something this desperate in the middle of the day. Good Lord, the man is a respected businessman.”
Jonah jumped to his feet and started pacing. “I should have seen through his ploy.
You could have been killed.”
“But I wasn’t.” Rising from the bed, she stepped in front of him. His eyes were hooded as he looked down at her. She could feel the heat emanating from his body, but he didn’t touch her. She wanted his arms around her, but he seemed distant from her.
Maybe it was time to put all her cards on the table. Facing death for the second time had a way of putting a person’s priorities straight.
“Look, I know all you wanted when this started was a simple affair. Instead, you’ve been drawn into this mess. I’m sorry for that, but I’m glad it’s over.” She tried to smile, but it quickly slid away. She’d never felt less like smiling in her life. “Thank you is totally inadequate for what you’ve done for me. You’ve saved my life twice.”
Jonah was as still as a statue. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
Taking a deep breath, she forged onward. “I understand totally if you want to leave.
You didn’t bargain for having your life so disrupted when we started this affair.”
“You understand.” He cocked his head to one side and stared down at her. “I’m glad one of us does.”
“We’re leaving now!” Patrick yelled up from downstairs. “I expect to see you both first thing tomorrow to give statements.”
“We’ll be there!” Jonah called back as he left the room and started down the stairs.
Noise drifted upstairs as all the members of the sheriff’s office gathered their belongings and left. Would Jonah leave with them? She didn’t think so. He was an honorable man, and she knew that in his mind, she was still his responsibility. She hated that thought. She didn’t want to be anyone’s responsibility. She wanted him to stay because he wanted to, because he loved her, not because his sense of honor dictated that he should.
Amanda scrubbed her hands over her face, wincing when she accidentally struck the bandage on her face. Shivering, she kicked off her shoes and crawled under the comforter, pulling it around her for warmth.
The house was quiet now and a sense of calm settled over her. No matter what happened, she couldn’t regret the time she’d spent with Jonah. She loved him more than she’d thought it possible to love someone. She wanted to be with him but she didn’t want to be just another one of his responsibilities. It was time he knew that.
Amanda didn’t know what she’d do if all he still wanted was an affair. The sensible part of her warned she’d have to end things with him before her heart was irreparably broken. The woman in love urged her to take a chance that he might eventually come to love her.
She didn’t hear his boots on the stairs, but she knew the second he entered the room.
Lowering the covering from around her face, she watched as he walked straight to the bed and sat down beside her.
Her fingers tightened around the comforter and she picked up the conversation where she’d left off. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me, Jonah. You’re an honorable man and I thank you for everything you’ve done. But you don’t owe me anything.” She gave a rueful smile. “If anything, I owe you.”
He planted his hands on the mattress and leaned toward her. “You don’t owe me anything.”
“Fine. Then we’re even.” This entire conversation was getting ridiculous. “So where does that leave us?”
“Where do you want it to leave us?”
Amanda was realistic. They couldn’t go on living together now that the threat to her life was gone. If they continued their affair, they’d probably continue to see one another several nights a week. That would be enough for now, but eventually she would resent the fact that Jonah didn’t love her. Either she would end it or he would. Their affair was temporary, doomed to end from the moment it started. Tears pricked her eyes, but she blinked them back. No one ever promised her happily ever after.
“I guess we could keep on seeing one another.” She glanced at him, trying to get a sense of how he felt about the situation before she laid her heart bare. She was immediately captured by the haunted look in his eyes. “Jonah?”
“I’ve never been the kind of man to settle down.” He leaned back but stayed seated on the bed beside her. “My career in the military took me to some of the worst places on the face of the planet. I’ve seen things that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.” He paused and looked away. “Been betrayed by someone I trusted. Done things I’m not especially proud of, but they were things that had to be done. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She knew that he was telling her that he’d killed people during his time in the army.
That was the nature of war and conflict. She sensed that the betrayal by someone he’d trusted had hurt him in an even deeper way.
Her heart ached for what Jonah had been through, but his experiences had made him the man he was today. He was self-sufficient, brave, honorable and the finest man Amanda had ever known. “I understand.”
He nodded, but didn’t look at her. “I have nightmares sometimes.” He glanced back at her before turning away again. “Not often, maybe every few months or so.”
“That’s understandable.” She wanted to reach out and touch him, but was afraid he’d stop talking if she did. He was opening up to her and she didn’t want to do anything to disrupt him. Hope blossomed deep within her. Maybe a relationship between them was possible.