“Anxiety attacks…”
“Exactly, and they started to happen all the time—so I was put on Clonazepam. I got better, I worked, and I went through terrible withdrawals when I had to get off of them… thought I was going to die for sure then as well. I guess though, it was always on my record. I didn’t figure that with everything going on they kept records. The doctor that gave me the Clonazepam wasn’t even a psychologist… they couldn’t spare any. So when I applied and interviewed the very first time, I said that I had never had any mental issues, and that they were away in Wisconsin when they died. I suppose they knew the real truth—that’s why I had to wait years until Noah got me in. That’s when what he said made sense to me. I suppose, he had a plan for me. Whatever it was, I don’t think he intended things to end up this way.”
“He couldn’t know everything that was going to happen,” Claire says as she brushes closer against me.
“That’s true,” I say as I place my hand on her leg. “He thought I’d just… feel compassion for you, sympathy because you’d be like me… he never knew that I’d fall in love with you.”
“I can be very quiet if you can be,” Claire whispers as she lifts up her nightshirt and slides my hand between her legs.
“I think I can manage that,” I whisper as I begin to kiss the back of her neck. She raises her leg and I position myself behind her and gently slide myself upward and inside of her. In hushed breathes we work ourselves into a quiet motion—a mere rustling of the bed sheets. We make love slowly, quietly. The slow movement heightens my anticipation as I have to nearly bury my head into the pillow as I come. As she turns to face me I can see indentations in her bottom lip from where she had to bite down hard. We begin to kiss and I taste the slight salty iron flavor of blood.
“I had a hard time…” Claire whispers as she stifles a giggle.
“I did too…”
“We’re not so different… I think,” Claire whispers as she continues to kiss me.
“Not really at all… I don’t think we ever were.”
We rest in each other’s arms. It is times like these that make me forget all about the grander scheme—I do not know if that is for better or worse. After all, so much is at stake—but I imagine that I am allowed some comfort, some love, no matter how dire the situation. If we have love, no matter how we found it—we should be afforded the opportunity to enjoy it. I fall asleep comforted, in her arms. After all, she is my caretaker.
14. Evil
Robert wakes us up early. “Sorry guys—you should really get out of here. Lot of strange chatter going on,” he adds as he holds up his radio band-TV. “The riots, of course, haven’t stopped and I think shit is about to hit the fan.
Claire and I get out of bed. It is a cold morning. We get dressed and gather our gear. As we make our way down the staircase Robert is cooking up some soup.
“Thank you for letting us stay,” I say as I shake Robert’s hand.
“Thank you…” Claire repeats.
“You have a purpose—get it done, even if you don’t understand it.”
We begin to walk away… and then I pause. This doesn’t feel right. “Robert?”
“Yeah…?” He says as he turns to face me. He is still dressed in his military uniform.
“Come with us,” I ask. “We have food, more than enough food. We could use someone like you in case we run into any problems.” I add. I want him to feel as though he is needed and will not be a burden. Leaving him here with such little food and such little hope just seems wrong.
“I’m like the cowardly lion,” Robert says as he shrugs. “I don’t know how much use I’ll be…”
“Cowardly lion…?” Claire repeats.
“Before your time…” Robert says as he thinks for a moment. “A soldier has to have a mission, right?”
“Right,” I say confidently. “Besides you have a bad ass uniform and an assault rifle, and you’re huge—who is going to mess with us when you’re with us?”
Robert begins to nod as a wide grin spreads across his face. “Fuck yeah. Can I bring my soup?”
“Sure…”
Robert hurries off and picks up his large assault rifle. He grabs his small TV and a backpack and pours his soup into a large cup.
We walk out to the car—the air is crisp and cool. Everything seems calm. Claire climbs into the passenger seat. I pull back the chair and Robert squeezes into the back. There is plenty of room—however he is rather tall and large. He places his gun upon the floorboard and happily starts to drink his soup.
“This is a nice car,” Robert says between sips of warm soup.
“Saved my life more than a few times,” I add as I put it into drive and begin my way further west.
After navigating a maze of country roads, I meet back up with interstate 40 West. We make it exactly 83.3 miles… according to the GPS, when we hear a terrible roar—almost like a freight train. A flash of blinding white light fills my view forcing me off the road completely. The flash is gone just as quickly as it appeared.
“What the fuck was that,” Robert says as he looks behind us.
A shockwave follows that causes the car to rumble against the ground. It almost feels like an earthquake. Trees shake all around us and rocks rattle against the road.
“Estimated drive… dri… 129 hours at… this… 12 hours,” The female computer stutters.
Once things quiet down, I look over to Claire—she has her hands over hear ears. She looks terrified. I cautiously step out of the car; Robert quickly pushes the seat forward and emerges from the back.
“They did it…” Robert whispers as he falls to his knees. Tears begin to stream down his dark brown eyes. “They actually fucking did it.”
A large mushroom cloud looms upon the horizon. Up high on the mountain, smoke fills the air in huge clouds of dirty brown ash. We watch in awe, in terror, at the evil that has been unleashed by the government on its own people.
“It’s all gone,” Robert says as I attempt to get him back to his feet.
“We’ve got to keep going,” I say as I try and pull him up.
“They’ve killed everyone—just like that…”
“Get up soldier!” I shout, although I do not know where it comes from—perhaps a book I once read.
Robert slowly gets up to his feet as I lead him back into the car. I help into the back and climb in. I place the car into drive and fly as fast as I possibly can. The map is gone—the computer is unresponsive.
Frustrated, I try one more time. “GPS…”
“Rebooting…”
Finally, everything comes back online.
“You are going a hundred and twenty miles per hour, it is suggested that you slow down to lower your chance of getting pulled over in this area.”
“For fuck sakes,” I whisper… mostly out of relief. I’d be lost without the map.
I slow down a little, just to be safe—I don’t want to wreck. I figure I’ve cleared quite a distance. I look back and see that Robert cannot take his eyes away from the cloud that is slowly disappearing into the distance.
“Robert…”
“What did you see?” Claire asks, her ands still covering her ears.
“Something terrible…” I say as I nod to Claire. “You can uncover your ears… we’re safe now.”
“Nowhere is safe… not if they are launching nuclear strikes on our own people…”
“Robert, calm down… please,” I add as I let out a sigh. I know things cannot get much worse—but dealing with two people in a state of anxiety would not exactly improve the situation at all. “We’ll fix this—we’ll… we have to make sure our story gets heard.”