“No one is being put up for adoption. Jesus.” Jake looked ashen. I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I told you I’m going to be a terrible mother,” Haven said, shrugging as if he should know better than to expect anything else from her.
Jake grabbed her by the waist and held her against him. I looked away, their moment too private. I caught Ashleigh’s eye. She gave me a small smile. I missed her so much.
Things settled between us after that and entire minutes went by where I forgot the awkwardness between Ashleigh and me. It descended again when I had to resist smoothing my hand over her back as we sat at the table, and again when I was tempted to press my lips to her cheek as I passed her. I was forced to remember that we weren’t together.
“So seriously, we should celebrate, properly,” Jake said as he handed me a dish of vegetables. “Let’s go out. Next weekend, maybe.”
“I really want to go to Chiltern Firehouse,” Ashleigh said.
“It’s good.” I said at the same time Jake did.
The girls snapped their heads toward us. Jake and I exchanged a glance.
“Have you two been dating each other when we weren’t looking?” Haven asked.
“I went there ages ago, before us,” Jake said pointedly to Haven.
Haven transferred her glare from her husband to me.
“I went last weekend. It was nice,” I said.
I shouldn’t have said anything. The implication hung in the air like a dreary fog. No question, Chiltern Firehouse was a date restaurant. Ashleigh focused on her glass. I wanted to shout, “But you told me to date.” I didn’t. If she still had feelings for me, it would smart that I was taking someone out. If she was dating, I was pretty sure I’d go down for murder. Somehow we were going to have to get through this.
Together.
Ashleigh
I was staring at the crack in my ceiling. It was late—or early, depending on how you looked at it—but I couldn’t be bothered to turn my head to see exactly what time it was.
He’d been to Chiltern Firehouse last weekend. The weekend. So, not for work. I had willed Haven to ask him what he was doing there, but she’d busied herself with the plates and dishes in front of her.
Was it the kind of place Luke went on a first date, or was it more of a second date type of place? Luke would have definitely said if it hadn’t been a date, wouldn’t he? Otherwise, why hadn’t he said why he went? He must have taken a woman. A girlfriend? Frantically, I ran through the time that had passed. Could he already have a girlfriend? Perhaps. Especially if he’d known her before they’d started dating. Someone like Fiona.
The thought made me feel physically sick. Both because he hadn’t chosen me and I was never going to get my fairy tale, and because maybe I could have been okay loving him more than he loved me. I shouldn’t have pushed him away and insisted on this time apart. Maybe Luke was only ever going to go along with whatever was easy, and I’m sure Fiona was making things way easier than I was.
My phone vibrated on the cabinet next to me. In a burst of energy, I twisted to grab it. I flicked my fingers across the screen to discover a text from Richard. I let out a sigh. Five in the morning. I’d not slept a wink.
Richard was suggesting dinner tonight. I took a breath. It would be a good way to try to get Luke and Fiona out of my head. Last night had been a reminder to me that Luke was doing everything I’d wanted. He’d been getting on with his life.
I agreed to dinner, and I pulled myself out of bed. There was no point lying there thinking about what Luke may or may not have done. I needed to get on with my life too.
I’d changed in the locker room so we could go to dinner straight from work as Richard and my shifts coincided.
Richard came up behind me, slid his hand across my back and he kissed my cheek. “You ready?”
“Yeah. I thought maybe we could go to that pizza place—”
“Pizza?” He grimaced.
“In Shoreditch. It’s good. Iconic, or something. And I’m paying, so I get to choose.” I started to walk toward the bus stop.
“You’re not paying. And you’re going to make me go on the bus?”
“Don’t be a whiney baby.” I elbowed him in the ribs. “Come out of your ivory tower and live like the rest of us.” I grinned at him.
“Someone literally shit on me today. I’m not sure my ivory tower is as nice as you think it is.”
I giggled. “Well no one is going to shit on you on the bus . . . I think. So, you’re safe.”
After we got on the bus, we had to stand as all the seats were taken, upstairs and down. I clung on to the pole as the movement jostled us backward and forward, occasionally pushing me toward Richard. Each time he steadied me, his fingers lingered longer than they needed to, his palm pressing unnecessarily—warm and possessive. It felt protective, comfortable.
“You’ve never been to Pizza East?” I asked.
“No. You see? You’re constantly expanding my horizons.” He reached for my face and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
My mouth went dry. He really wanted this. I mean, I knew he did, he’d told me as much, but it hadn’t hit me until now how different our expectations were. My being here was all about hiding from my feelings for Luke, distracting myself from thoughts of him and Fiona. But Richard was all about me. I was being so unfair.
I looked away from him, watching the East End of London slip past. My stomach clenched at the prospect of our evening together.
“You know what you were saying the other night?” I looked out the window as I spoke.
“The other night? You mean about a second chance?”
A tightness formed across my forehead.
“I’m not pushing you,” he said.
Our feelings were clearly uneven, and I really didn’t want to lead him on. “I know. I just think . . . we make more sense as friends. I like hanging out with you, but not as anything more.”
“I said I’m not pushing you.” He moved to let someone pass and placed his hand on my waist as he stepped closer to me. Anyone watching us would assume we were a couple.
“I know. I just want to be clear. I don’t want to lead you on or—”
“You’re not leading me on. We’re hanging out. Seeing how things go.” This wasn’t a conversation to have on a bus, but he obviously hoped our relationship would progress, and it wasn’t fair to him letting him think so.
“Richard, I can’t—”
“Shhh.” He placed a finger on my lips as his eyes fixed on mine. “Let’s just have a nice evening. Yes?”
I nodded. What else could I do?
“So when do you hear about business school?” Clearly the subject about our friendship was off the table. For now.
“Next week, I expect.”
“You’ll get in, no problem.” He smiled.
“You think? I thought you wouldn’t approve.”
“What made you think that?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t remember if Richard had actually said something about the MBA being a bad idea, or whether it was just the stuff he’d said about me being a stay-at-home mom.
“It’s a lot of work. I had a mate who did it.”
“It is. I don’t think I’ll have much of a chance for a personal life if I get accepted, what with working and everything.”
When Richard didn’t respond straight away, I looked up to find him staring at me intently.
“You could go part-time. Just while you’re on the course.”