Raising my eyes, I saw Justin watching me solemnly. Oh, yes, he knew.
"Aidan," called the amir, standing with Kazimain a few paces away. "Do not heed him. Wait for the emperor."
I made no reply, but addressed Nikos instead. "You were acting for Leo."
Nikos said nothing, but words were no longer necessary-his sly, superior sneer confirmed everything. I saw his lips curve so smoothly and with such easy indifference, I knew we had risked all and lost.
Fool! I shrieked inwardly, shaken by my own stupidity and ignorance.
Sick dread stole over me, swallowing the rage in gloom. There could be no justice: The King of Kings, Elect of Christ, God's Vice-Regent on Earth was bloody with the self-same crime for which I sought Nikos's condemnation.
In that moment of revelation, I saw the last light of hope snuffed out. Evil reigned. All was futility and bleak, bleak despair. I stood impotent before powers too great for me to know, and too mighty for me to resist.
There was a movement beside me. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Do not listen to him," Dugal said.
Harald called to me again, but I could hear nothing for the pounding howl of the void screaming in my ears.
Stepping to where Nikos stood, the sneer ripe on his smirking face, I drew the daigear from my belt.
"Cut me loose," commanded the eparch arrogantly. He extended his hands so that I could sever his bonds, and I began sawing at the leather cords.
Harald reached out to stay my hand, and some of the others cried out for me to stop. But I continued slicing at the cords.
"Perhaps you are more intelligent than I thought, priest." Nikos pulled his hands free as the loosened cords fell away. "Or, should I say fallen priest? Look at them," he sneered, indicating the clean-shaven monks. "God's servants, spreading the gospel, imparting doctrine-Ha! Dogs returning to their own vomit. Look at them! A bag of shit knows more of faith."
I said nothing, but stared impassively at him.
"I used to be like you," Nikos said, rubbing his wrists. "I used to be a true believer. And then, like you, I learned the truth." He smiled, triumphant in his victory. "We are the same, you and I."
"Indeed," I agreed, "we are more alike than you know."
Raising the jewelled knife, I plunged it deep into his wicked heart.
72
Nikos looked down at the knife protruding from his chest, then raised his eyes once more. "Barbarian!" he spat, trembling with rage.
Reaching for the bejewelled handle, he made to pluck the daigear from his body. But I took hold of it first, shoving the blade to the hilt and then twisting it. I felt the sharp metal scrape hard against bone.
Nikos's hands gripped mine in a grotesque mockery of friendship. He tried again to pull the blade from his chest, but I held fast.
I heard the others shouting, their voices a meaningless confusion behind me. I heard my name, but the sound held no meaning. Icy serenity pervaded my soul; I felt tranquil, empty-as if all the anger and hatred I had carried for so long had been extinguished in this single act, leaving nothing behind.
"What have you done?" whispered Nikos, rage melting into bewilderment. He looked at me with a profoundly puzzled expression, his eyes glittering strangely.
"All they that take the sword, shall also perish with the sword," I replied. The words came to my tongue of themselves.
"Fool!" he shouted, tearing my hands away at last. He lurched backwards, clutching at the daigear as if it were a serpent that had sunk its fangs into him.
Perhaps his strength was already failing, or perhaps the wide metal blade had wedged somehow against bone, for he grasped the knife and tried to pluck it out but the daigear did not move. Raising his head, he shrieked aloud and with shaking hands, pulled again. Blood trickled gently from the wound, seeping from around the blade, but the daigear remained stuck fast.
Frantic now, Nikos grasped the weapon with both hands and, with a tremendous, sobbing cry, dragged the daigear from his chest. A swift-spreading dark stain appeared against the black of his siarc. "You will die for this," he said, his voice hoarse in the strained silence of the hall. "You will all die."
A snaking tendril of blood appeared at the side of his mouth as he spoke. Nikos lifted a hand to his lips, touched his fingertips to the blood and then held them before his eyes as the colour drained from his face.
Nikos coughed, spewing blood, raised the daigear and took a step towards me. I stood before him unresisting, willing to receive the blade into my own breast. To die in Byzantium was my fated end, and if this was how death found me, so be it.
The wounded eparch took another step, holding the knife so as to strike. But the step became a lurch as his legs abruptly lost their strength. Nikos crashed to his knees, the blade spinning from his grasp and clattering onto the stone floor.
Clutching at my legs, he hauled himself up, his mouth working to frame a word. His eyes beseeched, but the word was never spoken, for even as he gave it utterance, a great gush of blood surged up from his gullet and out of his mouth.
"An eye for an eye," I muttered. "A life for a life."
With a groan, he made to rise, clutching at me and trying to gather his legs under him, to stand one last time. He gained one leg and, shaking violently, somehow pulled himself into an unsteady crouch.
Nikos, bent nearly double, raised his head and gazed furiously around, his eyes glassy and unseeing. Beads of sweat glistened on his pale flesh. Pressing both hands to his chest, he lurched and fell heavily onto his back. With a deep, rattling groan, he rolled onto his side and was seized with a spasm of coughing. Blood issued forth in a brilliant crimson cascade, and he lay his head down on the floor-stones.
I did not realize he was dead until Harald, bending over him, pushed him onto his back once more. There came a slow, gurgling hiss as the air fled his lungs.
Someone spoke, and I looked up to see Dugal standing beside me. I stepped towards him, and my legs turned to water. Dugal grabbed my arm and bore me up in his strong grasp. I saw his mouth move, but could make no sense of his words.
A rushing sound filled my ears, and I felt a heavy pressure inside my head. Squeezing my eyes shut, I gasped for air, fighting for my breath. The sound and pressure dissipated, and my breath returned.
"Aidan…Aidan?"
Opening my eyes, I found myself looking into Dugal's face. Brynach had joined him, and they were both staring at me with troubled expressions. Dugal held me by the arms, shaking me lightly; they were both talking to me, but I made no response.
I looked away from them to Nikos lying on his back on the floor, gazing up at the blue sky-painted ceiling. Still, I felt nothing: neither hatred, nor remorse, nor elation, nor any other emotion, save only the familiar dull emptiness. I knew what I had done, and I was fully aware of everyone's shock and dismay. The scholarii, amazed at what had happened, lowered their spears and made as if to guard the body, but their reaction had come too late. Frightened now, and finding themselves outnumbered by barbarians, one of them began shouting and beating on the door, calling for help. Justin merely stood aside looking on.
In a moment, the smaller door opened within the larger and the magister appeared once more. He took one swift glance at the corpse on the floor, and retreated, his hands fluttering in agitation. We heard him go crying into the room beyond and, as the great door swung slowly open, two imperial guards appeared. Taking positions beside the entrance, they crouched there, spears at the ready. More guards hastened towards us, weapons drawn, their leather shoes slapping the polished stone floor. The magister officiorum stood in the doorway, wringing his hands, and behind him Basileus Leo advanced with swift and terrible dignity.
I faced him calmly; indeed, I was astonished at my own clarity and presence of mind. It seemed as if, having crossed some unknown divide, I now stood on the other side, myself once more.